To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

[HuntIdeas]

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

When my DD was younger and we were all broke/didn't want tons of little toys lying around etc I said no presents necessary - you being there is what she really wants. But if people would like to bring presents she'd really love ...
I made a list of small cheap presents including: super bouncy balls (great fun cost less than a quid) sprinkles (she loved making decorating cakes, bubbles - that sort of thing. One mum asked about art/craft supplies - I suggested a shoe box of bits bought amongst a group of them (£2-3 each, wonderful present). One year with a group of mums I knew really well I said she was coveting a toy which cost about £18 and maybe they'd like to buy between the 6 of them). They did, Dd loved it! DD never noticed it meant she had less presents. The mums were pleased to have bought something so special and relieved it had been so affordable.
It depends on your group. But maybe test the waters ...?
Also, 50 children. Very brave.

When I was little, I always got 'sensible' presents from family/relatives. Like woolen jumpers/socks, good quality (so not fun) backpacks, practical leather boots (expensive and good quality, but again - not fun!) and such. My parents/relatives were not skint, but they were thinking along the lines that it's better to have a 'useful' present instead of 'plastic tat'.

I was a child and I didn't want boots or a jumper, however expensive or 'quality' they might be. All I wanted was that AWFUL PLASTIC TAT (toys, in other words): pink ponies, glittery handbags and silly cute dolls!

I have a 7 year old girl now. She wants 'plastic tat', she gets given 'plastic tat' and she loves it. She was given a big bag with various toys she wanted for her last birthday. She was thrilled and so was I. It's HER birthday and HER wishes are most important (within reason, of course). And we donate some of the things she has to charity or give it to people in need (I suggested the idea, but she was completely happy about it and chooses the things to give herself).

Shadows, that's so sad. That's the other extreme. Most of us are thinking that the DC already have the presents that they would really like from family and close friends, so don't need extra stuff from party guests. If they don't get any toys from their family, then getting them from partygoers would fill the void. But most kids don't have that void. I'm kind of guessing that your folks didn't organise whole class parties for you either.

myself2020 "from what i‘ve seen the higher the socio-economic status of the parent group is, the more likely you are to get “no gifts please“ or “small donation for piggybank” invites."

That's the case in my experience as well. I live in one of the most affluent areas you could find in the UK and asking for donations towards a present, or no presents at all at children's parties is very much the norm. Turning up with a £5 (or £10) throwaway plastic toy would really raise eyebrows; it's just not done.

If they bring lots of things your children don't need just keep them to donate to Christmas collections at Salvation Army.

I wish as a society views would change on this.
When my kids had parties I didn’t want the plastic tat that they enjoyed for 5minutes then went in a toy box ever to be played with again. I think we are teaching our kids (as a society) to be consumerist and greedy, and we should emphasise more the “enjoying time with friends” element of a party rather than the “stuff” they get.

Stuff isn’t important, friends are.

If they bring lots of things your children don't need just keep them to donate to Christmas collections at Salvation Army.

While that's a nice thing to do and all, do you think that's what the present buyer is hoping happens to their present?

That it goes straight to charity?

Really weird attitude on here - where I live, in a "naice" part of Dublin, the whole routine is €5 in a card for the child - I was the first to suggest it in my class but it had been going in other classes. It is so fab, no messing around buying tat for each party - I just wish they had started it years ago. We've been doing it here for about 4 years now.

50 kids at a party is nuts! At age 5 my kids mainly got presents. Now they are older they mainly get cash and vouchers. I started getting cinema vouchers and cash for friends from about age 7 and found it was reciprocated.

Agree with Annasgirl. In Ireland, cash gifts are the always the 'norm' for everything, whether stated or not. You write €5 party on birthday invitation and everyone sticks a fiver in the card. Tbh it's a lot less hassle. 👍

@caringcarer charity shops snd salvation army will tell you take all that stuff with you out again. they don’t want tons of poundstore toys either.... (i’ve tried - on thd yes please list are “medium and big lego sets (boxed and sealed, no own brand)”, current in-fashion character toys (boxed and sealed),
Not wanted: books, boardgames, small lego sets, own brand lego, not current craze characters toys, towels, children’s clothes.... with other world, they don’t want the stuff you usually get given at a birthday party

I am glad you made that clear, myself2020. I thought it was probably the case, but didn't know for sure.

The food bank where I volunteer hand out new toys at Christmas. Please consider holding a few back you know your dd won't play with and donating them to a charity.

No just grabby...if you feel you MUST ask for money, then why not ask for small donations to sponsor an animal at the local zoo?

That’s so sensible @DoingWhatWorks

Depends on the child and age, but at 5 mine loved getting all the presents on their birthdays. My children only have a present from us (and the party which costs about £300) and a present from my parents. They’d hate a fiver in a card as would I.

Now ds1 is 7 he puts more value in one decent thing he can choose so would prefer it. Most people round here budget about a tenner per child from what I can guess at the party presents we receive.

I think now you've said no presents please you can't come back with anything else. But in general, as much as I don't like the concept of cash requests per se (because of the pressure it puts on people to give big) if you do specify say £2 for the piggy bank or something like that then I think it's a pretty good idea actually!

Just say no presents. Do a book swap instead. Every guest brings a book and every one gets to take one home (buy a few extra so everyone gets a good one). No party favours then either!