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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
LagunaBubbles · 28/09/2019 06:12

Omg of course you can't ask for cash, how cheeky and rude! If you didn't want "50 plastic tat presents" then you shouldn't have invited 50 people! Sone people naturally might give cash anyway. And I find the "no presents" thing sad as choosing and wrapping a present for a friend is a nice thing my kids used to love!

dancingmom · 28/09/2019 06:13

For goodness sake. Say nothing and put extra gifts in a cupboard for Christmas. If you are going to be so ridiculous as to invite 50 people to a children's party then you're going to get a lot of small presents! How silly. Don't be so rude.

Beautiful3 · 28/09/2019 06:18

Love another posters idea of change for her piggy bank. I would live to give a fiver instead of buying crap and wrapping it up.

LaidbackLibra · 28/09/2019 06:19

If there are any presents you receive that you feel are in excess, there are charities that collect brand new toys for children in the run up to December to ensure they have something to unwrap for Christmas. I've donated to Cash for Kids in the past after receiving too much for my kids. I know what you mean about the plastic/waste so as the party is next week I'd just be grateful to the party goers and donate.

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 06:20

@Beautiful3 you can buy lots of things for a fiver that aren’t crap.

painauchocolat84 · 28/09/2019 06:21

DONT! This would be obscenely rude!!! I wouldn’t give you cash even if you asked and would think you were a right CF.

Paperplain · 28/09/2019 06:23

I'm taking my DS tiba party (9) this weekend and have been asked for cash instead - they birthday boy is saving for a Garmin! I'm thrilled with the approach - sensible, less waste and I don't have to go shopping. I would spend more than I've been asked to give so win win.

Go for it.

westcountrychicken · 28/09/2019 06:23

I would say yes, say no presents are necessary but a pound in the card as they are saving for XYZ would be lovely.

lyralalala · 28/09/2019 06:23

Love another posters idea of change for her piggy bank. I would live to give a fiver instead of buying crap and wrapping it up.

I love it. There was a few people who raised an eyebrow and thought the mum rude, but now pretty much everyone does it and it’s great as it’s so much easier. The kids all love it as wel.

KangapooandRoo · 28/09/2019 06:25

I've tried saying no presents, it doesn't work.
I always give cash these days in the hope other parents see how lovely it is not have millions of plastic toys.

MaybeitsMaybelline · 28/09/2019 06:28

Absolutely do NOT ask for cash.

Put a few nice words about saving the environment and only wanting their presence at the party and chances are you will get a few fivers put in the card anyway.

Asking for money is so grabby and rude.

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 06:28

@Paperplain it’s different I’m guessing your DS knows all this classmates well at the age of 9 and you would know most of the parents . The OPs child has only known these kids for three weeks. I imagine she hasn’t met all 50 of the parents .

speakout · 28/09/2019 06:30

Asking for cash is rude and vulgar.

lovemenorca · 28/09/2019 06:31

No, please no. Seriously, no.

anything you don’t want - bows the perfect time to donate as so many local campaigns for deprived children or just give to charity shop

ittooshallpass · 28/09/2019 06:32

We do the money in a card thing around here too... much easier, less waste and birthday child gets to choose something they’d really like. I don’t think it’s cheeky at all, just word it as a PP has done, saying no presents or £2 for piggy bank. I can assure you, you’ll see the same message in the next party your children get invited to!

Original poster
HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 06:33

Ok, I get the point

I actually already sent a note saying that presents weren’t expected at all when the invites first went out so I will leave it there, and find somewhere to put aside presents for re-gifting

OP posts:
PaganPriestess · 28/09/2019 06:33

The more I think about it, get DC to choose a charity, then ask for donation. You can start a GoFundMe page linked to the charity, or a jazzed up charity pot for children to pop money into.

I'm guessing DC have pretty much all they want. Another idea could be donating presents to your local hospitals children ward or children's home. A good lesson for DC to share your joy with others. I'm glad parties weren't a thing when my DD was at school, as no parent has any real clue what to buy.

This just popped into my head, an Amazon Wishlist. That way you get what you want/need.

speakout · 28/09/2019 06:34

You could give your children half of the gifts and donate the rest.
Every christmas our local radio station have a toy collection in the city, boxes are set up in toy shops and stores,asking people to buy extra gifts and toys for kids in care and deprived circumstances.
You could donate to similar, a womans' refuge or social work or care home.

Original poster
HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 06:36

To all the people asking about why so many invites - the twins are in separate classes and I wanted to do a whole class invite so the kids could get to know each other outside of school (and the parents could too), plus it’s way to early to know who their friends are yet!

OP posts:
blackcat86 · 28/09/2019 06:37

Personally I'm a big fan of fiver parties where no presents are expected and popping £5 in a card is gratefully received. However, I would be really annoyed with only 1 weeks notice when presents would already have been purchased. Suck it up this year and be clearer of expectations next year.

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 06:38

@PaganPriestess you would send complete strangers that your kids have only known for three weeks a link to an Amazon Wishlist . Where you need to spend £20 to get free delivery .

Salene · 28/09/2019 06:39

I keep excess presents from parties and give them away at Xmas to our local toy appeal for under privileged kids , I would do that I wouldn't even asking people to give money to your kids.

Heartshappedsunglasses · 28/09/2019 06:40

Have invites already gone out? That makes it trickier although you can go down the line of a group message to say a few people have asked about gifts silly me I forgot to say kids have so much stuff and are saving for (insert item) please feel free to put a coin in his money box for it.

We need to think about our impact on the planet and not be so wasteful.
I just asked for donations towards a large item and it went down well. But then we didn’t do party bags either, just let kids choose a book from a selection I got ah the charity shop which also went down well.

SnorkMaiden81 · 28/09/2019 06:41

Honestly I don't think there's anything more vulgar or a more clear indication of who someone really is than them requesting cash instead of a present at any occasion.

Awful.

Otter46 · 28/09/2019 06:43

You could consider giving some to your local hospitals children’s ward as they always seem to be in need of new stuff

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