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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
MutedUser · 28/09/2019 06:44

Just read your update OP so you already mentioned with invites no presents were required and now wanted to message asking for cash. That’s even more cheeky.

Paperplain · 28/09/2019 06:46

Muteduser - actually no, I don't k win the parents or any of the other parents or kids at all. So there goes your theory!

kristallen · 28/09/2019 06:50

I have this problem too. Not twins, but whole class parties and too many presents. It's hard st the beginning of the year when you don't know the other parents. My DS is a bit older than yours but next year I'm going to say he's saving up for X and if anybody would like to help him it would be a great gift idea. It will be something he's actually saving for though.

I think it's going to be easier as the environment is already becoming a huge part of the discussion. So by next year will be much easier to frame.

MmmBlowholes · 28/09/2019 06:51

Name change fail?

kristallen · 28/09/2019 06:52
  • I've tried saying no gifts before but everybody brought one and some people thought I was being mean to my child when I said it (they asked in person).
EleanorReally · 28/09/2019 06:54

i cant understand this plastic tat you assume you will get, who is giving plastic tat?

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 06:55

@Paperplain if it’s the same situation as the OP and your DS party is school friends I would say unless your son has just moved school. To not have meet any of the other parents at parents nights or play dates in 4 years. Or even other party’s is not the norm.

Oysterbabe · 28/09/2019 06:56

Christmas is coming so I'm sure you'll have the chance to regift some and stash others for future parties. My DD's party is 5th Jan so I'm sure she'll get 100% unwanted gifts, and that's absolutely fine Smile

DustyD2 · 28/09/2019 06:58

At our school another mum, not the party host mum, emails the other parents with a kindly worded message (excluding the party child's) And asks if people would like to contribute towards a joint gift. They collect money and bring that gift to the party. Contribution is usually around £7/8. So far people have had big Lego sets, scooters, fit bits etc depending on what birthday child (parent!) Has suggested. Some people choose to bring individual gifts. It didn't seem to cause offence as we do this for pretty much all school birthdays now as it works so well. Saves getting a cupboard full of stuff and usually cheaper for gift giving parent too as it's hard to get a decent gift for £7 any more. Also better for the planet!

Catapillarsruletheworld · 28/09/2019 07:00

No you can’t ask for cash. It’s really rude and seems quite grabby. Sorry.

You can always donate unwanted gifts to hospitals, or children’s charities.

Paperplain · 28/09/2019 07:00

Muted - it's the norm where we are are so obviously our experiences are different.

Anyway, my point is that I am more than happy to be asked for cash for a child's birthday party - and I don't know the parents or the child. I will say it again, it is less waste, the child is saving for something specific and saves me a shopping trip.

Obviously we think differently and that is fine.

CasperGutman · 28/09/2019 07:02

All my kids' classmates have asked for no gifts except a strictly optional £1 coin in a card. It's the second best idea anyone ever had.

The absolute best idea was joint parties. It means we only have to take them to about one party a month instead of most weekends being taken up with them. Wonderful!

Jesse70 · 28/09/2019 07:05

Yeah say no presents of they still want to ask them to give a charitable donation

MutedUser · 28/09/2019 07:07

@Casper I love the idea of joint parties but by the time siblings and cousins and other friends for multiple kids are included the parties must be massive.

msmith501 · 28/09/2019 07:07

Hopefully none of the parents of the kids coming to the party are reading this thread. I imagine they'll be delighted that the OP has decided in advance that the presents will most likely be shit and need to be re-gifted. I'd just accept the presents with good grace and be glad my kids had friends who cared.

Putthekettleonplease · 28/09/2019 07:10

I agree with you OP. Although I what I would do is send an email with some links to gifts you twins want, like a scooter or something big. And say, if you wish to buy twins a present, perhaps you could club together and get this insert link for scooter.

That’s was we do in our class. Nominate someone you like to organise it if that’s easier. Explain why. And ask them to send the email.

Kids get one big present each.

Surfskatefamily · 28/09/2019 07:10

Oh nooo don't ask for cash as it will come accross grabby and rude. You could donate some presents if they get way too much

Oysterbabe · 28/09/2019 07:11

The party is next week. It is too late to say anything about the gifts as most people will have already sorted something.

Paperplain · 28/09/2019 07:12

The wording of the invite we received was good. It said something along the lines of "x is saving for a Garmin and so if you need present ideas a $10 contribution towards that would be breast".

Great idea.

Paperplain · 28/09/2019 07:13

Great not breast!Blush

Freaking0ut · 28/09/2019 07:15

The ‘coin in a card’ idea is great, I can’t see any downsides to it. It’s affordable for those of us who have billions of parties each year (a fiver each time adds up), it reduces waste massively, the kid has a decent amount and can choose something they really want, your house doesn’t get filled up with stuff (and let’s face it, most of the time it is tat).

We tried it in our class last year and one cheeky fucker mum complained that £2 she asked for from everyone actually wasn’t enough and she wanted more for her son which created a lot of bad feeling. But others have done it really successfully and I plan to do it for my own son’s party too.

Phineyj · 28/09/2019 07:16

It's too late to manage this situation. You'll just have to accept the loot and think about it in advance next time. 50 kids at a party is bonkers!

stucknoue · 28/09/2019 07:19

NO! You can ask for no gifts or say you are collecting for charity - the food bank is a good one but asking for cash will result in people not coming and you will be "that" parent for the rest of primary!

Pinkyyy · 28/09/2019 07:21

I would find this exceptionally rude, especially if you've already said presents aren't necessary.

user1484 · 28/09/2019 07:21

Do you know any of the parents well?
Maybe you can suggest them privately to approach other parents and buy something ‘bigger’ together.
I know many people do that, although maybe in later years when they know each other better?