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Original poster

my only sister has just called her baby the same name as mine

234 replies

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 08:58

My sister is 33 and has 3 girls (Katie 6, Penny 4, Emily 2) and yesterday had a boy. I have 2 boys (Matthew 4 and Thomas 1). We have never been very friendly, and she has always resented me as the younger child. This morning they have announced its name is to be Thomas, stating that Thomas was always her name and its in her husbands family. I feel like i have been slapped in the face, this is more about her showing me she doesn't give a shite about my feelings - she didn't even call me personally to tell me the name or did they speak to me beforehand to ask if i'd mind. Am i being a cow to be upset? My mum and dad are trying to keep the peace but i am furious! HELP! (oh and i am pregnant due tomorrow)

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsantenatel · 13/08/2007 04:56

OK Update - so you all know (and thank you so much for all your postings, this is the first time i had used mumsnet for a rant and boy did it help stop me from being angry and making me look stupid). On Friday afternoon my sister called me (in response to my mum calling her to ask the name). We did polite chit chat for several minutes and then she confronted me, so instead of being angry I told her how hurt i was that she was calling it Thomas and that it would have been nice if she'd spoken to be beforehand, as i would not have called my son Thomas if i had known she felt so strongly about a name. To be honest, i was calm for about 3 minutes and then burst out crying (totally not like me). I said i wasn't ever going to say she couldn't use it, and that i would get over it but i did want to make it clear to her that it had hurt me. Anyway, she fessed up that it was all her husbands insistance (he is very high up powerful business man and he is used to getting what he wants) and the reason they hadn't announced the name for 2 days was that they were 'deliberating' over it (basically i think my sis knew it wasn't right but he was pushing it saying its in his family generation - but for the record not in his name, his dads name of his great grandads name, way up the line). Anyway, what was better is that i was honest and asked why she had such a problem with me (my whole life) and we had a good hour or 'getting it all off our chests' and i came off the phone feeling much much calmer, like i've had a weight lifted. An email came out on Saturday announcing the name as Jack Thomas William, and mum spoke to Lynn yesterday and she is thrilled (this is what she wanted all along) so it seems. So although i'm not sure how it will be when we next see each other, i do feel we have cleared some air and hopefully things will get better between us. I'm not going to mention the Thomas/Jack thing again and i bought a lovely present to post to Jack and the girls which i hope will show her i do care. Don't think my brother in law will speak to me again though, although i'm getting quite good at putting on false polite front, which is what he has been doing to all of us in the family for years!
So thanks everyone - honestly is def the best policy.

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsantenatel · 13/08/2007 05:04

Mumsnet Discussions: Childbirth : Mrs Antenatel - i am having contractions!
(started this incase anyone wants to know)

OP posts:
PollyLogos · 13/08/2007 07:48

Sounds like everything has worked out well for you and your sister. I hope this brings you both closer - I have always been envious of my friends who have sisters!

Sounds like your sister could do with a friendly, sisterly shoulder sometimes too, if her dh is difficult!

Looking forward to hearing your birth announcement. Good luck!!!

Beetroot · 13/08/2007 07:56

MrsA How wonderful.

I think that you an now keep channels open between you and your sister and develop a good friendship. YOu never know she may need it in the future if her H is a difficult man. Emails and phone calls are really important and if you carry on doing them regularly things will change.

BTW would she enjoy the joke if you emailed her saying your new dd or ds is to be called by the name of one of her children and then put (JOKE) after it?

IE

Dear Sis

dd/ds has arrived and we are going to name him/her Penny (not really) Blah blah blah

Lots of love Sis

pointydog · 13/08/2007 08:09

ahhhhh! A warm fuzzy ending (ish). Good luck with the labour

helenhismadwife · 13/08/2007 08:29

good for you Mrsa telling her how she felt it does sound like she was being 'bullied' by her husband its good that you were able to talk to her.

Good luck with your labour and delivery hope its all going well hope you update here I have trouble finding messages

WaynettaSlob · 13/08/2007 08:45

Beery - but wouldn't that just stir things up, espcially when they're calming down?

pagwatch · 13/08/2007 08:56

Noooo don't make a joke like that about it. It will just seem really snide. I certainly would take it as a dig - and when things are so fragile ! Don't do it - not funny.

GoingThroughChanges · 13/08/2007 11:29

Glad it's sorted

I wouldn't out a joke like that in either, could bring it all up again!

Beetroot · 13/08/2007 11:30

yeah maybe - depends of what sort of people they are tbh.

It was only an offer, a thought - you can see my sense of humour!!!

anniemac · 13/08/2007 11:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

anniemac · 13/08/2007 11:48

This reply has been deleted

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mm22bys · 13/08/2007 12:35

I love a happy ending!

All the best with the imminent arrival!

mummypoppins · 13/08/2007 14:23

Mrs Antenatal I am so pleased it was resolved and good luck for the new arrival.

The same thing happened to me. I have an 8 year daughter called Alexandra which is shortened to Alex most of the time.

My husband's younger sister who is the laziest most self opinionated madam..........nicknamed in our house as the Queen of Sheba as she lives abroad sitting on her fat arse all day long with 2 maids SAHM and then swans home twice a year with her hubby and DS and eats everyone out of house and home ,arrives empty handed and then says they are 2 poor to hire a car so insists on borrowing every one elses..........had a baby boy last year.

I asked her in conversation one day a month before he was born if they had chosen names and she said they had but it was a suprise.

When he was born my mil told me gleefully that he was called Alexander. I was hopping mad. My sil has never to this day acknowledged that she chose the same name and he is always known as Alex.

I didnt know whether to be flattered or mad. I sent some flowers and a teddy bear but refuse to acknowledge him I am afraid. Harsh I know but then my sil has never done bdays and christmases even though I have always given her and DP/dh chocs and champagne for xmas. One year she even turned up at Christmas empty handed without even so much as a bar of chocolate for my 2. I swore I would never have her in the house again.

As you can see I too have big issues with my SIL mainly over her childish spoilt behaviour at the cost of my PIL who are in their 80's but the name thing did not help either.My husband and I have been uber generous to her in the past. Meals out, meals at home and alcohol even lending her money and yet I cannot recall her ever having bought me a drink or cooked me a meal and then to top it all she displays such an appalling case of bad manners.

I have read most of the posts on this thread and whatever the rights and wrongs in each case are it is just PLAIN F*G RUDE and for that there is NO EXCUSE.

RANT OVER!!!!!

Howdydoody · 13/08/2007 14:27

You refuse to acknowledge the baby because of his name and your sil's behaviour Marypoppins?

bookwormtailmum · 13/08/2007 14:33

Oh fabby Mrs A - I'm so pleased that it's sorted .

mummypoppins · 13/08/2007 14:34

Howdydoody yes in the same way my SIL has never acknowledged either of my 2 who are 8 and 6. At laest I sent flowers and a present when he was born. We had nothing from her when I gave birth

I have never even seen the child. When she comes over home she lands on us in the evening for a free meal and leaves PIL to babysit.

mamazon · 13/08/2007 14:39

poor child. to grow up in a family already known as the second thomas.

i think its prefectly OK to be angry at this TBH.

my response would be... "oh so you chose to copy me, how flattering"

emj23 · 13/08/2007 14:48

I'm really glad you sorted this out with your sister, and I hope the birth went brilliantly.

fridayschild · 13/08/2007 17:51

I love a happy ending

And maybe it will bring the 2 little cousins closer together as another poster suggested

calordan · 13/08/2007 18:26

Had a text from mrsantenatel, Harriet Ava was born naturally and within the hour of getting to hospital at 1:03pm 7lb 14 both of us fine and waiting to hear if we can come home tonight.

handlemecarefully · 13/08/2007 18:30

OK I am not getting this. Have only read OP but why should she not call her son Thomas if she likes the name?

LIZS · 13/08/2007 18:36

good resolution and congratulations on the safe arrival of Harriet

handlemecarefully · 13/08/2007 18:38

Ha! have now skimmed thread. Glad there was a resolution

meandmy · 13/08/2007 18:40

my cousin is named after me (my uncle is my god father and named his dd after me)
two of my other cousins share a name male/female
my aunty called her dd emily after her sisters dd emma
so not a strange thing in our family tbh

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