Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my only sister has just called her baby the same name as mine

234 replies

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 08:58

My sister is 33 and has 3 girls (Katie 6, Penny 4, Emily 2) and yesterday had a boy. I have 2 boys (Matthew 4 and Thomas 1). We have never been very friendly, and she has always resented me as the younger child. This morning they have announced its name is to be Thomas, stating that Thomas was always her name and its in her husbands family. I feel like i have been slapped in the face, this is more about her showing me she doesn't give a shite about my feelings - she didn't even call me personally to tell me the name or did they speak to me beforehand to ask if i'd mind. Am i being a cow to be upset? My mum and dad are trying to keep the peace but i am furious! HELP! (oh and i am pregnant due tomorrow)

OP posts:
binklehasflipped · 10/08/2007 10:37

havent read any posts but the OP but I would say that as annoying as it is, it's every parent's right to choose whatever name they want for their children and it shouldn't be influenced by anyone elses choices.

binklehasflipped · 10/08/2007 10:38

and it shouldnt be a competition either - you like the name - she like she name - whats the problem?

BabiesEverywhere · 10/08/2007 10:39

I was on the other side of this type of thing.

My DD has the name that was my favourite name from childhood and we decided early in pregnancy we wanted to use this name and told my MIL. My MIL told my DH's cousin who gave the same name to her DD born 1 month earlier than my DD.

I couldn't think of another girl's name and in a fit of hormonals though FFS we'll barely see this other child (lives in Europe) why should we be deprived of using a name we love and we planned to use because they used it too. There will be millions of child all over the world with the same name...who cares.

Please don't take this out on the child concerned though...it is not his fault you and his mum don't get on.

snowleopard · 10/08/2007 10:39

Oh and my other thought is if you use a nickname for him, you too will be dragging him into the "issues" you and your sister have with each other, which isn't fair. From a new baby's point of view, he has the name he has, he didn't chose it and he has the right to have it be used properly and respectfully, IYSWIM.

snowleopard · 10/08/2007 10:40

x-posted BE!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 10/08/2007 10:43

It's really not such a big deal, IMVHO.

You both like the name - yikes you do have something in common after all......

Anyway, if you dont see her much, I cant see it being an issue (not that it should really anyway).

My cousin knew I had a name reserved for if I had a DS, and when the time came and her DD was born, she called her DD the feminine version of it (born a month before my DS). I had no compunction about using it - it was also a family name on DP's side and for the amount of times they've been in the room together (twice in 2 years) it makes not a job of difference. It does get confusing when talking bout the two of them and saying the wrong name

greenday · 10/08/2007 10:44

Imagine throwing in the comment with beaming sincerity, 'how nice! little Tom is named after my Tom!' to everyone and at every opportunity in front of your sis.

Your sis will definitely regret naming her son 'Thomas' and realise this wasn't her wisest decision to have a go at you (if it was really a personal thing between you and her). Infact, she'll realise that she has probably made herself more vulnerable to you and given you the perfect opportunity to get back at her.

But, that's if you really want to go down that route. It'll be satisfying but will not help to mend ties. I tend to agree too with Ernest.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 10/08/2007 10:44

...a jot of difference....

stleger · 10/08/2007 10:45

My boss years ago had a dog called Hollie and a granddaughter called Hollie. He had a photo of the dog in the office.... Your sister is daft, and annoying.

fiddlemama · 10/08/2007 10:46

It's irritating alright and only you know your situation with your sister well enough to know whether a) She's done it primarily to rack you off or b) She really has always wanted a son called Thomas and the fact that it is a family name is very important to her DH.
I had a yen for a particular girl's name but my sister got there first so I dropped it ( not without a certain amount of regret and, if I'm honest, a tiny bit of resentment. ) However it was not a family on either side. When my cousin beat me to my boy's name, because it was one of my DH's family names, we used it as DS's middle name.
If you're expecting your next baby so soon, you probably are a little more emotional at the moment (no offence intended) and it may not seem so bad in a few months time when you have got used to the fact.
Must say that I do think it's bit remiss of her not to telephone you and talk to you about it herself though, even if you're not exactly "best buddies". Perhaps, and I'm trying to be generous here, given that she's just given birth and bound to be a bit more hormonal herself, she just couldn't face what she thought would be an inevitable row?
For what it's worth, I don't think that sending her a sarcastic message or using a deliberately demeaning name for the new baby like "Little Thomas" or "Thomas Two" will help feelings within the family generally and might even make people think that you are the spiteful one. (Not that I'm saying your sis is spiteful, just that it could maybe look like that to some )
Remember that you got there first and she will always look like the copycat, even if her excuses are genuine, and that's always going to be annoying for her.
Best wishes for the confinement.

calordan · 10/08/2007 11:13

I think it is different for cousins to name kids the same, but sisters. Especially when you have no other siblings.

calordan · 10/08/2007 11:15

She must have known that this would wind you up, she had the chance to talk to you about it when your son was born and throughout this pregnancy. I think this is an attempt to steal the thunder over your impending birth. Utter bitch

Spandex · 10/08/2007 11:24

Yeah. But I would totally ignore it. Don't ever let her see that she's got to you. Silly mare.

Tortington · 10/08/2007 11:24

i thinkyour taking completely the wrong stance in managing the situation.

i would be " well it is a great name, no wonder she wanted it, she is copying my good taste obviously "

that should make her fume

kslatts · 10/08/2007 11:25

It does seem a bit odd, but maybe she has always wanted to call her ds Thomas, maybe even before your ds was born then. If my sister named her child the same as mine I would find it a bit odd but it wouldn't upset me.

I think YABU.

ronshar · 10/08/2007 11:28

It sounds very much like she is jealous of you and your life.
I shall keep having babies until I have a boy for my husband, who isnt interested in the girls, that is a perfect life isnt it!!
Sibling rivalry has a lot to answer for.
I would just ignore it and remember that you are probably happier in your world than she sounds like she is in hers

FioFio · 10/08/2007 11:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Peachy · 10/08/2007 11:32

Very odd

come up with a fderivative and insist on using it whatever (tom-tiom or something that your ds is unlikely to be known as).

YANBU

I have 2 sisters, we all ahve boys- I have 3, sister has one, other has one with anophter sue November. We never wuld do this.

Peachy · 10/08/2007 11:37

There are loads of roberts in our family btw- on Dad's side. Known as (just the cousins)- Robert, bob, Boghead (dont ask).

IN Mum's its daves- sister amrried one, 2 of my Aunts amrried one, Aunt also named her child 9to a previous amriage) Dave

Just means that everyone is X's-dave or Y's-Dave.

WanderingTrolley · 10/08/2007 11:38

Agree with custardo.

You're reading far too much into this.

She has not said, "We are calling him Thomas, therefore you must change the name of your child because, as your older sister, you must understand you exist to validate my seniority."

She lives miles away. You and she aren't close. Let it go. It is the name of her child, not a personal attack.

In announcing it the way she has, she's played it badly. Telling you early on she really likes the name would be a better way to go, imo. She's behaved a bit strangely.

Send a card etc into which she can read nothing. Put a cheerful spin on it, tell her you think it's a great name

It isn't the baby's fault his mother is gauche.

yeahinaminute · 10/08/2007 11:44

On my Dad's side I have 23 1st cousins - within that mix we have a trio of Tim's ( all with the same surname !!) a brace of Michael's and a veritable galaxy of Patricia's...... and that's not to mention spouses etc with the same names and cousin's children that have doubled up on names
!!
But then that was fairly normal back in the old day's when no-one was quite so ( and please don't take this the wrong way) precious about names

My brother and I are unique on that side of the family name - wise but both share our names with 1st cousins on my mum's side ....

And as other's have said we do tend to end up with prefix's of XYZ's Michael, Patricia etc etc

Lorayn · 10/08/2007 11:46

It is pathetic and YANBU, a friend of mine had a little girl, called it tamsin and said it would be tammy for short, 5 months later her sister got pregnant, and ended up calling the baby tammy.................
I think it is ridiculous.

fiddlemama · 10/08/2007 11:48

Calordan. Understand the sentiment and I too had wondered about the sis not talking about it when mrsan had her baby but then thought:
A year ago sis wasn't pregnant and possibly didn't know she would be again. (I know she had said she was going to keep trying for a boy but none of us can take pregnancy for granted can we?)
If she did get pregnant again it might have been another girl (my MIL's mum had five girls and then gave up).
If either of these things happened it would have been an argument not worth having had. (sorry about grammar there!)
Some people just back off from confrontation unless they feel it's absolutely necessary.
Don't know the ins and outs of the sisters' relationship history but there's usually two sides to every story and she may just have been trying not to stir bad feelings at the time when her sis had just had a baby? Also it obviously doesn't bother her to name her DS the same as his cousin so maybe she really doesn't think it's a big deal? Maybe she genuinely wouldn't care if it was the other way round?
Sorry if I'm being a bit sanctimonious and I really don't mean to be, but there are two mums here, one just delivered and one about to be and for theirs and the babies' sakes, shouldn't we be trying to sooth rather than add fuel to the fire? Last thing either if these mums need is winding up and yes I know sis in Dubai has already wound up mrsan but any more of the same is surely not good for mrsan, or her baby?
I really think she should take comfort in the fact that she "got there first" and just concentrate on herself, her own new baby and her two boys.

Peachy · 10/08/2007 11:48

Every girl I know called tammy or tamsin / tamara gets called tampax for short when she hits secondary.

Just a thought!

mears · 10/08/2007 11:49

Sounds to me that you are both not close. She has wanted to have Thomas as a boy's name and as Elliot posted earlier, she may have been upset that you used it first.

Since it is a name she wanted, it is in her husbands family and you don't see much of each other she probably thought why not.

I think she wouldn't have wanted to tell you direct because she knows it is a strange thing to do nowadays, and that she would know that this would be your reaction.

Totally rise above it. Do not get upset over something you can't change. Send her a congratulations card and do what we all do when we have fallouts with sisters (I have 4) - moan to your DH and your friends but maintain a dignified front.

It says more about her than you the fact she is naming him Thomas.

Swipe left for the next trending thread