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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

my only sister has just called her baby the same name as mine

234 replies

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 08:58

My sister is 33 and has 3 girls (Katie 6, Penny 4, Emily 2) and yesterday had a boy. I have 2 boys (Matthew 4 and Thomas 1). We have never been very friendly, and she has always resented me as the younger child. This morning they have announced its name is to be Thomas, stating that Thomas was always her name and its in her husbands family. I feel like i have been slapped in the face, this is more about her showing me she doesn't give a shite about my feelings - she didn't even call me personally to tell me the name or did they speak to me beforehand to ask if i'd mind. Am i being a cow to be upset? My mum and dad are trying to keep the peace but i am furious! HELP! (oh and i am pregnant due tomorrow)

OP posts:
mears · 10/08/2007 11:50

BTW - I knew before I was pregnant that I would call my firstborn son David - I would have been really upset if any of my sisters beat me to it.

nomoremagnolia · 10/08/2007 11:57

I can understand how you feel as a few months ago a friend named her DD the name I want for my first daughter - I was gutted at first, but it's a popular name and it's not going to stop me using it when/if the time comes.

But speaking as someone who has the same first name as her cousin (our Mums are sisters) I can say it never bothered me - if anything it made me feel special because there was someone else with my name too.

Hope it all works out ok

ProjectSeverus · 10/08/2007 12:01

She will be tied up in knots about it, defensive and belligerent. Don't give her a fight she is clearly a bit mad.

Rise above it amd know smugly that you had it first.

Parsleypants · 10/08/2007 12:04

It is a bit of an odd one - it would have been nice if she could have called you first to see how you felt about it, even though you wouldn't have really had grounds to to say no, she can choose any name she likes after all. It doesn't sound like you have that kind of relationship though unfortunately. I can totally understand how you feel but agree the best thing to do is send a nice card and gift and don't give her the power of knowing how you feel about it - and enjoy the view from the moral high ground! It is a lovely name - it is ds' second name!

mazzystar · 10/08/2007 12:10

is she still in a hormonal fug?
surely she will realise its probably not going to be in the best interests of her little boy to be called the same as his cousin.
but rise above and don't comment.

calordan · 10/08/2007 12:19

fiddlemama, not getting into a ruck with you, am not going to tell mrsan that SIBU, when I dont think she is, I believe her sister has made an attack on her the only way she could, and could have avoided it in so many ways, mrsan has the chance to feel that she has been wronged but can rise above it and not play her sisters game.

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 12:22

custy - I agree - and I got there first - well dh did

NadineBaggott · 10/08/2007 12:24

I can't understand why people get upset about this. Kids grow up and go out into the big wide world. There'll be hundreds of boys named Thomas, like I said, it ain't unique.

Maybe you call your ds Thomas, maybe she will call hers Tom, Tommy or Tombo!!!

Your nephew will probably have his own life away from your family. It's only a big deal because you're making it so - take it as a compliment and move on.

onlyWotz · 10/08/2007 12:25

odd thing for her to do
agree with some others and call him Little Tom or Tom2 ! Not his fault though!

fiddlemama · 10/08/2007 12:29

Sorry Calordan. Truly didn't mean to offend you. I certainly don't want to get into a ruck. And btw I don't think mrsan is being unreasonable to get upset either (totally understand your gut reaction too - perfectly reasonable and went there myself for a mo). I'm just sorry she is upset at a time when she should be calm and happy.
If anyone else was offended by what I said, esp mrsan, I am honestly deeply sorry.

fiddlemama · 10/08/2007 12:44

On a lighter note, my DD2 is called Susannah (Susie for short) I was really racked off when friend? called her new puppy Susie!

calordan · 10/08/2007 12:56

now that really is heinous crime fiddlemama,

Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 13:05

my mum has just spoken to sister (baby was born yesterday morning, but they still have not sent out the official email with photos to family, announcing name). Mum simply asked her what its name was going to be and she was told Thomas William and mum said have you spoken to your sister and she replied what the f*ck has it to do with her and then went off the phone. Her husband came onto the phone and said to mum what the hell have you said to her she is very upset and then hung up on mum.

Sisters husband and since called my husband (at work) to say that mum and sister have fallen out caused by me! My husband was very diplomatic and said he thought this was something that sisters should be talking about not the husbands and that she should call me - 3 hours later i am still waiting for a phone call, and wonder why she can't just pick up the phone to me or mum. Her husband seems to want to control everything, as he always does.

OP posts:
frogs · 10/08/2007 13:10

Step away, step away! It's their problem, not yours.

I inadvertently called my ds by the name dsis had always wanted to call her first son by. But my ds was born a good three years before her first child, and I had no idea she liked the name anyway. She took it on the chin, and actually only told me several months later. She then called her ds by my ds's middle name, which did make me slightly raise my eyebrows. But four years later it seems entirely right for him.

Your sis is trying to pick a fight. Don't give her the satisfaction, and don't get involved in any discussion, or justification, either with her direct or with your mum. You like your ds's name, you don't see your sis often, so just make a conscious decision that you are not going to let their shenanigans affect your life.

Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 13:11

I have really appreciated everyones comments and have calmed down, i know its not the babys fault and this is more a deep, long running jab at me from my sister. I can't understand why she didn't talk directly to me about 'Thomas' rather than store it up till after its born, she doesn't normally have a problem telling me 'how it is'!!! If she didn't feel guilty, why has she not responded to my congratulations text yesterday, why haven't they 'issued the formal email announcing the name' or after the husbands phone call mid morning, why have they not called. Its not like they are going to change their mind nor i expect them to, its just a total disrespect for my feelings that i don't even come into the equation. I hope i make sense! Anyway i am rising above it all!! (sign, deep breaths, calm....)

OP posts:
nailpolish · 10/08/2007 13:11

when i was pg with dd1 my cousin was pg too
we became close and i told her the name i had chosen for my dd - i told no-one else
she has her dd a few days before i did
i went to visit her and said "well hwat have you named her"
she had given her the name I HAD CHOSEN AND TOLD MY COUSIN IN CONFIDENCE
i was upset and said "you know that is the name i had chosen and i told you in confidence"
she said "tough i like it and i had my baby first thats the way the cookie crumbles"
i told mum and she said "you will have to choose another one"
i was so upset i couldnt think of a name, dh thankfully chose a beautiful name that really suits my dd
i havent spoken to bitch-face since

mrsantenatel, please dont worry. itll blow over, and at least your thomas was here first
just forget about everyone else and enjoy being with dh and the boys
x

Pruners · 10/08/2007 13:11

Message withdrawn

SenoraPostrophe · 10/08/2007 13:13

have only scan read thread, but have to say

"why didn't she respond to my text?"

er...because she's just had a baby? remember the second one is the biggest shock to the system.

Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 13:14

sorry seron.... you need to read it all to get it

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 10/08/2007 13:15

Agree with sp about why she's not responded to text. Dont' htink rest of thread comes into it.

Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 13:18

this is their 4th child, they went private in hospital, they have a nanny for 3 other kids, they have noone in dubai such as family to visit so no 'burden of visitors', they spent yesterday and today on phone/texting to everyone and have already spoken to my husband today and my parents

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 13:19

so texting, phoning and email is their only form of contact with family and believe me they have spoken to everyone

OP posts:
WanderingTrolley · 10/08/2007 13:22

She's just had a baby.

Contacting you will bring conflict (for her - Pruners' response excellent idea)

The two don't mix.

Also, she could be busy reading this thread

evil

Cammelia · 10/08/2007 13:30

I would find this really strange.

Its not usual or normal whatever spin people put on it.

Just thinking about my only sister calling her dd the same name as either of my dd's feels wrong.

Biglips · 10/08/2007 13:34

how bizzare is this???