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AIBU?

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Original poster

my only sister has just called her baby the same name as mine

234 replies

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 08:58

My sister is 33 and has 3 girls (Katie 6, Penny 4, Emily 2) and yesterday had a boy. I have 2 boys (Matthew 4 and Thomas 1). We have never been very friendly, and she has always resented me as the younger child. This morning they have announced its name is to be Thomas, stating that Thomas was always her name and its in her husbands family. I feel like i have been slapped in the face, this is more about her showing me she doesn't give a shite about my feelings - she didn't even call me personally to tell me the name or did they speak to me beforehand to ask if i'd mind. Am i being a cow to be upset? My mum and dad are trying to keep the peace but i am furious! HELP! (oh and i am pregnant due tomorrow)

OP posts:
Pruners · 10/08/2007 09:09

Message withdrawn

casbie · 10/08/2007 09:10

i feel the same way as the OP.

i would be upset - but as others have pointed out he will always be the 'other' thomas.

i was cross as my hubby's cousin named her daughter poppy (which is what lottie was going to be months before i was due and had to change my plans).

but, nevermind you'll have a gorgeous name for your baby that she hasn't even thought of!

Pruners · 10/08/2007 09:11

Message withdrawn

haychee · 10/08/2007 09:11

Dubai??

God, i wouldnt worry about the name! She and her baby Thomas live on the other side of the world.

I was going to say that, i didnt think you where being unreasonable. But now, i feel you are!

eleusis · 10/08/2007 09:13

I don't think it's so bad, especially if he is in fact named after someone in his father's family. My brother and cousin have the same name. Of course their dad also have that name so presumably they were each named after their father. Come to think of it I also have a cousin whose name is the same as my sister's name. We have lots of duplicates. I don't think it's a problem, really.

littlelapin · 10/08/2007 09:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunkyGlassSlipper · 10/08/2007 09:14

Given your relationship with your sister then the cousin Thomas's are unlikely to see much of each other. Rise above it.

eleusis · 10/08/2007 09:15

their dads, not dad. Just want to clarify the my cousins dad is not the same person as my dad.

Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 09:15

ok, so do i say nothing at all and carry on as normal - i know dubai is far away, but she comes home 4 times a year, stays with my folks for 2 - 3 weeks at a time who live round the corner. Can i just say the last 2 visits she has come 'last minute as her husband company pays for business class flights' and she came on they day Thomas was born and then remarked that noone was paying her enough attention, the second time was in February this year, when she came the week of my new shop (i am in retail) opening and then called me up and had a go that i was using mum to babysit too much (and did not visit the new shop once during her whole visit). We haven't spoken since.

OP posts:
wheresthehamster · 10/08/2007 09:17

Everything that elliott said - she probably wanted that name all along but you beat her to it.
She certainly wouldn't call him Thomas to annoy you unless she is seriously off the wall.

meandmyflyingmachine · 10/08/2007 09:17

You have issues way beyond baby names. For your own sake, let it go.

goingfor3 · 10/08/2007 09:17

Thomas is a really popular name. It would be more irritating if you both a really unusal name and he lived close by.

LadyVictoriaOfCake · 10/08/2007 09:18

you are bei9ng utterly unreasonable.

littlelapin · 10/08/2007 09:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

haychee · 10/08/2007 09:19

You can choose your friends but not your family!

Isnt it unfair! I have a sister like yours and thank god, she lives on the other side of the world too!

forgottenfreetime · 10/08/2007 09:19

Agree with elliot really. I can understand your feelings and I wwould feel that way too. However, you say your not that close so in time it may not impact upon your life so much. If your new baby is due now as well, you are probably a bit prone to strong emotions, (hope that doesn't sound patronising, and know that it doesn't really change anything even if true). I have called DD the same name as a good friend of mine, which I know is different, but somehow their names 'seem' different to me, they are just such different people. Hopefully this will happen for you with your son and your sisters son. Good luck with the rest of your pg and the birth!

collision · 10/08/2007 09:20

When I first read this I thought that she was ridiculous and petty and that you should be furious and have it out with her!

However, I now think you should rise above it and buy her something with his name on it and rave about what a wonderful name it is (blah blah blah!)

silly cow! I would be furious! why could she not have called him Harry thomas if she wanted to keep the name in the family!

gemmiegoatlegs · 10/08/2007 09:20

my dh's cousin (in a very close family) gave her daughter the same name as our's. Our daughter was born 4 months earlier so they are very close in age too. i was really gutted at the time, but i got over it. There is some confusion occassionally, eg. my daughter's birthday card went to the other Ella, but mostly the family refer to the girls by their first and surnames. I was bothered at first because it mademy daughter's name less unique for us, and i think i would find it harder to livewith if it was my own sister, IYKWIM.

MascaraOHara · 10/08/2007 09:21

she's nuts. you are not being unreasonable. bitterness will eat her away from the inside out so I'd let it go.. you're whole family will see the gesture for what it is even if they say nothing.

truly bizarre.

eleusis · 10/08/2007 09:23

Hey, when they are together you can call them TomTom.

forgottenfreetime · 10/08/2007 09:26

Have just read about sisters trips to Uk. No you're not being unreasonable but this is just one thing in a whole history of troubles isn't it? Be glad she lives elsewhere, take a deep breath and enjoy your own life without thinking too much about hers. Sympathies

Original poster
mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 09:26

thanks everyone! i have been balling my eyes out since mum called - i know this runs deeper than just a silly name, but it feels like the last straw. So do i say i am really upset that you have done this but congratulations and move on or make no reference to being upset at all - i basically feel like i want nothing to do with her again

OP posts:
lemonaid · 10/08/2007 09:29

Say nothing at all and carry on as normal. You and your sister have issues that go far, far beyond names and there's very little point trying to drag them all up over this. You don't particularly like each other, you have nothing in common, and you live in different countries -- there's no reason you need to have anything much to do with each other or why the fact that her son has the same name as yours should impact your life (annoying though it is).

Baffy · 10/08/2007 09:29

Think you should go with the suggestion of making up a nickname for him (e.g. tim-tom or tommy number 2) and just send her a lovely card saying 'congratulations on the birth of tommy number 2' and then try never to see her again!

If you make an issue out of it she'll know she has got to you.

Far better to turn it back around on her. She was obviously fed up that you got the name first! Always remember that!

The issues do run so much deeper and I think you are better off without people like this in your life. Even if she is your sister

pointydog · 10/08/2007 09:31

send a card to Little Thomas
from Matthew and Thomas

and say nothing to her at all about your feelings. Nothing.