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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

my only sister has just called her baby the same name as mine

234 replies

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 08:58

My sister is 33 and has 3 girls (Katie 6, Penny 4, Emily 2) and yesterday had a boy. I have 2 boys (Matthew 4 and Thomas 1). We have never been very friendly, and she has always resented me as the younger child. This morning they have announced its name is to be Thomas, stating that Thomas was always her name and its in her husbands family. I feel like i have been slapped in the face, this is more about her showing me she doesn't give a shite about my feelings - she didn't even call me personally to tell me the name or did they speak to me beforehand to ask if i'd mind. Am i being a cow to be upset? My mum and dad are trying to keep the peace but i am furious! HELP! (oh and i am pregnant due tomorrow)

OP posts:

haychee · 10/08/2007 09:56

pruners
I love it! The sarcasm is brilliant - sheer genius!

LIZS · 10/08/2007 09:58

It's a bit unimaginative of her and had it been me I'd have perhaps used it for a middle name if it were in the family but not a first one. SIL used ds' middle name for her son which I did feel , unreasonably, miffed about for a bit. At least if you have a girl you 'll have no qualms about using one of "her" names .

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/08/2007 09:59

i did give ds2 my nephews name as a middle name. it was a compliment. i also asked him to be godfather.

barbamama · 10/08/2007 10:00

Rise above it - she has made herself look petty and silly imo. You had the name first so don't worry about it - it is her son who will always be known as "the second". I have to say I think that is an extraordinary strange thing to do and very immature. Middle names the same maybe but not first names.

EmilyDavidson · 10/08/2007 10:00

I have the same name as my cousin ,meaning, my mum and her brother both called their first girl the same name. I was first . Its really not a problem,as far as i know it doesnt cause any confusion

Pruners · 10/08/2007 10:01

Message withdrawn

Leati · 10/08/2007 10:03

mrsantenatel,

I expect that you are reading to much into this name thing. There are several Mirandas in my family and no one has ever been upset. My husbands mother passed away from breast cancer and they both named their daughters after her.

I suspect the rift between your sister and you has a lot to do with how you feel over this name thing. Your sons are going to be cousins and for thier sakes you need to try and work this thing out.

calordan · 10/08/2007 10:04

If she was just doing it because she really loved the name that woulld be one thing but she obviously has huge issues with you, I think she wants a confrontoation and to show you as less than perfect, what you say publicly is not necassarily what you need to say to her face.

I know one of the things I would have to say is, if you really liked the name why didnt you tell me a year ago when I gave it to my son? Because although you dont mind sharing the name of our boys I dont have the luxury to choose that anymore.

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 10:06

although funny pruners, I thin it is too much.

Less is more!

Bewilderbeast · 10/08/2007 10:06

its an odd thing. We really wanted to call DS Jack but his cousin is Jack so we didn't we gave him Robert after his uncle as a middle name instead. I'd be a bit upset to be honest. It's uncomfortable when friends use 'your' name but when it's family

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 10:06

I loved the fact that my dh first thought was 'how flattering'

Bless him

forsale · 10/08/2007 10:08

or baby thomas a la royle family

ernest · 10/08/2007 10:17

making ANY comment, or changing it to a nickname will immediately make YOU look petty and deranged and spiteful. You should only send a card saying congratulations. By saying anything you achieve nothing positive. She won't suddenly change her mind based on you having a go at her. So you'll add ammo to her ill feelings towrds you. You clearly have a distant and strained relationship with her. Anything you say will make her feel justified in being off with you. You cannot 'win' with this one. Send a poilte card, and for your sanity's sake, put it out of your mind and keep your distance.

bookwormtailmum · 10/08/2007 10:18

Imagine how the baby is going to feel when he discovers that his aunt and mum fell out over his choice of name .

I wouldn't have chosen a name that my siblings had already chosen but she must have had her reasons for doing it. Just grin and bear it - at least it wasn't the name you have in mind for your new baby. You've still got a clean slate as far as they're concerned .

Pruners · 10/08/2007 10:18

Message withdrawn

Original poster

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 10:19

good point calordan if the name was such a big deal she should have told me as i wouldn't have used it (honest). The family thing on her side, is on her husbands side but isn't in his immediate family (husband, grandad, great grandad) but infact further back than that so i feel its just an excuse!

your right though i need to get over it and not let her see i am bothered.

OP posts:

mm22bys · 10/08/2007 10:19

My DH has a cousin with the same name as him.

Your DS is 1, right? And the baby is only "new"? You got in first, she is the one with the problem!

If you are not close, it is likely that your DS and his new cousin will not be close either.

I wouldn't worry.

(DH has a brother who has the same name as his BIL. One is "name"-first initial of his last name, the other is "same name"-first initial of HIS last name.)

Original poster

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 10:20

ernest - thanks you are right

OP posts:

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/08/2007 10:21

i think she is jealous of you.

are you younger than her?

if so i reckon you came along and knocked her nose out of joint and she has never got over it.

MyTwopenceworth · 10/08/2007 10:22

email her.

I am SO thrilled that you will be naming your baby after my son. I know we've had our ups and downs, but this will bring us so much closer. It is so lovely of you, and so flattering! I am so excited and have told EVERYONE that you are naming the new baby after our son in our honour.

I am really REALLY looking forward to meeting Thomas' namesake and hope you come over as SOON as he is born.

This is going to be a new beginning for us!

Love etc

Original poster

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 10:23

yes i'm 3 years younger and the whole thing is her husband wanted a boy (not that interested in their 3 girls) and ofcourse i've had 2 boys so she now hardly takes on my boys when she does see them and had told the family she would keep having babies till she got a 'boy' for her husband!

OP posts:

Guitargirl · 10/08/2007 10:28

Am with Pruners on the cup suggestion!

Other than that, I guess at least they don't live too close.

iesha · 10/08/2007 10:29

I haven;t read the full thread but I think you are being slightly unreasonable. If there is only you and your sister in hte family then surely she could have found another name easily enough, but my mum is one of ten and there are so many Joannes and Andrews in the family it's just plain confusing, and dads family name is william so there are loads of them in the family too. I'm afraid it's her choice in the long run so you'll just have to leave them to it.

Good luck with the new baby. enjoy your time with him/her and ignore your sisters choice and let her enjoy him too.

Baffy · 10/08/2007 10:32

I think ernest has a really good point there.

snowleopard · 10/08/2007 10:35

I would be outraged, she sounds as if she's being really nasty (the "her name" business - cow!), and to "use" her new baby like this is inexcusable. I think any sane person in her situation would say oh well, Thomas is taken, we'll just use it as a middle name or whatever.

However I agree you must rise above it and not say anything - you have to focus on yourself now and if you don't rise to it she's far more likely to reflect that she's been daft and feel silly.

I would be hugely tempted to send her a fake email announcing the birth of yours, saying "a little girl, Emily Kate" - but i'd try to resist.

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