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AIBU?

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Original poster

my only sister has just called her baby the same name as mine

234 replies

mrsantenatel · 10/08/2007 08:58

My sister is 33 and has 3 girls (Katie 6, Penny 4, Emily 2) and yesterday had a boy. I have 2 boys (Matthew 4 and Thomas 1). We have never been very friendly, and she has always resented me as the younger child. This morning they have announced its name is to be Thomas, stating that Thomas was always her name and its in her husbands family. I feel like i have been slapped in the face, this is more about her showing me she doesn't give a shite about my feelings - she didn't even call me personally to tell me the name or did they speak to me beforehand to ask if i'd mind. Am i being a cow to be upset? My mum and dad are trying to keep the peace but i am furious! HELP! (oh and i am pregnant due tomorrow)

OP posts:
meandmyflyingmachine · 10/08/2007 09:31

I think that probably for your parents' sake you should just leave it alone.

It must be very hard on them to have their daughters at loggerheads.

Freckle · 10/08/2007 09:31

Send her a congrats card saying "love from Mr & Mrs Antenatal, Matthew and Thomas No. 1".

It will be gracious of you and piss her off mightily.

Baffy · 10/08/2007 09:32

I like pointydog's suggestion

Then you have acknowledged the birth of their cousin and that's the end of it.

pointydog · 10/08/2007 09:32

maybe flying, but some parents encourage their children to be at loggerheads and some certainly do nothing to help.

Know nothing about mrsA's of course

WaynettaSlob · 10/08/2007 09:34

Agree with those who say to send her a congratulations card / present, sound happy for her (which I;m guessing she wouldn't be expecting) and then wait till she contacts you.

Also agree that your issues with your sister go way beyond her naming her child the same name, but you have your own lovely sons to look after, and the little baby in your tummy, so ocncentrate on them and don't waste your energy on her.

Go and get the card / present NOW, and get it sent today so you can have a bit of closure and put her out of your mind.

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 09:34

don't mentio it
rise above
send a huge congratulations card with a lovely present

devonsmummy · 10/08/2007 09:35

My DH's son and his sisters son both have the same name and they were born 5 days apart! DH and his then girlfriend had chosen the name and they told his sister - she then gave birth to a boy and used their name. DH and his girlfriend then went on to have a boy 5 days later and used the name as they had chosen it. When we talk about his sisters son we call him 'other Lewis'

JennsterBubsLayer · 10/08/2007 09:35

I have just called my lo the same name as sil's son. They are cousins, 6 years apart, different surnames and will meet 3 times a year max. To be fair her son was called george for 3 days before she asked permission from my dh to call him our ONLY boys name. 'Besides, when you eventually get round to having children, you will only have girls'..... She was DESPERATE for a girl and we did have a girl first time. MIL not overly happy but sod-em

IntergalacticWalrus · 10/08/2007 09:36

If it were me, I'd be livid, I must say

What a bizarre thing to do.

Also bizarre to say it's "her" name

She's got some ishoos

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 09:36

I would not mention or be in any way nasty about the name Thomas

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 09:36

Lov e form etc cetc aMatthew and Big Thomoas would not be bitchy

pulapula · 10/08/2007 09:36

My cousins (brother and sister) both have daughters called Rebecca. One Rebecca is a few years older than the other, and it did seem strange at the time to choose the same name, but its not too confusing, as one is "big Rebecca" and one is "little Rebecca" or "Rebecca 2". And at one time they were both living at my auntie's house too. I guess as your Thomas is only 1, they will be closer in age...

But I guess people can't have a monopoly on names, and she looks a bit strange for choosing Thomas after you did, but I'm sure in time, it won't feel so raw, or unusual.

Enjoy your little one when he/she arrives, and good luck.

Gee72 · 10/08/2007 09:37

Rise above it. Send her a card, don't mention the name or your feelings about it - don't give her the satisfaction.

Your Thomas will always be special to you.

YANBU, by the way.

Beetroot · 10/08/2007 09:39

Dh says he woudl be flattered that they thought your choice was so good they decided to use it for themselcves. and as they live in Dubai it is fine.

filchthemildmanneredjanitor · 10/08/2007 09:40

i agree with pointydog.

do NOT let her see that she has bothered you in any way, shape or form because then she has won hasn't she.

seriously.just accept it that she has named her child after yours because she wants her child to be as beautiful as yours and let it go.

once the haze has lifted she might realise her insanity and change it.

moljam · 10/08/2007 09:42

send a card congratulating her on 'tom'.thomas is a family name in my family.i have one!

CatIsSleepy · 10/08/2007 09:45

I would be annoyed I think...
mainly because of the way she seems to have gone about it.
It's a little weird to choose the same name but if she has lots of reasons I suppose it's fair enough-but she should have discussed it with you first.
But i agree-try and rise above it!

and good luck with impending birth btw

Pruners · 10/08/2007 09:48

Message withdrawn

NadineBaggott · 10/08/2007 09:51

tbh, honest I don't have a problem with this although i do think she should have discussed it with you first.

I had a friend who when pg decided if it was a boy it was going to be George - her SIL was also pg, had a boy first and called it George. Friend wouldn't call her ds George but I think she was barmy. If you like the name, use it, its not like its unique.

NadineBaggott · 10/08/2007 09:51

at Pruners - excellent!

greenday · 10/08/2007 09:51

At the end of the day, your Thomas was first, and you will always have claim over that. You'll always be one-up over her.

Agree with the rest that you should rise above it and say something in light-hearted 'sarcasm', like, 'oh, I don't mind sharing .. I'm very generous!' or keep referring to your nephew as 'Tom the 2nd'.

eleusis · 10/08/2007 09:52

Oh Pruners... BLAGTH! Way too mushy for people who don't have a close relationship.

Baffy · 10/08/2007 09:53

lol pruners!

pointydog · 10/08/2007 09:55

irony, eleusis

eleusis · 10/08/2007 09:56

Yes, but it reveals the true feelings in that irony. Better to leave it.

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