Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

[Surfskatefamily]

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

YANBU. DH and I both need to leave for work before 6am, so I shower the night before, wear clean pjs and have a flannel wash in the morning, and DH showers at work. But then we split childcare so we both have felt the pain of a toddler who has had their sleep interrupted.

IME toddlers are in a lighter sleep and much more likely to be disturbed by noise at that time, when their bodies think 'Oh it must be daytime' than they are at night when they're not long asleep.

I find it unlikely unless your shower is Niagara falls, could he wake for an other reason?

YANBU he's being a selfish arse. I thought it was bad enough that our DD wakes for the day at 5am when she hears DH stirring in the morning

My DD would be woken by this. Our en suite is ect to her bedroom and we don't flush at night as this even disturbs her.

Yanbu.he should shower the night before. Could he consider a bath if that would disturb her less?

What is he thinking of?? Not reasonable at all

You are certainly not unreasonable.

Toddlers can easily be woken in early morning - remember when winter came we always had a period of early wakings when the boiler would kick in at 5.30am and when dh when through a morning gym kick, my youngest also started waking at 5am.

It’s no hardship to have an evening shower. Really it’s not, given that the early morning shower is clearly unsettling your child.

YANBU

He sounds selfish.

"I find it unlikely unless your shower is Niagara falls, could he wake for an other reason?"

I disagree, our toddler wakes when DP goes into the bathroom in the morning, even the sound of the taps running wakes her. She also stirs most evenings when we use the bathroom before bed.

YANBU to ask him not to shower at such an unearthly hour, especially as he is not the one having to deal with the fallout.

Selfish arsehole.

He is definitely being unreasonable. I get up at 4:15 for work. The only thing I do upstairs is use the loo, I bring everything I need to get ready downstairs the night before and have an extra toothbrush/paste in the kitchen and try to be as quiet as possible, just because I am up doesn’t mean anyone else should be and your dh should be doing the same for you

I find it unlikely unless your shower is Niagara falls, could he wake for an other reason?

Nah, wakes our baby up too. Make him do half the get-ups, OP.

Your DH is an arse. Does he do any parenting?

I don't think he is being selfish for wanting to shower before he leaves for the day. Surely if he showered at night that would also wake the toddler. Do you have a white noise machine in their room? IMO you can't live your life tiptoeing around a sleeping child.

Thanks.. I was really starting to question if I was actually just being grumpy now from lack of sleep. He hopefully will return to slightly later starts soon but I really want him to just consider showering evenings for the meantime.

As for the shower not waking toddlers... Ours is just a noisy flippin thing. And the walls are pretty thin in our house

YANBU. As an alternative, a white noise machine in your son's room would block the noise from the shower.

I'll show him this thread so he knows it's not just me being Mrs grumpy

I disagree. I couldn't go to work without a shower and nor could dh.

I'm on the fence. I dont think either of you ABU.
While I totally understand that a toddler getting disturbed is less than ideal, having to get up at 4am is pretty miserable, and personally, a shower would really help.
Are you sure showering at night isnt going to wake the toddler at 9pm instead?

I'm assuming these is no simple solution like toddler bed moving to a different wall (or even room), or a different shower in the house?

If this is the cause of your son waking then he’s being very unreasonable. Can you suggest a trial for a week where he showers the night before? If your DS sleeps through then he agrees to stick with it, if DS still wakes up then you can conclude that the noise isn’t the cause and he can wash whenever likes.

This wouldn't work in our house/with our toddler either, as my son will wake up the second I turn the bathroom light on in the morning, and quite often when I'm tiptoeing out of the bedroom and into the bathroom. It's like he's Daredevil. This is why we both shower the night before, and also because we get to sleep a bit later too. Win-win.

Opening my eyes too loudly woke my DD1 every fucking morning until she was 12, so I can believe that somebody showering could be responsible. Seriously, I never had more than 65 seconds awake in the morning without her (when she wasn't literally peeling my eyelids open because a Sparrow had farted two miles away and woken her up first, that is).

Shower at bedtime.

We have a powershower. Hubby showering wakes me up and my room is two down from the airing cupboard where the power unit is

I dont think he is unreasonable to want a shower. If I had to wake up at 4am, a shower would really help me to wake up and feel more human.
Could you put a white noise machine in your son's bedroom to drown out the noise of the shower?
Or move around the bedroom so his bed is further away from the shower?

I read this as neighbour and not DH at first and I was thinking huh how can people think he’s unreasonable!

Yanbu.

YANBU, but I understand as I'm a need to shower in the morning person too. I don't shower until 7am as it would wake DS age 3 up.