Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

[Surfskatefamily]

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

People saying they couldn't go to work without a shower. You could. You would if you had to. You would find it unpleasant, which is not the same thing.

My husband gets up at 4 for work. He has his clothes downstairs and tip toes around. He has a bath/shower at night and does the usual face/teeth wash downstairs. He wouldn't dream of showering before work as our shower room is next door to our daughter. But then again we have always shared childcare and getting up and after years of our eldest getting up at 5 he knows how shitty it is to wake up when youre not ready.

Mumsnet. Where showering before work is unreasonable.

I have to work with a colleague who thinks it’s okay to shower in the evening and not in the morning, she stinks and thinks her perfume and roll on cover the smell, it really doesn’t.

The only time I leave the house without showering is when I head to the gym.

Banning anything that wakes a child isn’t at all practical, children do need to become used to noise while they sleep, otherwise talking, TV, washing your hands etc will all become banned activities. It’s basic sleep hygiene for children to get used to noise.

@Cheeserton next it will be if you have a poo at 2am, you shouldn't pull the flush. Well that's been me unreasonable this morning then.

I can't believe he did it again!

When is his day off? Because I'd be showering at 4am and fucking off somewhere so he can deal with DC. Every single time.

I have the menopause and no way could go to work without a shower but is he hot and sweaty in the mornings or ok?

There are ways to wash if you're sweaty. Bowl of water in kitchen for example. I used to say "Oh I could never go to work on 1 hour's sleep/without blow drying/ without having time to do my make up/with a splodge of something on my shirt". Those are all things I've had to do as a part of looking after my toddler during those years. Sometimes a child would wake in my precious "getting myself ready" time. You just look after them and scramble yourself ready as best you can.

It is not ideal or optimal and yes, you often go to work feeling tired or not really awake. But you suck it up.

Honestly it is no hardship to wash in a bowl for a couple of months, especially if you have a shower before bed .

Nobody has to go to work all sweaty. Not if you have a kitchen sink.

Honestly it is no hardship to wash in a bowl for a couple of months

Absolutely bonkers.

Absolutely bonkers.

Agreed. How to make your life easier - wash in a bowl before work when you have a perfectly serviceable shower standing by.

Agreed it is bonkers. Lack of sleep is part and parcel of having children (I do have plenty of experience), but washing in a bowl in the kitchen instead of having a shower is bonkers.

When my youngest was a toddler, I very often would have to be out the house at that time if sometimes before. If I was asked to wash in the kitchen, there would have been no way I would do it. I wouldn't be sitting in a car for 4 hours, spending 7 hours in the office around others, not having had a shower.

There are many things that change in life when children come along. This doesn't have to be one of them.

Each to their own though.

Banning anything that wakes a child isn’t at all practical, children do need to become used to noise while they sleep, otherwise talking, TV, washing your hands etc will all become banned activities. It’s basic sleep hygiene for children to get used to noise.

I have 4 kids, raised in the same house with the same amount of noise... first 2, PFB as well, slept through anything. Number 3 wakes up at the drop of a pin. He NEVER got used to noise - he sleeps peacefully when it's silent.

No, all children do not get used to noise, that's utter bollocks.

Oh that’s hard. I’d want a shower at that time to help get up otherwise I’d struggle. A white noise machine might help as a PP suggested. My toddler seems to be more sensitive to light than sound. Could it be the light rather the noise that does it? May be worth trying a shower in the dark or by torchlight if he hasn’t already.

Jeez let the man have a wash. I'm a 5am riser and a night sweater and could never leave the house without a shower.

I think showering helps wake you up when you're working early - I can see why your DH wants one.

I also think it's a good thing to teach your kids to be heavy sleepers. Tiptoeing around just creates a rod for your own back later on.

I have a 6yo who will sleep through ANYTHING until roughly 4am. In the evening, I can hoover his room and he won’t even stir. In the morning, he’ll be up if he hears us up and he is ready to start the day. If asked, he will play quietly in his room or read in his bed but that’s not the point. He will be absolutely knackered probably from lunchtime onwards and it’s just not worth it. If one of us needs to leave early, we do a proper ninja exit. Clothes and other essentials are downstairs, shower is done the night before or if really needed again - at work.
I know it’s shocking on MN to let your child rule your life like that but there is nothing I can do and I really don’t want him constantly sleep deprived. And don’t get me wrong, I HATE not showering in the morning.

In my opinion, YANBU.

Make him sleep in the shed and take a bucket of water and an old sponge in with him for the morning... selfish arse.

Or LTB.

You can't teach them to be heavy sleepers
Their sleep improves over a few months.

can't get over the selfishness of people not wanting to be inconvenienced so their child can sleep.

How about introducing a white noise machine to mask the sound?

We use this for dd as our neighbours dog barks at random hours and wakes her up.

I have 5 kids, including a boy who has Down Syndrome.
As we have a noisy active house, with no chance for quiet moments, we embraced this years ago, and nowadays all my kids can sleep in almost any noise, avoiding the need to tiptoe around the house.
The only issue is if it is quiet, which is rare.
This also follows through to learning to concentrate in a noisy environment, so they can do their homework or read with other stuff going on.
Beleive me, trying to be quiet only creates problems in the future, as couple of days of pain will give you a lifetime of benefits!

YANBU. My DH works a 6am start shift every other week and used to shower in the mornings and I had the exact same issue, as my DS3 (3) and DS2 (7) would wake and be full of the joys at 5:30am and then awful at the other end of the day. After dropping many a hint I just made it clear it was disturbing them and he needs to shower at night. It’s not just the noise of water it’s all the doors opening and closing and walking around etc. Now he gets up and dressed and brushes teeth etc downstairs. All 3 kids sleep until 7am. Happy mummy! 😆That hour and half makes a huge difference to how they are at the end of the day. Sometimes as parents we do need tic adapt around the kids for our own sanity!

Also...once asleep at night they do sleep through any noise and are really good sleepers fortunately. Just that time of the morning when they are in a light sleep phase, they will wake. I’m sure they’ll grow out of it at some point as my eldest (10) seems to have almost reached that ‘I don’t want to get out of bed phase’, which is a pain for other reasons 😆

These unreasonable people getting up early and washing in order to go to work and a)earn an income to support thier family and b) not stink out thier colleagues. How dare they. Yabu.

It depends - my DH sweats at night -A LOT!
I never expected him to go to wok without a shower with any of our 4 DC and he’s always worked nights so over the years has showered all different times between midnight and 6am.