Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

[Surfskatefamily]

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

I used to have to be up at 4am for work on days I was travelling, I needed a shower to get me going. I'm sure he isn't doing it just to be an arse, but not sure what the solution is.

Yanbu.

Dp gets up for work at 4am 2 mornings a week. He had been disrupting the baby with his alarm which he was snoozing, then going around the bedroom looking for things and getting dressed. He would then leave for work and I was left with the baby wide awake so I feel your pain.
He changed his ways now and your dh needs to stop being so selfish and do the same

We shower before getting into bed.

My eldest daughter sleeps like a log until around 4am then it's hit and miss whether noise (eg toddler crying) will wake her up.

Our toddler wakes when we creep past her room for something! She is a ridiculously light sleeper. We do find white noise helps and put it on if we know we're going to have visitors. It works so well we use it ourselves now if we want a nap in the day.

I would try that first as it's a pretty easy solution. Also kids do go through various periods of waking up at this age eg developmental leaps, or when their imagination improves, they become scared of the dark etc (ours became scared of fairy stories she used to like, as she couldn't distinguish between stories and reality) so the frequent waking could be unrelated.

If white noise and a bit of time don't sort it out then I think he needs to change his showering habits. What is more important- his wish to shower in the morning rather than night, or your toddlers need for a good night sleep?

I dont think he is unreasonable to want a shower. If I had to wake up at 4am, a shower would really help me to wake up and feel more human.

I'm up at five. I don't shower because it would wake my baby. Yes, it would help me feel more alive, but my baby needs her sleep and that trumps my comfort.

@wondertweek and @mitzik sounds about right... Toddlers are so keen to wake they'd make great security alarms.

It's a shame we only have 1 shower and our 2bedrooms are on either side of the tiny bathroom that it's in. So both hear it. Toddlers bed is at opposite wall.

I wouldn't mind but we used to work opposite shifts before child and I'd tiptoe around for hours avoiding doing stuff not to wake him. I shouldve just bashed pans about in the kitchen and stomped about.

I couldn't leave for work without showering in the morning, sorry. But at the same time I have a very light sleeping baby who this would wake up every time so I understand your dilemma.

DS1 on the other hand is a deep sleeper (nothing wakes him) so we actually swapped their bedrooms over for a similar reason so DS2 is further from the bathroom and disturbed less when we need to use bathroom early morning or late evening.

We both shower the night before. I hate it, much prefer to have my shower in the morning. Thing is, I love sleep more. It’s hard enough looking after toddlers, but so much worse when you’ve both had broken sleep.
He should suck it up until his start time improves.

What time would he have to shower of an evening, I'm assuming before your toddler went to bed?

I think the white noise machine is a good idea to try.

Failing that, yep he has to stop showering in the morning and give your son a bit more sleep.

YANBU my toddler wakes when my DP runs a bath early in the morning before work (we dont yet have a shower) it does my head in, because then it's me who has to deal with a cranky 2 year old (I'm on mat leave). We recently had a friend staying and I actually had to ask her to be quiet because she was getting up really early and making a noise on our stairs. Our toddler (and me - I'm a light sleeper) were woken constantly. Does my head in. So yeah, your dh should shower the night before.

My DH was getting up at 4am for work this summer. He didn't even flush the toilet for fear of waking DS! Having a shower is not on if it's waking the toddler.

Yabu...your toddler needs to accept the noise as a normal thing and settle back down. I am well aware that’s easier said than done but I think your dh should be able to shower when it suits him.

Why don’t you trial white noise (you can get a free app, put a shower noise on it so hopefully the real shower will just blend in!)? Trial that for a week or so, with the agreement if it doesn’t work he has to shower at night.

When my husband is on earlies he not even allowed to turn the bathroom light on while he’s getting ready because the light switch wakes the 3 year old up, and I make him spray his deodorant downstairs because breathing it in wakes me up 😂

Not ideal but I couldn't go to work without a shower first .
Whilst most are busy calling him an arsehole presume it wouldn't be his first choice to be up at 4am but the reason he's doing it is to provide for his family .

Poor dh. Let the man shower!! I have to shower got 5am for work. My toddler wakes at 7am and his room is right next to bathroom too. I just don't use the extractor fan and have everything ready as to not make loads of noise. I'm pretty certain the sound of a shower could wake your toddler up!? Surely it's just the same noise as if it's raining outside

My last post should read surely the sound of shower would not wake your toddler. And to add if he's waking several times a night are you quite sure it's definitely the shower?

I’m very jealous of the people whose toddlers are not woken by a shower. My two oldest are woken by anything resembling a noise, and if it’s any time after about 4 they will be up for the whole day. There would be no teaching them to accept the noise and to settle back down, they just can’t go back to sleep.

We had this - DH ended up showering the night before, shaving in the basement & dressing downstairs!!

It's sort of YABU from me. I work an early shift too and would really struggle without my shower to wake up. I've never been a wash at night person so that would totally discombobulate me.

He does need to be considerate and as quiet as possible though. Difficult with a noisy shower I guess!

I got up and showered even when the DC shared a room with us (DH is SAHD) but it didn't always wake them.

I think expressways idea sounds fair - see if toddler still wakes if he doesn't have the morning shower.

Also getting used to noise is part of sleep training.

I could never feel good if I didn't shower before I left the house, and I don't believe your husband is being selfish at all. There are many things that can wake a child but life still does go on and I think it's unreasonable for you to request this. Things like this do matter to some people. For example, a shower the night before does not make me feel fresh and revived for the next morning, especially if I'm working.

Perhaps a white noise machine is what you need to drown out any sounds and suggest a quick shower to cause minimal disturbance.
But overall, I do not think he is being unreasonable at all.

Also getting used to noise is part of sleep training.

Absolutely this.

Showering at night and be wide awake going to bed.

@rwalker Thank you! Honestly, some posters are so awful, a man is always considered the worst even over something like this. There's no need to call him an arsehole and other nasty things.

I'm a morning showered.
Its not just about being clean, it's about feeling fresh and awake and ready to start the day.
I can get that it's annoying for you, but kids have to get used to noise.