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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

308 replies

Surfskatefamily · 09/09/2019 19:41

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

OP posts:
DadCanIHaveAZedgie · 09/09/2019 20:58

Yanbu. DH is often up and out by 5am. He showers the night before. The shower is right next to DSs room. The water wouldn't necessarily wake him but the clunking about and what not would.

He has white noise going all night anyway as we are in a terrace and next doors bathroom is the other side of the wall and that has been known to wake him.

Iggly · 09/09/2019 20:58

Maybe toddler is already in light sleep and any noise would wake him?

Mine would wake because the temp started dropping at about 2am.

BarbedBloom · 09/09/2019 20:58

My DH needs one to wake up and tbh I wouldn't go to work without a shower either. I think it is better to use white noise or get the baby used to sleeping with some noise. Otherwise you may have a nightmare when you stay somewhere else or if there is any noise nearby at some point.

Sparkletastic · 09/09/2019 20:59

How unutterably selfish of him.

AsTheWorldTurns · 09/09/2019 20:59

I couldn't possibly go to work without a shower - the toddler needs to adapt to the noise, painful though that may be.

BarbedBloom · 09/09/2019 21:00

Funnily enough I was thinking of that exact scenario written above. My friends baby's room is beside neighbors bathroom and they shower at 5am every day. Wakes baby up but nothing she can do about it, so is trying white noise

Saddler · 09/09/2019 21:01

I couldn't go to work without a shower after getting up

Clevs · 09/09/2019 21:02

Can he shower at work so he just has to do the bare minimum at home?

I'm in a similar situation. I start work really early and our shower is noisy, along with creaky floorboards etc. and it sometimes wakes my 1 year old. I need my shower in the morning though because it wakes me up. I wouldn't feel clean showering the night before, plus I need to wash my hair to sort my bedhead out. I'm considering just throwing some clothes on, having breakfast and cleaning my teeth then going to work and showering there. It would be a bit of a hassle though as I'd need to keep toiletries and a hairdryer in my locker.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 09/09/2019 21:03

I disagree. I couldn't go to work without a shower and nor could dh.

Was going to post similar. I’m menopausal and frankly it wouldn’t be fair on the rest of the world if I didn’t shower in the morning.

I would try to encourage the toddler to go back to sleep. Extra noise - perhaps a story CD - could be worth a try.

Alternatively could he get in with you? My DC used to when DH was on nights or on call. Not a solution for everyone, but I used to quite like it.

cushioncovers · 09/09/2019 21:03

Oh I remember those days exh would get up for work at around 5am and no matter how quiet he was it would wake our two kids and then they were up for the day. So bloody frustrating and exhausting.

EleanorofCastile · 09/09/2019 21:04

Are the people here who would insist on morning showers currently parents of toddlers or similar aged DC?
Because I have a totally different understanding of this situation now that I am.

YANBU

woodhill · 09/09/2019 21:05

My dh goes to work early and has always showered when mine were little.

Most people like to feel clean in the morning.

OOH it's annoying that your toddler wakes up

ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents · 09/09/2019 21:05

@EleanorofCastile Yes, I am, and I still stand by what I stated. I hope that helps.

WaterSheep · 09/09/2019 21:06

Can he shower at work so he just has to do the bare minimum at home?

I don't think there many jobs where showing at work is an option. Grin

rosewater20 · 09/09/2019 21:07

YABU. Your toddler needs to learn to sleep around basic household noise. It isn't as if your DH is blasting music at 5 am.

To call a grownup an arse for not letting a toddler dictate their lives is uncalled for. He is an adult who does not need to conform his hygiene schedule around a child.

Try a white noise machine.

MrsOnions · 09/09/2019 21:08

Of course people are perfectly capable of going to work without a shower in the morning! You might prefer not to but it’s not essential. It’s just selfish to have the shower if it means your toddler and partner are going to have a shitty day.

flirtygirl · 09/09/2019 21:10

I'm a light sleeper and so was dd1 and 2 but if ignored toddlers will either go back to sleep or amuse themselves. If the bedroom is safe I always went back to sleep or dozing.

None of this getting up with the toddlers I hear on so many threads.

They do learn routine quickly and my routine was to do nothing before 8, 9 or 10 depending on the day.

My ex got up at 4.45 for early shifts and it was a bummer, took years to be able to go back to sleep and I never really did, i just dozed. However my dd2 learnt to go back to sleep.

However your husband needs to shower at night. It's not that much for him to change but will make a huge difference for you and your toddler.

ASeriesOfUnfortunateEvents · 09/09/2019 21:10

@MrsOnions You cannot speak for others. You do not know their circumstances so I would refrain from making such blanket statements like you have done. Sure, you can go ahead and not have one without feeling off or rubbish but that does not mean others will feel the same.

Noise is a part of life and it's better to work with your child around it so that you cause minimal disruption to your own life.

thenightsky · 09/09/2019 21:12

7am is ok for a morning shower. 4am is the middle of the bloody night! YANBU.

tell him to shower before he gets into bed. He's not going to get dirty just sleeping between two sheets FGS.

ALoadOfTwaddle · 09/09/2019 21:12

YABU. Your toddler needs to learn to sleep around basic household noise

That's not how it works. They just wake up. Every day. And then are overtired. All day.

Aridane · 09/09/2019 21:13

I don't think he is being selfish for wanting to shower before he leaves for the day. Surely if he showered at night that would also wake the toddler. Do you have a white noise machine in their room? IMO you can't live your life tiptoeing around a sleeping child.

Agree

Just you and me then, brit?

AsTheWorldTurns · 09/09/2019 21:15

7am is ok for a morning shower. 4am is the middle of the bloody night! YANBU.

Maybe we should spare a thought for the fella going to work in the middle of the bloody night....?

Cantsleeppast3am · 09/09/2019 21:15

I get up for work twice a week at 4.30, take everything I need downstairs and get dressed there.
To all the people who think a shower that early would wake them up, there's a sleeping child, perhaps their need to rest comes before an adults need??? Throw some cold water on your face.

daisydoooo · 09/09/2019 21:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kaytee87 · 09/09/2019 21:17

My DH leaves for work just before 7 and if 3yo DS and I are still sleeping he doesn't even flush the toilet and closes the door as quietly as possible. He also makes sure he gets up as soon as his alarm goes off and silences it immediately.
If he's having a lie in at the weekend then DS and I do something quiet or go out somewhere.
It's common courtesy to not disturb your sleeping family members surely?

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