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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dh showers at 4am disrupting toddler

308 replies

Surfskatefamily · 09/09/2019 19:41

Aibu in asking him to shower the night before instead?

He seems to think I'm unreasonable. However he doesn't see how unsettled this leaves our son all day. He was sleeping through most nights before this. And has gone back to 2 or 3wake ups average and an earlier up time.

The shower is right next to sons bedroom

OP posts:
MerryChristmasHarry · 09/09/2019 21:57

He can get up without a shower: if there was a loud enough noise or sufficient physical sensation, he'd wake up, and if there was enough of an emergency he would. It's a preference. Your toddler's sleep is more important than him getting his ideal morning routine. If it would wake him up showering right before bed, do it as he gets home.

WineGummyBear · 09/09/2019 22:00

YANBU

As toddlers our DC went into a light sleep at that time in the morning. The youngest is just starting to outgrow it now at 3.

It's a long day with a toddler at the best of times. Starting it at 4 is just the pits.

Sami4141 · 09/09/2019 22:04

In your opinion he's being unreasonable but like I said before, because I knew someone would react like this, anyways, toodles

ALoadOfTwaddle · 09/09/2019 22:06

You know, the dismissive 'toodles' diminishes in effectiveness if you keep coming back afterwards.

Also, try as I might, I can't make head nor tail of your last comment.

Whattodowith · 09/09/2019 22:09

YANBU, this would drive me nuts. If I’m being completely honest, I was fucked off enough with DH showering at 7am during the school holidays! I teach so never work them and just wanted to sleep till at least 8.

Showers can be very noisy, I’ve always personally been a bedtime bath type person so never understood the morning shower.

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 09/09/2019 22:10

He is being selfish.

Johnjoeseph · 09/09/2019 22:10

YANBU I made my DH do the same. The shower he was using is at the complete opposite end of the house (bungalow) yet without fail it would wake our 18 month old 😭 she has a white noise machine and everything it's like she has some weird hearing superpower - it's such a pain!

misspiggy19 · 09/09/2019 22:15

No, I think adults come first. Your dh is trying to earn a living and wants to have a shower. I would probably take toddler into my bed and encourage him to go back to sleep.

^So then OP is awake at 4am too. All because her husband wants a poxy shower. His need for a shower shouldn’t trump his toddlers and wife’s need for sleep.

Lyingonthesofainthedark · 09/09/2019 22:25

Your DH is a selfish man, who could choose to shower the night before to help you and your son. He chooses to put himself first.

MyBlueMoonbeam · 09/09/2019 22:29

It's cleaner to have a shower at night anyway, who wants to go into bed unwashed?

This 100%

Tigger001 · 09/09/2019 22:50

I was just laughing with my DH about some comments on this thread, he said the guy probably needs a shower to wake him up properly if hes up for work at 4am (lighthearted)

Nanny0gg · 09/09/2019 23:01

The power shower used to wake me up.

So DH turned off the pump and had a gentle shower in the morning.

I never got used to the noise.

JollyRocker · 09/09/2019 23:42

I feel for you OP. That is annoying! Please PLEASE get a white noise machine! I ordered a tiny one online and it is an absolute godsend with our 3month old who is no longer at that newborn stage of being able to sleep through anything IYSWIM. She now sleeps just fine even through her 5 year old and 2 year old siblings having an argument in the same room that she’s napping in. (Despite my crazy and frantic “be quiet” mum face). It’s amazing - your toddler hopefully will never be woken by a 4am shower again. Good luck x

StoppinBy · 10/09/2019 03:46

YANBU. Our kids (2 and 6) sleep through things at night that they don't in the early hours of the morning too.

If it's disturbing your child then he is being unfair not o simply shower at night.

Mlou32 · 10/09/2019 04:44

I don't think either of you are being unreasonable. But I personally couldn't go to work without a shower. I can't just shower the night before, lie in bed all night then just get up and go to work, I'd feel disgusting. As another poster has said, you can't live your life tiptoeing round a sleeping child.

PhilCornwall1 · 10/09/2019 04:50

I couldn't go to work without a decent shower.

stucknoue · 10/09/2019 04:52

I disagree, I get hot and sweaty at night, and anyway showering helps wake me up. Toddlers sleep through anything so if they are waking it's for other reasons.

AngelsOnHigh · 10/09/2019 04:52

My DS has a shower at 4 am before going to work. His DS is 8 months old and usually wakes up.

It's not the shower waking him up, he has just become accustomed to his papa waking up at this time.

When papa leaves for work, DS snuggles in bed with his DM and they go back to sleep and have another few hours snuggling up together.

DM actually loves this time in the morning. They usually wake up around 8 am.

NewPapaGuinea · 10/09/2019 05:09

The child needs to get used to sleeping through the noise. I have to have a shower in the morning and calling him selfish is unreasonable. Getting up at 4am is bad enough without making him out to be a villain for doing so.

chamenanged · 10/09/2019 06:32

I often wonder when I'm on public transport in the morning, "who are these people who think it's acceptable not to shower in the morning?!" Now I know Grin

Mummyoflittledragon · 10/09/2019 06:32

I am a very light sleeper. My sleep / wake cycle was set by my father getting up and going to work early. Making a lot of noise around children as babies doesn’t dictate what will happen into toddlerhood. I am testament to this as my mother used to make all sorts of noise around me as directed by health professionals.

As for toddlers will resettle if ignored. I despair. This is absolutely not the case. Some will some won’t.

YANBU. Your dh can strip wash downstairs if he’s sweaty or dunk his head in the kitchen sink. That’ll wake him up. Amazingly we all used to manage without morning showers.

LucheroTena · 10/09/2019 06:50

Jeez, poor bugger getting up at 4am and then being denied a shower. This is the result of tiptoeing around babies and toddlers.

Original poster
Surfskatefamily · 10/09/2019 06:53

He read thread...has admitted he probably is wrong to be waking ds up but has showered anyway, woke son up at 4 then buggered off downstairs for a coffee ignoring him. Grrr.

However he said he will see if his manager can put him on the 1hour later starts meaning he will shower at 5 instead. I'm hoping he does that as I can cope with up at 5 if necessary.

All the op about light sleep times... Totally agree same here. I could hoover outside his room till about 10 at night yet anything past 3 waking him and he thinks it time to get up.
Couldn't get him back to sleep at 4 this morning but opened curtains after a bit n let him play in room so I could have 1 more hour in bed.

OP posts:
Sockworkshop · 10/09/2019 06:59

Cant believe the replies about this.
Showering at 4am Hmm
Bet the neighbours are happy.
This smacks of Im awake so everyone will be.
My DH sometimes gets up at 5am for work, showers the night before and has all his stuff downstairs for a quick wash, shave etc.
The fact he knows it wakes your baby and still does is awful

BossAssBitch · 10/09/2019 06:59

I don’t think your DH is unreasonable at all! He is getting up at 4am, that is bad enough, and now he is being denied a shower. I get up at 530am and feel horrible if I don’t have a shower, it wakes me up and makes me feel fresh.

A white noise box would do wonders for your child, I can’t tolerate any noise at night and my DH is a snuffler, I also live rurally so nighttime is often a cacophony of animal noises, we have white noise on all night, every night, I sleep soundly.