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To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

471 replies

loudnoises1 · 17/07/2019 17:43

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

OP posts:
bellinisurge · 17/07/2019 17:46

If it was really hot, I suspect MIL thought it was the best thing to do.
I don't think she was deliberately defying you.
But you know her better than me, obviously.

FrowningFlamingo · 17/07/2019 17:48

I was going to say YABU as this used to be common practice and could have been well-meaning but actually as you’d previously discussed it she shouldn’t have gone against your instructions.

stucknoue · 17/07/2019 17:49

If a baby is exclusively breast fed you are advised to simply feed extra in warm weather but if bottle fed cooled water is fine in hot weather. She is simply doing what she (and I ) were told to do

MauisHouseOnMaui · 17/07/2019 17:49

She probably thought she was doing the right thing giving her some water if it was a hot day, the NHS website states formula fed babies may need water in hot weather (presuming formula fed based on you saying she has to be fed in small doses?). It doesn't sound like she's been lurking on the sidelines, desperately waiting for an opportunity to give your baby water so maybe let it slide this time? If it was solids or sugary drinks or whatever your other red lines are then fair enough but fuming over a few ounces of water on a hot day probably isn't worth the resulting fall out.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/07/2019 17:51

I thought you were just meant to give the odd oz between feeds, not 6 oz at once. I would tell your MIL it made DD unwell so best not to do it again.

jaseyraex · 17/07/2019 17:51

6oz of water?! Bloody hell. A sip would be a non issue but 6oz is a lot. My 11 month old doesn't even drink that in one go. YANBU especially since you'd already asked her not to. I'd definitely have a gentle word with her about it if it's a one off situation, let her know you appreciate she was trying to help but that you'd prefer her to stick with what you tell her to give/not give the baby.

7yo7yo · 17/07/2019 17:51

6oz of water is a lot for a 13 weeker imo.
She knew you didn’t want baby to have water and she’s still given it.
She wouldn’t be looking after the baby again until she could respect my wishes.

icelollycraving · 17/07/2019 17:53

I think she was doing what she thought best to ensure your baby didn’t become dehydrated.

Treaclesweet · 17/07/2019 17:55

If it was me she would not be looking after baby again. That's a lot of water for a small baby.

icelollycraving · 17/07/2019 17:55

I can’t remember how much Ds drank at that age.
If it made your baby unwell then tell her that and move on. I don’t think she did it to be inflammatory.

spottyowls · 17/07/2019 17:56

Did she have EBM on hand to give the baby?

MaryShelley1818 · 17/07/2019 17:56

6oz of water is far too much if she drank it all in one go.
However on a hot day a formula fed baby is fine to be given cool boiled water. Far better than dehydration.

saraclara · 17/07/2019 18:00

She didn't have the option of feeding the baby and getting fluid into her that way. It was hot and she was worried about dehydration.

It was water. You're making it into a drama.

Whatsername7 · 17/07/2019 18:00

It was the advice back in their day. Completely wrong though. BF or FF makes no difference. Extra feeds, yes. Not water though.

Celebelly · 17/07/2019 18:03

Actually the advice is still that formula fed babies can have some cooled boiled water on hot days, not extra feeds. Breastfed babies don't need water though.

'If you're bottle feeding, as well as their usual milk feeds, you can give your baby a little cooled boiled water. If your baby wakes at night, they'll probably want milk. If they have had their usual milk feeds, try cooled boiled water as well'

However 6oz is far too much

BertieBotts · 17/07/2019 18:03

I would chalk it up to a misunderstanding. It is what they were told to do in her generation. Too much though but it's only water, she'll be fine.

Teddybear45 · 17/07/2019 18:03

The current NHS advice is that formula fed babies do need extra hot water in hot water. It’s only breastfed babies that don’t. So your mil did you a huge favour.

BackforGood · 17/07/2019 18:04

6oz sounds a lot, but she did what she thought was best (and what we were advised to do) for a baby who is hot.

Bit annoyed ? YA possibly NBU
"Fuming" ? YA definitely BU

If you are happy to leave your 13 week old, then you have to trust that the person looking after them is experienced enough and sensible enough to do the right thing in the circumstances that present themselves (actually, at any point, not just at 3 months). It might not be what you would do, but it is fine. Remember she loves your little one too, and she managed to bring your partner up to be the man you fell in love with.

TheDandyHighwayman · 17/07/2019 18:04

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saraclara · 17/07/2019 18:05

It was the advice back in their day. Completely wrong though. BF or FF makes no difference. Extra feeds, yes. Not water though.

It's NHS advice NOW, if formula fed.

Teddybear45 · 17/07/2019 18:05

As your baby isn’t feeding properly the need for water is even greater. Both premie nephews had reflux from birth and were given cooled boiled water when they were 1 month old which is when they were able to come home from hospital.

saraclara · 17/07/2019 18:06

What a shame she's fucked her chance of having a relationship with your daughter, because there are no circumstances she should be allowed anywhere near her, the stupid cow



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Whatsername7 · 17/07/2019 18:07

I was advised not to give my ff baby water by my HV. Mind you, she was dropping centiles so that could have been why. I couldn't afford to fill her tummy with water when she was losing weight.

gamerchick · 17/07/2019 18:07

6oz is a bit much but it really depends on whether the baby is bottle or breastfed. Bottle fed babies might need some water on very hot days. Formula doesn't have that thirst quenching foremilk that breastmilk has.

Paramicha · 17/07/2019 18:08

cool boiled water is important for babies in the heat. It's so easy to become dehydrated. I'd have done the same tbh, but my dil wouldn't object to dgd having water.

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