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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be annoyed MIL gave my baby water?

471 replies

loudnoises1 · 17/07/2019 17:43

AIBU to be annoyed here? Or am I still a hormonal mess?

So my 13 week old DD has a very sensitive tummy. Dr has advised us to feed her in small doses etc. She is a super lovely easy baby, rarely cries and sleeps through (most) nights.

A couple of weeks ago on a very hot day, MIL suggested we give DD some water in her bottle as it was so hot. I said no, babies don't need water and with her tummy being so sensitive I'd rather she didn't have anything she wasn't used to.

This past weekend MIL had DD for a few hours while we were at a wedding. When she dropped her back off with us DD was screaming completely inconsolable. Again, a very hot day and MIL had changed her into a vest, sleepsuit and a blanket. I was already a bit annoyed about this so I stripped her off to cool her down and noticed how bloated her stomach was.
I text MIL to ask if DD had been okay throughout the day and her response was 'I think she was a bit too hot but I gave her a 6oz bottle of water so she'll be fine'

DD was fine (after a couple of bumsplosions) of course but AIBU to be fuming that MIL did this or do I need to ignore it. I'm mostly annoyed that she did something I specifically said not to do. It's just some water this time but what will it be next time, feeding her solids? Giving her sugary drinks?

OP posts:

AppropriateAdult · 17/07/2019 18:08

Feeding a small baby large amounts of water can be very dangerous, they can develop hyponatremia (low sodium levels) which is potentially extremely serious. It sounds like she was just worried about dehydration rather than trying to undermine you, but I would be having a very specific conversation as to why it's dangerous before letting her look after the baby again.

FlashingLights101 · 17/07/2019 18:09

What a shame she's fucked her chance of having a relationship with your daughter, because there are no circumstances she should be allowed anywhere near her, the stupid cow.

That's ridiculously melodramatic!

LookAtThatRedSheep · 17/07/2019 18:09

I actually had this conversation with my hv today - my 4th baby is 8 weeks old and she is the first one of mine to be ff (can’t bf due to my medication) and the hv said they can have up to 30mls of cooled boiled water up to 6 times a day when it’s warm

SnuggyBuggy · 17/07/2019 18:09

Was the advice ever 6oz though? Also does being a grandparent render someone incapable of looking up relevant guidelines so that they are actually doing what's best?

Whatsername7 · 17/07/2019 18:10

The advice is 'you can give' not 'you need to give'. I only ff one baby after I had lactation failure so my experience is limited, but I never needed to give water. I FF on demand so gave formula whenever she cried for it.

MrsGrannyWeatherwax · 17/07/2019 18:11

I’d be annoyed about ignoring something you’d repeated about the care of your baby but I’d understand some people think they know best. Which is infuriating.... An oz of cooled boiled water is advised if ff in hot weather.

I’d send her a link to the updated information and avoid asking her to babysit for a while, but tell her why if she asked. I wouldn’t tell her baby was ill as a result as baby’s of all ages can have explosive nappies.

Soubriquet · 17/07/2019 18:11

As said, cooled boiled water is important on a hot day for babies if FF

However not 6oz.

Ginnymweasley · 17/07/2019 18:12

It's a lot all in one go but then again your baby drank it.... which does imply some kind of thirst/hunger
Formula fed babies can drink water as long as it has been boiled and cooled.
I imagine she was worried about her dehydrating cause it was too hot. I would chalk it up to a misunderstanding at this point and just mention that too much water made her tummy upset.

IsAStormApporaching · 17/07/2019 18:12

That is far too much water for your dd.
Also at that age it should be cooled boiled water. I would worry it was not boiled and just regular water.
And your right this time it's water but what will it be next time.
It's a shame trust has been damaged.

MauisHouseOnMaui · 17/07/2019 18:12

30mls up to six times a day is roughly 7oz so 6oz over the day is fine.

saraclara · 17/07/2019 18:14

Feeding a small baby large amounts of water can be very dangerous, they can develop hyponatremia (low sodium levels) which is potentially extremely serious.

Theoretically maybe. But for decades (if not centuries) babies were given water between feeds and didn't get hyponatremia.

It's absolutely right to try and do best by your baby on current advice about water, but over dramatising the 'dangers' of doing otherwise is just OTT.

Noroof · 17/07/2019 18:14

Not her choice to give it but it's water. Water did not upset your baby. Formula has water. Beast milk has water.
The reason water is not encouraged is because it has zero calories so you don't want them being filled up on that and not having a feed.

Thesearmsofmine · 17/07/2019 18:16

6oz is a large amount for a small baby no wonder she had a poorly tummy.

At 13 weeks I am guessing she is feeding often so really didn’t need any extra water particularly as you had discussed it with her. A sip or two I could forgive but 6oz is ridiculous.

justasking111 · 17/07/2019 18:16

The OP was not present to breastfeed though because she was at a wedding, not sure what the MIL was supposed to do in her absence.

TabbyMumz · 17/07/2019 18:16

I think she was right to give her water. She was responsible for a baby on a hot day. Water would not give a baby tummy ache.

NoParticularPattern · 17/07/2019 18:17

There are a couple of things about this that aren’t ok, regardless of what the advice is (or was!). First that you’d already discussed it and said no. Unless she has the worst memory of all time what’s her excuse for “forgetting” that conversation?! Second- 6oz in one go is a MASSIVE amount of water for a small baby. Actually my daughter is 17 months and only drinks water now and I don’t think even she would drink 6oz all in one go. If this had been a super hot day, a small sip and you’d not already had the conversation then I’d say YABU. But since it was neither a small sip not had to not already discussed it then she is BU. Small sips for FF babies are ok in hot weather, but they aren’t an absolute essential. Most people I know just offer more formula. And probably not even 6oz at a time of that.

TabbyMumz · 17/07/2019 18:18

Not sure why people are saying 6 oz is too much. If the baby wasnt thirsty, she wouldn't drink it. Plus mine were on about 6 oz at 3 months.

AllFourOfThem · 17/07/2019 18:20

I’d be annoyed she had gone against what you had said, although I think FF babies should be given water in the heat. If she gave 6oz in one go, then that is a lot although I disagree it is a dangerous amount. Some 13 week babies will have 6oz of milk so it is the same content and the sodium levels after that amount of water won’t be dangerously impacted at all.

Weirdpenguin · 17/07/2019 18:22

She probably didn't give the water in one go but over the course of the day. I would say that you are over reacting. If you are very particular about how you want things done best not to leave your baby until she is much older. The person saying your MIL has fucked up her chance to have a relationship with her grandchild is totally unreasonable.

SnuggyBuggy · 17/07/2019 18:22

Wouldn't babies that age instinctively drink fluid from a bottle? It's different to giving a toddler a cup of water.

dementedpixie · 17/07/2019 18:23

6oz is too much at once. Too much water in a small baby can lead to water intoxication. A few sips is fine, a full bottle is not

Freddiefox · 17/07/2019 18:24

What a shame she's fucked her chance of having a relationship with your daughter, because there are no circumstances she should be allowed anywhere near her, the stupid cow.

What a complete over reaction.

mum11970 · 17/07/2019 18:25

Never come across a baby who would drink unless they were thirsty.

TabbyMumz · 17/07/2019 18:29

How is 6 oz too much. Most one month olds are on 3 to 4 oz per feeding, and this increases by about an oz per month up to 8 oz, so at 3 months, 6 oz of liquid is pretty normal.

Paramicha · 17/07/2019 18:29

What a shame she's fucked her chance of having a relationship with your daughter, because there are no circumstances she should be allowed anywhere near her, the stupid cow.

Really? over a bit of water woah, I appreciate my dil's, I must call and tell them.
I worry about over reactions like this and feel so sorry for the poor dh with wives like this.

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