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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
VforVienetta · 25/06/2019 00:23

WTF? That's bizarre.

JustGettingStarted · 25/06/2019 00:24

YANBU

But, that's easy to say when it's not my family.

honeygirlz · 25/06/2019 00:24
Shock

YANBU

Don’t you dare give them a penny OP!

MakeItRain · 25/06/2019 00:25

No, you're not unreasonable. It was a gift, so I'd keep it. That must be really stressful for you Flowers

IsabellaLinton · 25/06/2019 00:25

How can they do such a terrible thing to you? A summer home is more important to them than your permanent home? Confused

themueslicamel · 25/06/2019 00:26

Tell them a straight no, they gifted you the money and you have built your financial position on it

As long as they definitely gifted it with no expectation of the money being returned then they can do one.

Serenity45 · 25/06/2019 00:27

YANBU it was a gift and you have used it! If it was for something urgent or lifesaving may be a different matter, but a holiday home Hmm

What have you said to them? Do you have evidence that it was a gift rather than a loan?

Rowennaravenclaw · 25/06/2019 00:27

Wow that is crazy!! YANBU.

Badmgr · 25/06/2019 00:28

No way. They’d rather buy a second home and let you lose the stability of owning your own home?! That’s a bizarre decision!

If they’re happy to help you with rent, and your brother is happy to return his £100k, let them use that £100k towards their holiday home purchase and they can mortgage the rest and they can pay their own small mortgage instead of paying your rent!

BinkyBaa · 25/06/2019 00:28

Yanbu, bizarre that a parent would think it okay to ask their child to sell their home and hand over the money.

Expressedways · 25/06/2019 00:28

WTAF they seriously want to see their child sell their house because they’ve now decided they want a holiday home?! How callous, I’m so sorry they’re treating you like this. It sounds like the money was given as a gift and not a loan, so I’d tell them no, not happening. It’ll probably ruin your relationship with them, but that likely already happened when they decided a holiday home was worth more than their daughter in the first place. Again, I’m really sorry Sad

Birdie6 · 25/06/2019 00:30

Now I've heard everything. Tell them NO. They gave you a gift ! You don't get gifts back when it suits you - what a hide they've got.

Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:30

Yes it is really stressful. I don’t want to fall out with my family but it’s going that way.

DB is making me look bad because he immediately agreed to give it to them. But that’s because he’s in a position to be able to.

Parents downsized 10 years ago which is how they had the money to gift us in the first place.

I feel terrible because I want them to have a holiday home where they can spend time in the sun and have a nice life in old age. But I would have to make a lot of sacrifices for that to happen.

They are saying they’ll give me rent money if I need it as they’ll be renting out their UK home whilst they’re in their holiday home. But I don’t want to feel so dependent on them. I don’t have earn a lot of money but I earn enough to keep my head above water. The idea of asking them for handouts is not something I even want to entertain.

OP posts:
transformandriseup · 25/06/2019 00:32

“If they’re happy to help you with rent, and your brother is happy to return his £100k, let them use that £100k towards their holiday home purchase and they can mortgage the rest and they can pay their own small mortgage instead of paying your rent!”

Exactly this!! I’m not sure why they can’t see that Confused

EAIOU · 25/06/2019 00:32

A straight no would suffice.

They cannot ask for a "gift" back. You have put the gift to use. The gift is non returnable or refundable.

I cannot believe you're in this situation. What does DB say about it all?

EileenAlanna · 25/06/2019 00:32

They don't have £200k to buy a holiday home - they gave it away. They didn't loan it to you & if they never had any intention of you having it permanently then they should've made that crystal clear at the outset. If your DB has enough maybe he can give them the whole amount but you just aren't in a position to. They're beyond unreasonable to even suggest it.

PicnicAtHangingRock · 25/06/2019 00:34

Are you my sibling? This is straight out of my family play-book!

Seriously though, it will be hard but I would say tough it out and don’t give it back. They are being very, very unreasonable.

koolaider · 25/06/2019 00:34

Good grief Shock

This is incredible. Say no, OP

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 25/06/2019 00:36

Seriously OP some things are worth falling out over, that money is yours not theirs, they are happy to turf you out of your home, they are not nice people, tell them to do one.

Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:36

“If they’re happy to help you with rent, and your brother is happy to return his £100k, let them use that £100k towards their holiday home purchase and they can mortgage the rest and they can pay their own small mortgage instead of paying your rent!”

Unfortunately they can’t get the necessary mortgage due to their age and the fact they’re both retired.

They’re saying that I’ll get the money in the end anyway when they die so I would be able to buy my own home then. I hate it when they say that. It makes me feel really awful.

OP posts:
dragonway · 25/06/2019 00:38

Blimey. They are being totally unreasonable! No don’t give it back! That’s really not fair. You don’t want to start renting! That’s throwing money down the drain. Why can’t they just buy a holiday home with the 100k your brother gives them? Or they could get the full amount from your brother and they have a will that when they die the holiday home goes to him? Selling will cost money too! Legal fees etc. Where’s that all coming from. What a strange thing for them to ask. I’ve never heard of old people demanding inheritance back! There might even be a tax implication so definitely don’t do it.

FurFoxSake1 · 25/06/2019 00:38

You simply say, 'I do not have £100k to give you.'

GlamGiraffe · 25/06/2019 00:39

That is totally bizarre. What they gave you was a gift and cannot be classed as inheritance ( even though the were trying to bypass some of the inheritance tax laws) what value property do the currently own I the UK? Would they themselves not downsize if they desperately want a second home. Is this intended yo be a home for say 50% of the year or a property the use occasionally and mainly rent out? Do they have any money you are aware of? I find it strange they would give away every penny they have leaving no money to live on initially. Where are they intend g to buy as regulations with passing on property are very different overseas property doesn't always belong to next of kin on death of owners
Inheritance as such can only be classified as such once the donor(s) are deceased
It is unreasonable for them yo demand your home when they have enabled ypur position. And you need yo explain the consequences, financially, morally, pschologicall trust wise and the damage it has done to your relationship. If this was even a possibility they should have thought a little more sensibly..
If your brother is happy to give them money then tjats up yo him but I do think tjey need too understand it is great betrayal of trust and security. It might make them realise these are BU but they sound like they're on a mission.
Rember it was a gift not inheritance as they are still alive!!!!

Rowennaravenclaw · 25/06/2019 00:40

They've put you in an incredibly difficult situation I really feel for you OP. It's like they see you as a bank where they can deposit their money and then withdraw it again at will!
Can't they buy a small property outright with the 100K from your brother and presumably the other savings they have?

HPLikecraft · 25/06/2019 00:41

Tell them to fuck off 🤷🏻‍♀️

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