Parents want inheritance back

[NeededtoNC]

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

Is this another bad investment?

Whatever you do, they have effectively spoilt their relationship with you. If you did sell up, you’d feel resentful, and if you don’t you’ll feel guilty and from that will come resentment. I’d live with the guilt personally as I would never underestimate the importance of a stable and secure roof over my head and how that impacts on all other aspects of my life. They’ve let you down as parents by putting themselves in that position. I’m speaking as someone who’s given a substantial amount to my dd for a house and not a week goes by when my happiness isn’t enriched by seeing her, her husband and the dgc benefit from where they live and the enhanced quality of their life together. I couldn’t afford a holiday home either now but I’ve got my own mortgage free house, a good pension income and sufficient savings. My family’s housing security is worth any number of holiday homes.

YANBU. I am amazed this is even being suggested. WTF!!!! OP, this is your home, the roof over your head. They want to take your home off you, to buy you a second home. It's so cruel.

You don't give someone a gift and then ask for it back and claim it's yours. Even small children know this. What are they playing at?

I don't see how your relationship with them can recover from this, whatever you decide. So sorry OP. It's not your fault.

"I'm sorry but I don't have £100,000 to give you and I can't sell my home right now".

OP, you do understand that this is utterly insane and cruel behaviour on their behalf? It's honestly disgusting that they would expect you to sell your home. Whatever you decide to do, please just take on board how awful your parents are being right now.

I'm not sure I'd want anything to do with them after they'd asked me this.

DB doesn’t have much to do with me. I think he thinks I’m beneath him and his important life in his important job. I don’t think he’s even thought about my position in this at all.

He's your brother. I think you have to have a conversation with him and explain how badly it would affect your life. Perhaps, if he's seriously rich, he could advance the money to your parents with that amount being deducted from your share of the future inheritance your parents talk about.

No no no, as a gift I imagine there is no agreement to pay back so don't do it.
Only odd get out I can think is £100,000 mortgage is about £500 a month extra. So if you really felt you should pay it back you could theoretically pretend you sold your house to a landlord and need £500 a month rent... hell in the southeast I would charge them the going rate! £800? £1200? But something tells me they haven't actually told you how much rent.. so start all enthusiastic and let them know how much a house like yours would cost in rent and then lie about selling it. Good luck they sound like Arses! But then again I am a bitch!

Jeez, no! It was a gift. And probably a stupid one. Giving away that amount of money when you've no idea what old age will bring seems crazy.
But they did it anyway and they are totally unreasonable to ask you to lose your home just so they can get a holiday place.
Say No.

@pickme she can’t lie about selling it, where is she supposed to get the £100K to give her parents if she doesn’t sell?

Absolutely no way give it back. A gift is a gift and a holiday home is a luxury not a necessity. Your relationship with them is damaged now anyway, take the security of having a home. They may will the rest to your brother eventually but so be it, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush. They also may lose the lot (sounds likely TBH) or it may all need to go on care. Decent parents would never ask this of their child.

Tavannach
My brother doesn’t keep in touch, doesn’t want to know me. He grew up pretending he was an only child.

I would simply say 'I am sorry but the money that you gave me as a gift was used to purchase the house, so it was used up some considerable time ago and is no longer available. For obvious reasons, I am not in a position to sell my home, so I am genuinely sorry that I cannot be of any more help with this matter.' (then ignore them)

My brother doesn’t keep in touch, doesn’t want to know me. He grew up pretending he was an only child.

That's really sad.

Is there any way you could play up to his sense of self-importance?
I can see that might not work, so I think you have to put the same proposal to your parents - that it really is impossible for you, and that they ask him to cover your share on the understanding that he will benefit to the tune of £100,000 more in the future. They must surely understand that it is too much of a sacrifice to lose the security of owning your own home. The money was a gift with no strings.

When you took out the mortgage, didn't they have to sign a clause saying that it's a gift, and they do t want it back. My parents have had too with some money they gave me.
I can't believe they would put their holiday home over your own home. That is utterly bizarre behaviour!

Don't give up your security for their luxury! They can buy a bloody holiday home for really cheap somewhere like Spain, Italy, France... Even beautiful hot Asian countries! They don't need that money! They're being absolutely horrific asking for it back. Do NOT give it to them - I'm shocked that they'd even be so awful as to ask.

Ps YANBU

They are being beyond unreasonable. Give them nothing. It was a gift. You have used it sensibly and it is tied up now in your home.

Tell them that you refuse to sell the roof over your head so that they can have an unnecessary second home.

This might be one of those situations where going no contact would be justified.

I presume they gifted you the money originally with no strngs attached
So for example if they needed to pay for care in old age, they had gifted lots of money away

You are not obliged to give them any money back
Tell them that they gave the money away & there is no going back
They really should have thought of the consequences of their actions

If they want holidays in the sun, then they can pay to rent or hotel (the same as other people do)

The property is legally yours, so they cannot demand anything !

If they were asking for financial help because they were destitute, then I might think differently, but because it's for a ''summer home'' and they have their permanent base, I feel it's unreasonable for them to expect you to sell your home to fund this.

An option they could consider is using what they have, plus the Brother's 100k, and buying a property that can be let out (professionally managed) when they are not in residence. This would support a mortgage application for the balance they require.

Have they said they regret gifting you both the earlier money?

They do not need £200k for a holiday home, where are they planning on buying or is it another dodgy business scheme?
Tell them absolutely no, selfish nasty fuckers.

You don’t have the money to give them. You would if you could but you can’t.

Nationwide sent me an email recently about specialist mortgages/lending products for older customers. Maybe that could help.

Or, they could sell their UK home, use that money to buy outright abroad and use the money they’ve earmarked for paying your rent to pay rent themselves on a UK base.

Could DB give them the money and have their will written up to state he gets it back.

He has already agreed to give them back his share

Since you aren’t in touch with him, did your DPs tell you this? Because it may well not be true, or not the whole truth.

DBro and I have very different attitudes to DM’s cash-gifts-with-strings - he takes the money and then rails against her boundary overstepping, whereas I won’t accept anything from her at all. He would say that is because I am better off and don’t need to accept it, but actually I would live on dry bread before I’d be financially indebted to her.

IF your DBro has given them the money back (and he probably hasn’t), it doesn’t mean he thinks they are reasonable for requesting it, or that he thinks you should make yourself homeless to fund their holiday villa. He could well be seething about this as well.

Do not do this under any circumstances. As for the suggestion that they will give it you back at a later point, there’s no guarantee their summer home will retain its value. My PILs lost hundreds of thousands this way. Sadly your parents also sound like they can’t be trusted with money.

My parents gave me 30k to help buy my home a year ago. The year prior to that I paid a lot of bills for them totalling around 10k because they were struggling. When their position changed and suddenly they were mortgage free with cash in the bank they wanted to give a gift as a thank you as they knew I’d put myself under a bit of financial strain to help them out. My point is, we’re a family that are used to moving money between us, but I know that they would never ask for the 30k back. That is gone. I live in it. It’s terrible that your parents think it reasonable to make you homeless and under no circumstances would I consider it for a holiday home. When I bought my house the mortgage company needed a letter from them saying the 30k was a gift and they wouldn’t ask for it back, hopefully you have something similar knocking about?