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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
mrssillysausage · 21/09/2019 07:48

Wow!! What exactly went on when they gifted it to you? Did they expect you wouldn't spend it?

mrssillysausage · 21/09/2019 07:49

Either way, a gift is just that!

LaBelleSauvage · 21/09/2019 07:55

Say of course you will

But tell them before you can you need to get back every christmas and birthday gift you have given over the last 30 years. But you need them new and in pristine condition because you want to return them. And could they also return any ingredients they consumed from meals you prepared for them in that time? And remember that time you all went out to dinner and you offered to pay? Can you take that back now as now it seems that your finances have changed.

PEkithelp · 21/09/2019 07:59

What are your parents normally like, is this out of the ordinary?
It seems so extreme that it makes me wonder if one or both of them is medically unwell.
If they needed it for their actual home because of some disaster I could sort of understand them asking but this is so so strange.

WombatChocolate · 21/09/2019 08:54

This is very odd and seems unusual in most family relationships.

Do you have a history of them making bizarre and unreasonable requests?

Clearly conversations need to be had with them and your brother too. This is. It simply a case of saying yes or no, but digging into the issues and also the reasons why this request is unreasonable.

It doesn't matter what your brother says - the whole thing about him making you look bad is irrelevant. This is about your home and protecting that comes first.

So you need to speak with your parents. You need to make clear that you bought your home for your family using their gift on the basis this was a genuine and permanant gift...otherwise you would not have bought it. A gift is a gift (this shows why some legal paperwork signed to make clear it is an unreturnable gift is a very good idea) and cannot be requested back. You can say you think they misunderstand the nature of a gift and it being unreturnable (of course very clear conversations about this should have happened at the time-did they? If not, doesn't change situation but you were foolish not to have these and also the legal paperwork). Finally,min would be quite clear that seeking your house is just not an option and you won't be doing it . You are not prepared to jeopardise your family to give them something which is now rightfully Yours. When gifting they should have carefully planned their future financial needs.

To be honest the fact they want the cash for a holiday home is rather irrelevant. If they wanted it to buy their main home or for something else you can say no, because it is yours. The fact they want it for a holiday home simply makes the request more outrageous.

I too wonder if they are ill or being coerced by someone to get money from you, because it seems such a bizarre request. Unless both you and they and you are totally naive and non-savvy about money and did not have any discussions about if the gift was affordable for them and about its permanant nature, but instead it was ambiguous and given more as a loan than a gift, I cannot see why they would ask this if in their right minds.

So, is there an issue about their mental state or coercion from someone else
OR
Were the conversations at the time of the gift ambiguous and unclear so that not everyone had the same understanding and saw the money as permanant and non returnable?

One of these 2 seems to be the explanation.

360eyes · 21/09/2019 08:59

Do you have kids? If yes they are happy to turf them out of their family home so they can go abroad. Bonkers and pretty selfish. Why did they gift you the money if they may have wanted it back at some point?

What is the obsession with owning a holiday home? Why dont they take the brothers 100k and see the world instead?

Say no and hopefully they might come to their senses.

womenspeakout · 21/09/2019 09:08

They can't expect it back, it's money you've spent and who has 100K lying around.

It would be different if they gave it to you as a loan and you knew you'd have to pay it back overtime. There's no way they can expect 100K right away for a holiday home, it could cost you your own home.

They seem quite selfish to do something like this all of a sudden, especially after such generosity years before.

Just tell them you don't have it now.

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 21/09/2019 09:28

You are being unreasonable. In ten years you should have made a considerable return on £100k and more than doubled it. Where has it gone. There is a parable about this behaviour. It raises other questions. If you have children will you gift them £100k each.

We have never been given anything we had to work ourselves for everything we now have.

You should never give money to your children as it often results in them coming back for more and being economically dependent on you.

Give them the money back. Get a second job.

BottleCrow · 21/09/2019 09:32

Lol, no, of course you shouldn't give the money back!

ghostofharrenhal · 21/09/2019 09:41

Hums tune to Zombie...

mellicauli · 21/09/2019 09:43

You may also want to consider the tax position. I am not an expert but I think they can make a tax free inheritance gift to you if is irreversible gift. But reversing it would make the gift taxable. So you might pay 25% or whatever your tax band is for the gift to you and they would have pay (say) 25% if you gifted it back to them. So they might be just chucking £50k away. Definitely get some advice. This could be your way out of this stupid situation.

JingsMahBucket · 21/09/2019 12:19

Are some of you people thick? This is a zombie thread from a while ago and all the points you’re posting about have already been discussed in the other previous 800 posts. WTF. RTFT or at least the dates.

WombatChocolate · 21/09/2019 13:15

Jings - and are you just extremely rude?

Yes, I replied a few posts ago .......it had popped up in the list of active topics and is still there. I read a couple of pages without seeing the dates, assuming it was current because it was in 'active' - yes, my mistake, but not an issue of being thick I assure you. And I'd imagine the same happened with other people too.

Perhaps it's just on a forum you'd speak as you did and not in real life, but a little politeness doesn't usually go amiss.

JingsMahBucket · 21/09/2019 14:56

@WombatChocolate nope I’m not rude but you (general you) would have to be pretty thick to post on an 800-post thread and think what you said was original at that point.

GiBlues · 21/09/2019 14:57

Damn it I read the whole thread and because I thought the OP had been back to update!

Bellatrix14 · 21/09/2019 15:10

@darkcloudsandrainstorms it’s gone towards buying a house, that’s where it’s gone? And the OP hasn’t asked for any more money, her parents have asked for it back, despite claiming it was a gift. I don’t know if you are in the habit of demanding gifts back years later, but I’m certainly not.

And well done for doing everything on your own. Congratulations. However if this was 20 or 30 years ago that is really not comparable to now, if you compare house prices and wages...

WombatChocolate · 21/09/2019 15:10

Oh well, perhaps it's just me who thinks referring to people who express a thought on an open public forum or in real life as 'thick' is a rude expression.

The reality is that on long threads which get resurrected and seemingly become live again, you will always get people posting. People don't always read 800 posts or notice the date has changed.....I expect you've seen it before, as I have. It is one of those things which happen.

I often disagree with people on MN and perhaps sometimes in real life too. I always think that keeping a civil tongue helps in adult conversation, but I guess the way we interpret rude just differs rather.

Hey ho! Have a good day.

dowehaveastalker · 21/09/2019 15:47

Yikes. No need to call people ‘ thick ’ - it’s a but rude......

Crunchymum · 21/09/2019 17:48

@MrsGeneGenie

At least namecheck the OP so she gets notification? And if she so wants to she can post or not.

Otherwise you really are pissing in the wind

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 22/09/2019 01:27

So what you are all saying us that your parents should give you money to buy a house because they had it easy.

Fast forward this logic. When your kids need a house they will require twice as much because it’s even more difficult and you have set a precedent and they are going to find out that your parents helped you.

Where are you going to find the money. Your inheritance has gone.

darkcloudsandrainstorms · 22/09/2019 01:52

@JingsMahBucket

Rude people lead a very unhappy life due to their intolerance of the human race. Be gentle with them.

MrsGeneGenie · 31/10/2019 12:04

Careful I mentioned the op giving an update and got “told off” and fare point crunchymum , I’m new to mumsnet, and so far people are helpful like yourself or just downright rude almost as if they want to stir it up. For the most it’s a funny site with hilarious moments in life Smile

slinkysaluki · 31/10/2019 12:09

Totally out of order OP

MillicentMartha · 31/10/2019 12:23

Stop resurrecting this zombie thread!

MinTheMinx · 31/10/2019 12:53

Just because they want a holiday house, it doesn't mean they can have one. They can't afford it.

Your property has got nothing to do with them and hasn't ever had anything to do with them as far as the law stands. It's a shame your brother has gone along with their ridiculous demand but it certainly doesn't mean you have to OP.

Are you sure the money is really needed for a holiday home or could it be that the failed business dropped them in it financially? Big tax bill maybe?