Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil · 25/06/2019 00:41

No way.

It was a gift, whether in lieu of inheritance or not. Would you be able to get another 25 year mortgage ten years down the road? You’ve relied upon this and built upon it!

That’s truly bizarre. They’re not just asking for their gift back, they’re putting you at a significant life disadvantage. How weird and unfair.

llangennith · 25/06/2019 00:42

That's so mean of your parents! You don't give a gift then ask for it back.
I have grown up children and what I give them is non-returnable.
If it causes a falling out then too bad.

Bignicetree · 25/06/2019 00:43

What an odd situation.
But they kind of have a point about you getting it back in the end.

I take it something about their circumstances have changed ?
If they will cover your rent I don’t see the problem.

And you are sorted for holidays!

Could you live in their uk home?

EKGEMS · 25/06/2019 00:43

Tell them you'll mail them a check at half past never on that'll be the day!

Weathergirl1 · 25/06/2019 00:43

The only reason people gift with a view to the 7 year limit is for IHT reasons, which suggests their combined estate is just over 650k after the gifts. I'm struggling to understand why their appetite to avoid IHT has suddenly changed? 🤔

Bibijayne · 25/06/2019 00:43

When they gave if to you, did they write anything stating it was a gift? This is quite usual of they did it to minimise inheritance tax liability. If so, they are relying on your good will.

Simply say no.

YANBU, this is not reasonable.

DramaLlama32 · 25/06/2019 00:43

Why do they have to own a holiday home?surely they could just go on lots of holidays instead and would be cheaper for them

dragonway · 25/06/2019 00:44

*They’re saying that I’ll get the money in the end anyway when they die so I would be able to buy my own home then. I hate it when they say that. It makes me feel really awful”

But you’d then have to pay huge tax on that money that they’d already tried to avoid by giving it to you! What is inheritance tax these days?40%? If you keep your house with the 100k in it, when they die you won’t have to pay tax on that money that’s in your house because you had it more than 7 years ago.

Could they sign over the house they are going to rent out to you? Then you live in that? It makes no sense to be charging other people rent and you paying other people rent...none of it makes sense.

Do you have equity in your current property?

Deadringer · 25/06/2019 00:44

They gave you money and you spent it, it's gone. If you had spent it on holidays and cars it would be long gone, the fact that you put it towards a house doesn't mean you can give it back. It's very weird of them to ask for it back, I wouldn't give it.

SleepWarrior · 25/06/2019 00:44

Do they realise what a big deal this is for you? I'd be inclined to spell that out to them in case they've got so caught up in their plans that they havent considered it from your perspective.

"Wow, that's really big deal that you're asking for and I'm struggling to know what to say to be honest. You realise its not as simple a thing as I move to a different house and you kindly help me out with any extra costs? I go from being a homeowner with some equity and stability to relying on handouts for rent and no idea how or if I might be able to pull myself out of that and buy again. I really do want you to enjoy your retirement and the holiday home sounds like such a lovely idea... but I'm afraid this has floored me..."

Then see what they say back in return. You've not agreed or disagreed so it leaves it open to see what else they have to say without you burning any bridges or signing your house away.

PicnicAtHangingRock · 25/06/2019 00:45

Have they actually spoken to a good mortgage broker? My neighbour is in his mid to late seventies and he recently remortgaged his home. He was recommending the broker to me when I needed to raise some funds.

My point is that age is not always a barrier to borrowing depending on their circumstances besides.

They sound like they could be the kind of people who like to play power games though in which case details like brokers are totally beside the point. I just wanted to point out that borrowing may not be the obstacle they are claiming and could just be part of the guilt trip on you. Surely they can’t be so dim that they don’t know what they are asking. They are selfish and/or on a heartless power trip in which case you shouldn’t feel bad about protecting yourself.

lilredrooster · 25/06/2019 00:46

Why, is the tax man hot on their heels?!

How big do they need a holiday home to be?

In short, NOPE!

HeddaGarbled · 25/06/2019 00:47

You could put it on the market (whilst crying every time the subject is discussed) but not actually sell it. They don’t need to know whether you receive any offers.

Emotionally manipulative and passive aggressive but they deserve it for being so silly.

PicnicAtHangingRock · 25/06/2019 00:47

Next thing you know, once you are dependent on them again you will be picking up all the caring responsibilities.

beyoncessweatband · 25/06/2019 00:48

Are you sure it was a gift and not a loan? Asking for it back sounds like a loan to me. Anyway assuming it was a gift then you're well within your rights to say no and so you should.

Why can't they rent a holiday home? Why do they need to buy it. A holiday home by definition won't be lived in for large stretches of time thus the need to own is unnecessary - especially at the expense of you being homeless

Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:48

They sound like they could be the kind of people who like to play power games

Sadly I think this is exactly right.

OP posts:
Skittlesandbeer · 25/06/2019 00:49

I would publically say ‘It’s ok that you asked for the money back, only wish I was in a position to hand it over, unfortunately I’m not at the moment. Our entire finances have been constructed based on your gift- so not just our home but our retirement, savings plans, schooling plans (etc). We promise to include your request in our future planning strategy, and should our position change (pay off mortgage, get better jobs, etc) of course we’ll return that money.’

Be positive, stick to that script. Don’t be drawn on dates or repayment amounts. Be endlessly cheerful and optimistic that once that much $ frees up, you’ll be thrilled to hand it over. One day. As a gift.

Privately, over my dead body would they ever see a cent of it. You’ll lose out when they eventually leave more to your DB at their deaths, no doubt, but you can prepare for that. In my mind, the money is as firmly ‘used up’ as would be a casserole they gifted you 10 years ago.

To ask for it back is a sign of dementia, control or cheeky fuckery. Whichever it is, it leaves you free to ignore the request and sleep well at night. I’d be wondering what nonsense is coming down the pipeline next from them, they sound like nutters. The money is safer in your hands.

dragonway · 25/06/2019 00:50

Also, do they realise that they can’t just rent out their uk home without a tax implication? You have to pay tax on rental income if it’s over a certain amount. Do they know this? They’ll have to complete an annual tax return etc so also incurring accountants fees...have they actually had independent financial advice before doing any of this? This could end up costing them and you thousands.

Beautiful3 · 25/06/2019 00:51

No you shouldn't give it back. It was a gift. I can't get my head around the fact they want you to be homeless so they can get a second home?!!! It's crazy. Just say sorry I can't. It was a gift and I haven't got it anymore and I'm not making myself homeless. If they become ill and go into a home you won't see the money from the sale of their homes anyway. If they fall out with you then let them. They don't sound like reasonably nice people.

Purpleartichoke · 25/06/2019 00:51

You Made decisions based upon their gift. Important financial decisions that you can’t just take back. I would not sell the house just because they want money. Do not put yourself in a position to need a regular stipend from them as they are clearly not reliable.

PicnicAtHangingRock · 25/06/2019 00:53

I am so sorry you are in this position. It is really awful and you have all my sympathy. Just remind yourself that you are not the bad guy here and in the circumstances you are not being unreasonable. What they are asking is selfish. In short, it’s them. It’s not you!

GlamGiraffe · 25/06/2019 00:53

They're saying you'll get the money back when they did

1.would you rather live happily until then?

2.they could live to 100 years old in a care home with fees spending all the money so you never get a penny.

  1. They might go batty and leave all money and assets yo the oval small farm, dokey sanctuary/ cat centre/ topiary park....something random and NOT YOU.

They can't ask for the gift back. It's not lounging in a bank it's allowing you to have a relatively normal life. Perhaps they are clueless of the most world. Tell them the first bit about relations damage and loss of trust I mentioned earlier then take them on a wake up call outing to show then they way people in your situation live and their circumstances ( obviously don't know what you do & earn etc (but they are probably a million miles away from you I financial awareness. Tell them what you can't afford weekly. What you have to go without etc and how their no ey is a lifeline. House prices will go up and you won't be able to afford again.

Companies I Spain etc have different rules for giving mortgages as an aside.

Oliversmumsarmy · 25/06/2019 00:54

But surely if you and your brother gift the money back then die within 7 years they could end up with a big tax bill

I wouldn’t give it back a gift is a gift.

Why don’t they just rent when going on holiday instead of expecting you to do it permanently

wheelywheelynice · 25/06/2019 00:55

Cheekyfuckery!

BrendasUmbrella · 25/06/2019 00:55

Are you sure it was a gift and not a loan? Asking for it back sounds like a loan to me.

No, it sounds like they want the return of the gift. If you read the thread you'd understand it was a gift. Who would loan £100k to someone to buy a house they otherwise couldn't afford, only to ask them to sell it and go back to square one again a few year later?

Swipe left for the next trending thread