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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
floribunda18 · 25/06/2019 06:25

Absolute twunts. It's your money and they have no legal and certainly no moral right to it.

MyOtherProfile · 25/06/2019 06:26

Was all the paperwork regarding the gift drawn up by a solicitor? Is there anything in the paperwork stating that your parents can ask for the money back if they want it?

This. Do you have anything in writing about the gift?

Andi agree YANBU. Just say no, you spent the gift because it was a gift and you didn't expect to have to pay it back.

C0untDucku1a · 25/06/2019 06:27

Is your db in a position to mortgage a holiday home in his name for them?

You tell them, sadly youre not in a Position to return it as it is tied up in your home.

I wouldnt trust theyd pay the rent they promised either as they are not people who honour a commitment.

thistleseverywhere · 25/06/2019 06:27

At this point, your relationship with them is screwed either way. Better to have no relationship and a house than no relationship and no house!

Just be prepared for being disinherited.

Isatis · 25/06/2019 06:29

They’re saying that I’ll get the money in the end anyway when they die so I would be able to buy my own home then.

But:
(a) It would be less a large lump of tax;
(b) In the meantime you will have effectively wasted thousands in rent;
(c) You lose another lump of money in terms of any increase in value of your current house;
(d) By that time the money will buy substantially less than it would now;
(e) As PP have said, there may be nothing left if they need care.

Could it be worth suggesting to them that they see a financial adviser about this, so that s/he can talk to them about all these issues and also maybe help with finding finance for the holiday home?

RingtheBells · 25/06/2019 06:29

Surely if you used it for a house they would have had to sign away the money as a gift as doesn't the solicitor need to know where the funds come from and the bank has to know where it is with the mortgage and the person giving the gift has to sign that it is a gift and not another loan to pay back

cakecakecheese · 25/06/2019 06:31

I'm stunned that people could do this to their own child. I agree that you need to seek legal advice.

VivienneHolt · 25/06/2019 06:31

Yanbu. Ignore all the weirdos on this thread saying you should give them something - there are always a few who seem to think there is some kind of moral dignity in caving to the unreasonable demands of bullies.

Your parents have no legal rights to that money and it’s frankly immoral of them to even suggest that you should sell your home to give them something. They should be ashamed of themselves for asking.

Don’t give them anything - they aren’t entitled to it and they are behaving appallingly.

BlackSwan · 25/06/2019 06:31

That's messed up. Unless you strong armed them into gifting you the 100K, then forget about it. Just tell them no.

Pinkmouse6 · 25/06/2019 06:32

You can’t ask for a gift back even if it’s something that cost very little never mind 100k Shock. Once you give someone a gift that is it, it’s gone.

They have to accept they gave that money away and find another way to buy a holiday home or deal without. Can not fathom the cheeky fuckery...

BlackSwan · 25/06/2019 06:32

You don't need legal advice, don't waste your money. You need to just refuse. They have no right to get this back.

NameChangerAmI · 25/06/2019 06:34

YANBU, OP.

What a horrible position they have put you in.

Have you spoken to your brother about it? What are his thoughts - is he annoyed that they've asked him, and what are his thoughts on your situation?

The thing is, you're now stuck between a rock and a hard place.

There is no way on earth you are the U one, here. But that aside, whether you do or don't (and please don't) the damage has already been done.

If I were you, I couldn't possibly look at or think about my parents in the same way again - just asking, never mind expecting you to sell your home, so that they can have an additional home in the sun, would have already caused irreparable damage to the relationship.

You selling up will just cause you hardship and even more stress, it won't undo the ill feeling (on your part,) it will compound it.

So, you'll feel even worse than you do now, plus you'll have all the ball ache of selling and the costs this incurs, and that's just in the short term. Imagine the long term implications of this.

I can't believe they've asked you to do this.

WinterRose92 · 25/06/2019 06:34

I can’t believe I’m reading this! It’s awful!
They can’t possibly expect you to give up your home so they can have a holiday home?!
That money is gone, it was a gift. No way.

larrygrylls · 25/06/2019 06:34

Another ‘no’ here. A gift is a gift and non returnable. You made plans based on that gift and there is no reason to disrupt your life for a holiday home.

If they had really fallen on hard times (nowhere to live, not enough to eat), of course you would have a moral obligation to help out, but this is nothing like that.

Rude of them to even ask. A firm ‘no, sorry’ repeated as often as necessary should do the trick. And the brother is irrelevant.

Hairyfairy01 · 25/06/2019 06:35

We got a mortgage in 2012 with help from my dad who paid our deposit. However in order for my dad to do this we had to go to great lengths to prove this deposit money was a gift, not a loan, he had no intentions of moving in, any claim on the house if we sold it etc etc. It's all written down and I presume with our solicitor/ mortgage people. Did your parents have to sign / write statements for anything similar?

Justbreathing · 25/06/2019 06:36

If your brother is so well off. He can gift them the second 100

But basically you’ve lost your relationship with them all one way or another now.
So you may as well keep the house

Smart10 · 25/06/2019 06:36

Let your well off brother lend them the money and they can pay him back with the rent from their house.

ScrommidgeClaryAndSpunt · 25/06/2019 06:36

Parents circumstances changed a couple of years ago after they lost a significant amount of money in a bad business investment.

How on earth is that your problem?

Given this and what you say later about your brother you'd be perfectly justified to tell the lot of them to go and whistle for it and have nothing further to do with any of them.

Smart10 · 25/06/2019 06:36

Ooh snap justbreathing 😁

NauseousMum · 25/06/2019 06:39

They are being vvu and unfair. They are trying to pressure you to lose the only security you have so they have a jolly holiday home.

No they gifted it.

If brother wants to look the hero then he can help them by the home.

Agreeing with pp who ssid lose the parents not the holiday home. They chose this with their money, they can't take back a gift. I'm afraid they've forced you to choose vetween appeasing their holiday fun and your families security. Do you have dc that will be uprooted too?

Tiredemma · 25/06/2019 06:41

No way!!!!

WT ACTUAL F???????

Yogurtcoveredricecake · 25/06/2019 06:41

Tell them to fuck off. Their poor investments are not your problem, advise them they should be looking to save their money for future care costs rather than another home. Sorry about your awful parents.

00100001 · 25/06/2019 06:42

Speak to your parents.

Explain that if you out the house on the market, it couldn't take months and months to sell, and it would cost you X amount in fees. Then subtract the £100k and then extra fees for buying a new home or even just renting a smaller place.

Thenask them how long they're going to pay X amount of rent to you? Will you have to pay that back somehow?

Work out the figures, speak to them and show them.
Assuming you'd have £100k in capital after everything is paid?

Let then know the position you are being put in so they can have a second home. Starting again with nothing... With a possible taxed inheritance in 20+ years.

Or ask that you live in their house for free instead of them paying your rent, so you can at least try and save up again for a deposit.

GirlDownUnder · 25/06/2019 06:44

NeedtoNC this sounds very stressful for you.

Do have any other family, or a partner, who can help advocate for you, so you don't feel so alone in this?

What timescales have they given you?

Wishing you strength.

SlipperyLizard · 25/06/2019 06:45

They gave you a gift, so your answer should be “no”. It is unfortunate that their circumstances have changed, but that doesn’t mean you should have to return the gift.

And if they live a long time you might not get it back in the end - it could be used up paying for care!