Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parents want inheritance back

862 replies

NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 00:21

Ten years ago, my parents decided to gift me and my brother 100k each as early inheritance within the 7 year period.

With that I bought a house (with a mortgage). Still have 15 years left on the mortgage.

Now our parents want the inheritance back because they have decided they want to buy a summer home abroad.

DB is in a position to be able to as he’s well off.
However I am not and I’m barely able to keep up with the mortgage payments as it is.

In order to give back the money I’d need to sell. My parents are aware of this and have said that if I need help to pay rent, they’ll give it to me. But they want the lump sum in order to buy their holiday home.

AIBU to not give it to them?

OP posts:
koolaider · 25/06/2019 00:59

How much is the main residence worth? If it's sizeable they can use Equity Release to buy the holiday property and service the interest.

HennyPennyHorror · 25/06/2019 00:59

Oh diddums your parents! They sound fucking awful.

Do NOT even CONSIDER selling your home.

Tell them no. Your home is YOURS.

dragonway · 25/06/2019 00:59

Plus what happens if they get poorly and go into a care home. I thought I read somewhere that the govt can sell the house to pay care home fees? Who would cover your rent then? They would be in a care home, their houses sold to pay for that, you’ve got no house and nobody to cover your rent!! Don’t sell your home! Lie if you have to. Say “I spoke to an estate agent who says because of Brexit that it’s a bad time to sell. People aren’t buying right now. He said to wait until after the next general election” then just keep delaying. Also, surely your parents want to wait until brexit is sorted? They might not be allowed to go to another country to live!! Reciprocal NHS etc is all going to probably stop? Are they going to be able to cover the health insurance costs of living somewhere like Spain etc? They do know that after brexit they won’t get free healthcare in another country? They really shouldn’t be doing this now at their age until all of this stuff is sorted and we know what’s happening to visa requirements etc. Really bad time to do this!

BrendasUmbrella · 25/06/2019 00:59

Honestly, in this case I'd sooner keep the house than the parents. The house is more stable and will be there for you in the future. The parents maybe not so much.

Perhaps your well-off DB could lend them the rest of the amount and then he'll inherit the property alone?

Snowy81 · 25/06/2019 01:00

Being nosey- how much mortgage do you pay each month? And how much is it to rent the same size house as you have now?

But I think your parents are batshit crazy. I would never in my wildest dreams, even if I needed the money to buy a percent home, would I take off my children. What a worry for you..

hadthesnip2 · 25/06/2019 01:02

Just trying to look at the options here....

Can you raise any capital from your home ? Seek g as you've had it 10 years it must have made some money & you must have paid off a chunk of the original mortgage. Could you remortgage it back up to the original amount (and maybe a bit more) & offer to give them something. I understand the original £100k was a "gift" but they were very generous doing that & could
a gesture of £20k-£50k may be an option ?

Could they raise money on their property like a PP said up thread ? Maybe by way of equity release ?? This combined with your "gesture" might give them the amount they are looking for.

I don't think you should dismiss their request out of hand. Yes, they are being CF'ers but some things are not worth falling out over.

Where there's a will there's a way.

Rowennaravenclaw · 25/06/2019 01:02

What does your brother think of all this?

BrendasUmbrella · 25/06/2019 01:03

Say “I spoke to an estate agent who says because of Brexit that it’s a bad time to sell. People aren’t buying right now. He said to wait until after the next general election” then just keep delaying.

I don't think she should say or do anything that suggests she is in agreement with this. Then it becomes of a case of 'when' they get their money, not 'if'.

ILoveEurovision · 25/06/2019 01:04

Unfortunately they can’t get the necessary mortgage due to their age and the fact they’re both retired.

Have they definitely investigated this fully because I heard Martin Lewis (the money saving expert guy) talking recently about some specialist companies who provide mortgages to retired people.

strawberriesandrosepetals · 25/06/2019 01:04

Agree with weathergirl1 . Presumably the reason for the gift was to reduce future IHT implying that that they are still worth a significant amount i.e. enough to buy a holiday home although it would depend how their finances are tied up.

Was there a deed of gift done at the time?

I do feel for you. I always say you can't plan your life expecting to receive an inheritance but when it's already been given that's another matter Confused

This really is odd. I can't imagine any parents asking for it back unless it was a dire emergency in which case you sound like you wouldn't hesitate. Are you sure that is genuinely why they want the money? They are not being coerced or ripped off?

hadthesnip2 · 25/06/2019 01:05

And just to add.......your new mortgage doesn't have to be over the remaining 15 years. Depending on your age (most lenders will go up up age 70 or 75) you could do another 25 or even 30 years if the monthly repayments looked tight for you.

Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 01:07

I’m really sorry if this seems like a drip feed because i only didn’t mention this in the OP because it didn’t seem relevant at the time. I posted because I was worried and needed to get it out there.

Parents circumstances changed a couple of years ago after they lost a significant amount of money in a bad business investment. They are both retired now hence needing the money they gave to Db and me to buy the summer house.

OP posts:
Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 01:10

What does your brother think of all this?

He has already agreed to give them back his share.

OP posts:
Rowennaravenclaw · 25/06/2019 01:12

I don't think the bad investment makes any difference. The money they invested has gone, and the money they gave you has gone also. They don't sound like they are very good at all at managing their financial affairs.
If they were in danger of losing the roof over their heads it would be a different story - but a second home is a luxury!

Rowennaravenclaw · 25/06/2019 01:13

He has already agreed to give them back his share

But what does he think about their requesting you sell your home? Can he back you up on this and also tell them it's unreasonable?

Merryoldgoat · 25/06/2019 01:14

What is your relationship like with them generally?

For the record you should absolutely not give them the money. They’re utterly outrageous to even ask given it would mean selling your home.

Bubblemama · 25/06/2019 01:15

I agree with PPs, don't give it back. Don't make yourself homeless to return a gift.

They dont need a sunny holiday home. It is horrible to ask for the money back, what kind of parent does that. Mine would too

Nearlythere1 · 25/06/2019 01:17

If they're the type of people to ask for the money back and you say they like to play power games, I'd be preparing myself for them suing you for it! It may seem extreme but they might try to pass it off as a loan if they're really heartless. Say no but also dig out any evidence you have it was a gift.

quizqueen · 25/06/2019 01:17

If your brother thought his £100,000 was a gift also, why is he so keen to pay it back. Even though he can afford it, as you say, it's still a lot for him to find. There would probably be some tax implications as well in giving that large amount back and you would have to find the costs of selling your place and moving too. Would you have any equity left, as profit, after meeting all these 'debts'? Did you say to your parents that you thought it was a gift, not a loan!

Original poster
NeededtoNC · 25/06/2019 01:18

Rowenna DB doesn’t have much to do with me. I think he thinks I’m beneath him and his important life in his important job. I don’t think he’s even thought about my position in this at all.

OP posts:
Notanidiot · 25/06/2019 01:18

To those talking about the OP getting a new mortgage or agreeing to renting so she can give the money back to her parents, what the f........ (sorry can't t quite bring myself to say or write the word but you know what I mean).

If the parents are so desperate for a holiday home they should look at equity release on their main home to fund it.

In no way should they be robbing their child's current and future prosperity to fund it.

So OP, say as many times as you need the word No.

As you can see, the vast majority of opinion is that you are right and your parents are in the wrong.

So don't waiver or feel guilty about it!

LoveYourHome9 · 25/06/2019 01:22

Oh wow OP, I cannot believe that any parents would do this!

Just so they can buy a second holiday home! Did they not think through this when they gifted the money. They are asking you to sell your home, pay estate agent fees and then rent somewhere to live?? Just so they can buy a holiday home! That is unbelievable!

Do you have children? Will this affect their schooling/friendships etc having to move?

Tbh despite being your parents they are treating you beyond badly. It’s financial abuse.

I would invite them over and calmly explain how this impacts on you and what they are asking you do. You need to spell out to them exactly what they are asking. Who is paying the estate agent fees? Where is the money for deposit coming from? You need to tell them you don’t want to leave your home that they have allowed to be possible etc.

If they still want to go through with it then you ultimately need to decide whether you want a relationship with these people. And get some legal advice.

FixItUpChappie · 25/06/2019 01:25

No, no and absolutely not. Don't do it OP - you can't take a gift back when it suits you. You made decisions based on that money and now it's not available end of.

I cant believe someone's like hey ho you can visit them in their summer home ffs Hmm

Notanidiot · 25/06/2019 01:29

OP if you don't have a relationship with your brother why are you taking into account that he is agreeing to your parent's demands?

He can afford it you can't! End of story.

There is nothing else for you to consider apart from telling them NO!

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 25/06/2019 01:36

What awful awful parents.
Sadly has to be a case of “sorry I don’t have 100k to gift you and I won’t be selling my home”-
I get the feeling the relationship will be changing regardless after this