To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

[Jadefeather7]

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

As long as your baby is fed don’t worry about what anyone else may or may not think. The vast majority of people won’t give a second thought to how you feed.

Do what is best for you and the baby

The UK has some of the lowest breastfeeding rates in the world. I believe that by 6 weeks 90% of babies are FF. So it is very very likely that you won’t be the only mother formula feeding.

I wouldn't worry about people judging you but if you want to continue to breastfeed what you describe sounds normal. I know it seems like supply isn't enough at times and it is frustrating to have a baby constantly attached but that's perfectly normal if you want to persevere. Maybe try a breastfeeding support group where people will have similar concerns and you can support each other.

No one will care. You are projecting because you are feeling guilty because it hasn't gone as you planned. Your baby is being fed. Stop worrying and enjoy this precious time.

People judge however you feed your baby especially the random old dears in the street and the hcps. So just do what’s best for you and your baby.
If he wants to suck a lot a dummy might be helpful

My boy was never satisfied either and was on the boob all.the.time. He just loved boobs and still does. I was always worried about low supply but he always gained more than enough weight so I had to let my concern go and just go with feeding on demand.

How is your boy's weight going? Are there any physical signs to show he isn't getting enough? It could be the same for you...?

If you do decide to go for formula please own it. In my experience you will be judged either way. And you will be judged for absolutely everything you do or don't do as a mother. You could be the best mother in the world and people would still judge you.

My mothers' group disbanded before long because it got too bitchy and competitive. Sad but just the reality. Some of them got seriously vicious. But if you are content that you have tried everything you can try and have sought enough help and had made your decision to formula feed then more power to you.

Good luck!

I'm with @Sirzy please don't worry everyone from your nct class will be too worried about their own baby I promise!

Nobody will judge!

BUT - as said above - you do know that what you describe is normal, right? Especially if he is still very small. He's trying to get your supply up, cluster feeding.

As long as he is gaining weight and (very importantly) YOU feel ok mentally, keep going for a bit maybe. It's very likely it will work out. But, if you don't feel it's the right thing for you then FF is fine.

In a lot of classes I went to in the early days I was the only one formula feeding. That changed over time. The only person judging me was myself. Show yourself some kindness and in all honesty, no-one will care how you are feeding. You will be your worst critic. With the benefit of hindsight, stoping breastfeeding was the best thing I did with my first. She was starving and we were both miserable. If you can, breast milk is best- there isn’t much doubt about that. However, for many women and babies, things don’t work out. Please don’t beat yourself up about it.

I’m still breast feeding my nearly year old baby. Keep going if you’ve gotten this far. Plenty of water and it’ll take a few days for your supply to sort itself out. If baby is hungry you can give some additional bottle milk (I had to while mine sorted itself out) but if they’re not trying to suckle whenyou have next to none, your body won’t know to make more so you have keep trying. Mine took about 10 weeks to even out then ebf. Good luck

If someone judges you for not breastfeeding then you don’t want them in your life.

Do what is best for baby AND YOU. Most important thing for a baby is a happy and healthy mother who is coping with caring for them and not put under ridiculous pressure to try and be perfect.

Possibly by some, but I'm being judged because I'm BF and my son is just past six months 'oh you still do that....'. Don't worry about anyone else, people who judge you for how you keep your baby fed don't have opinions worth even listening to.

Hi jade

My 6 month old DS has been formula fed since about 3 weeks old. My supply just never came in and he actually ended up in the NICU for a couple of days with dehydration because of my low supply. I’ll never forget that look of contentment he had the first time he had a formula bottle, he was finally full and happy! I did troop on with expressing, milk thistle, fenugreek, domperidone... you name it I tried it. And it was destroying me, feeding him was such a struggle and I felt like such a failure.
But you know what? That was MY problem, not his. All he wanted was to be fed, he couldn’t give a crap about where it came from. And once I let go of my guilt and expectations and went to fully formula fed, life got soooo much better. He is a happy, healthy, thriving little boy.

There will always be people that judge you no matter what you do. If it’s not for formula feeding, it will be for when you go back to work or whether you’ll use dummys or when you’ll wean them to solids. It never ends.

Remember FED is best, not necessarily ‘breast is best’. Anyone who judges you for properly feeding your child isn’t worth knowing.

If I could have exclusively BF, I would have. But it just wasn’t on the cards for me. Don’t worry about what anyone else thinks, you are doing the very best you can for your child. And if anyone does judge, feel free to remind them how awesome it is that your DH/DM etc can give you a break by feeding your DS, and how great it is to not have dry cracked nipples that will soon be getting bitten by impending new teeth

If you don't want to carry on, don't let anyone pressure or guilt you.
Do whatever is right for you.

Do you want to stop breast feeding or would you like support to continue?

We are our own worst critics. I'm currently expressing for my baby and every time I feed him a bottle in public I feel like shouting "it's not formula it's breast milk!"in case anyone is silently judging me. In reality and outside of the mum guilt, PPs are right that nobody cares! At the end of the day you can't tell who was formula fed and who was breastfed, and whether baby gets milk from a boob or a bottle is going to be low down the list of important parenting decisions over the parenting journey. However I know how easy it is to know all of this rationally and logically and still beat yourself up about whatever decision you make.

Thanks all.
I was at an NCT meet-up today and someone mentioned buying bottles and everyone looked horrified (she clarified straight away that it was for expressed milk)

He’s 7 weeks now and although I continue to breastfeed I feel he’s not getting much because he’s hungry 5 mins later (not like an hour later which I know can be normal) and when I pump I get about 10mls. The Lactation consultant I saw also seemed to think my supply was the issue. I give top ups after every breastfeed when he starts getting agitated after a breastfeed so weight gain is ok and there are wet/dirty nappies.

The NCT is poisonous.

No no no!

Cluster feeding, literally wanting to be on the boob all. the. time. is perfectly normal at 7 weeks. Especially if up until now you've been thinking in terms of 'feeding time' and stopping after 'the feed' and not letting him cluster feed completely - he's still working at it to get your supply really going. At this point I also couldn't get much out pumping - some people can't! Never ever managed to get more than 10 mls out of one boob...

Had this with all of mine at 7 weeks. I was glued to the sofa. But it worked out fine by 9-10 weeks ish.

Like I said, stop if you feel stressed and unhappy with it and you think you're done. But if not, seriously take a few days to park yourself with biscuits and telly and baby and let him feed whenever he wants to. See what happens. And don't judge a boob by its pumping.

Good luck!!!

No. My son is BF but by the time we got to 6 months most of his peers were mixed fed or FF. and I would never judge anyone for using formula, that's ridiculous. It's not a moral issue, it's a parental choice.

Pumping volume doesnt equal actual volume. Many women cant pump at all but their babies manage to do just fine when breastfeeding. If you're keen to keep trying then I think breastfeeding with formula top up is quite common. Or just feed on demand, even if it is only 5 minutes later, as this is pretty common with tiny babies as well even when supply is good.

If you want to stop breastfeeding that's fine. But if you want to continue, you should.

No one will judge, do what works for you. I had similar and ended up mix feeding - it was right for us, and we carried on BFing to 13 months. But at the time I thought my world was ending.

I would say though that the issues you have might be turned around with support from a good lactation consultant, breastfeeding is hard in the early days and women usually have more milk than they think. There are things like nipple shields to help baby.

I'd be formula feeding in this situation. I always said I'd breastfeed if it came easily enough but that I'd never do it to the detriment of my sanity/mental health. Do what's right for you, if anyone judges then they are probably not the type of mums you would want to hang out with anyway!

NCT are also know as the breastapo by some. I'm sure that not all of the NCT groups are so judgemental but seriously....you should feel support from them, not pressure!