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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

194 replies

Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 14:49

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

OP posts:
gamerwidow · 19/06/2019 18:19

No one will care. My HV actively tried to get time to mix feed or FF when she saw how much I was struggling with BF.
All anyone cares about is that your baby gets fed and you don’t kill your self in the process.

gamerwidow · 19/06/2019 18:20

Up to you if you let that affect you or not
Just to be clear ‘or not’ is the right choice here.

Lazypuppy · 19/06/2019 18:21

Not all babies cluster feed, mine never did. I personally couldn't have coped with cluster feeding that some people describe and would've switched to formula before 6 months.

If you want to carry on keep going as you are, every time baby feeds he is helping to increase your supply.

Most important thing is baby is fed and you are happy!!

Jojowash · 19/06/2019 18:23

Never ever worry. You'll always get the odd mother that snoots but generally nobody takes any notice x

firstimemamma · 19/06/2019 18:24

Babies breastfeed for all sorts of reasons op. If he still wants to feed 5 mins after a feed he might be after comfort or something else. It sounds like with support continuing might be an option.

However zero judgement here and I like all forms of feeding. Good luck finding your path.

nomushrooms · 19/06/2019 18:27

I FF fed from birth. At first there were a few comments at baby groups - ‘oh, so you’re....bottle feeding.....’, ‘did you try X, Y or Z’ and my personal favourite ‘I can get you some of my expressed milk if you like, so she doesn’t have to have artificial all the time’ - but as soon as I stopped explaining myself and owned my decision, they all stopped.

I do live in an area with very high EBF rates though.

Milly345 · 19/06/2019 18:28

This issue annoys be so much... why new mothers are made to feel shitty about bf or ff babies.. look around.. can you really tell the difference between happy, healthy growing babies - which on was breast fed or formula fed.
I was adamant I hated breastfeeding and told them at the hospital ... had no pressure..
When I had my first i felt I must try- it was a really strange feeling... he took to it once perfectly... but then he had a bottle as I had anitibiotics and he had 30 mls.. the midwife was impressed he had so much.. bottle fed from his second feed and never went back on breast milk... fed the next two like this too...

Abibranning · 19/06/2019 18:30

The only person with a right to judge is you and maybe your baby, but I guarantee your baby will judge you an excellent parent for keeping him fed and loved. The doubt and the guilt is horrendous, whenever we do anything for our child but as long as we are doing our best that's all we can do.

user1480880826 · 19/06/2019 18:34

What’s weight gain like? Babies breastfeed for more than just food. They breastfeed for comfort a LOT!

If your baby is gaining weight then they are getting plenty.

Fluffymullet · 19/06/2019 18:38

Please keep going if you want to carry on breastfeeding. Every baby is different. My two DC were both very quick but frequent feeders ( 5 min feeds every 2 hours or less) friends had babies who feed for hours at a time. If he is putting on weight and having wet nappies he is doing fine. Well done x

wildwildwest1 · 19/06/2019 18:38

I formula fed from birth.
I’m sure I was judged. But my baby was fed - I was happy so he was happy.
You tried! You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone actually - but if you do feel a bit ‘judged’ you know you tried and that’s all that matters! (More than I did Wink)

wotsittoyou · 19/06/2019 18:54

I breastfed 3 till primary age. Cluster feeding is absolutely normal and can mean constant feeding. My first fed from 5 till 10 every evening for several months. My third stayed latched on throughout the whole night. It's absolutely fine.

As pps mention, the amount you express is unlikely to reflect the amount your baby is getting, especially if you're stressed about not getting enough. I tried to express after a row once and couldn't get a single drop even though I was engorged.

You seem keen to carry on. I recommend you install yourself in front of netflix and chill skin to skin for the next couple of weeks. I'm sure it will make a massive difference to you.

Also, try not to express until you're fully established. Your supply will mirror your baby's need at different times of day and this can get very complicated if you're expressing and topping up.

fairweathercyclist · 19/06/2019 18:56

If someone judges you for not breastfeeding then you don’t want them in your life

This. And if they are not your friends, why would you care about their opinions anyway? And friends don't judge unless they are trying to help you.

When a child is 5 nobody cares whether they were BF or FF and it matters a lot more whether they eat loads of sweets or chips.

bigshiplittleboat · 19/06/2019 19:00

My dd is 17 months. I have been judged for: breastfeeding, formula feeding, and combi feeding. Would probably have been judged if I hadn't fed anything at all too. I was similarly worried before the first meet-up, turns out all but one of us had given our babies formula by then, and by four months most of my friends were fully formula feeding. I'm still feeding my DD and feel judged for that too. People are so opinionated! As long as you're not giving your baby home made formula made out of raw milk and bone broth (saw a recipe for that online), I promise I won't judge you!

x2boys · 19/06/2019 19:41

Nobody should be judging anyone for how they feed their babies ,both mine were formula fed I was going to try with ds1_but as a neurotic new mother with a tiny baby I found the breast feeding support woefully inadequate so switched to formula after a couple of days ds1 is now 12 hopefully there is now more support for those that do want to continue to breast feed?formula worked really well for my babies and I was never (openly) judged .

EdWinchester · 19/06/2019 19:46

I was told not to express until my milk was really established, and topping up won't help your supply.

If you want to increase your supply, you have to accept the cluster feeding.

My first fed for hours, both sides then back to the first. As a result of this, by the time he was a few weeks old, I had more milk than I knew what to do with.

Having said that, if you think it's not for you, don't give a thought to those that judge.

Lookingforadvice123 · 19/06/2019 19:52

I hope you don't get judged. Do what you want to and what will make you happier.

My DS2 fed all the live long day/night too, and his weight gain was rubbish (1oz in a week, didn't regain his birth weight until 3.5 weeks old, and only when we'd introduced one bottle of formula a day). It was so hard, I combi fed and then switched to formula completely at 8 weeks. We're both so much happier/more settled. Sometimes BF becomes more about the mum than the baby, sadly. If it's working for you both then that's fantastic, as nutritionally of course it beats formula. But if your baby isn't gaining weight, or if you're unhappy, there should be NO shame in introducing formula.

Passthecherrycoke · 19/06/2019 19:55

Sounds like you had a problem with the latch lookingforadvice it’s not normal to feed day and night and baby not gain weight. Someone should’ve helped you.

ReganSomerset · 19/06/2019 19:56

You'll be judged whatever you do, I'm afraid. Mothers generally are.

TailEndCharlie · 19/06/2019 19:58

My first baby was 11lbs 5oz. I was advised to combined feed from the beginning because as I had a c section at 38 weeks (she was breach and 2 ft long) my milk didn't come in straight away. We managed to combine feed for five months... it was amazing. just one bottle feed a day meant she wasn't forever hungry and my supply still came in and increased.... plus as we settled on it being the 11pm feed being the bottle one my husband could do it and I went to bed at 9pm and then didn't have to get up till 4am for the next feed. It was genius! Plus it meant every time I met up with the NCT lot I breastfed along with the rest of them so could get over the mummy guilt (which is entirely wrong but hormones don't half make you feel bad!). Combined feeding is a massively underrated thing and I was just lucky that my consultant was such a big fan so I got to do it from the outset. Second baby was the perfect feeder for 7 months but wasn't as huge so things went easier but I was so ready to go straight in with combined feeding as it was so successful with the first.... it really is like the best of both worlds!

NEtoN10 · 19/06/2019 19:59

I think it's far more common to FF in the U.K. than BF. Like you I live in an area that's predominately BF so it doesn't seem that way.

Some advice I was given at BF support was to see if he is actually actively swallowing by looking at his throat. When I saw he just kept doing the shallow sucking over and over I would keep him in my arms, same position and put the dummy in. Otherwise my nips would get really sore.

Whatever you decide it's not a mark of how much you love your baby or how good a mum you are. No-one has the right to be so judgemental to new mums- just be very matter of fact about your decisions you don't need to justify to the NCT group, they might make decisions you wouldn't do.... but it's up to them just like this is up to you!

LadyWho · 19/06/2019 20:02

This again. Hmm

No one cares how you feed your child as long as they are cared for.

FlyingSpaghettiM0nster · 19/06/2019 20:10

Anyone who would judge you can fuck right off. I'm really lucky that my NCT group had a good mixture of bf and ff. I exclusively ff after about 8 weeks or so and it was the best thing for my DS. He is 16 months now and perfectly healthy. You need to do what's right for you and screw everyone else

Tinyteatime · 19/06/2019 20:15

If you want to continue you absolutely can. 7 weeks is prime time for cluster feeding and if your baby is gaining weight then you don’t have low supply. A lot of it will also be comfort sucking (I had no idea about this until my 1st was quite old and was keeping her on for hours when she wasn’t actually feeding ). If you want to formula feed, I would be amazed if anyone judged you because there will definitely be other ff there, since most babies in the U.K. are ff. I think it’s very rare that another parent would be so rude as to comment on the way a stranger feeds their baby. Whether you will fell as though your being judged is another matter though. Good luck with whatever you decide.

MamaFlintstone · 19/06/2019 20:15

Honestly, I think it depends where you live. Breastfeeding didn’t work out for us and I formula fed exclusively from about 6 weeks. I was the only bottle feeding mum in my NCT postnatal group, the only one with a bottle in most of the baby groups I went to and the only one of my group of friends who didn’t breastfeed. I certainly felt judged, to the extent that I wouldn’t feed her in public if I could help it, I’d go home or sit in the car rather than have to give her a bottle with everyone watching. With the benefit of hindsight I can tell that most of the time this was about feeling judged rather than actually overtly being judged, but that doesn’t necessarily make it easier and I did get a few tactless comments that really knocked me for six.

This too will pass. Do what you need to do for the best of ALL of your family including yourself, and by the time you have a toddler no one will give a shit how they got their milk when they were tiny.