To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

[Jadefeather7]

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

Let him cry and fuss and headbutt and scratch, nuzzle and pull away, but just keep offering boob. Your supply will up. Feed every 3 hours at night (or more frequently if he wants) for those 3 days.

This brings it all flooding back. I could have written this. My DS is now 10 months and i breast/combi fed for 8 weeks, pumped and exclusively bottle fed breast milk to 4 months and then I knocked the whole sorry business on the head and switched to fully formula fed and honestly never felt happier. But I remember walking home from Tesco with that first box of formula and feeling like I was carrying my shame and my failure for all to see. It's ludicrous! You know what will make you happy? Knowing your baby is fed and content. Not beating yourself up about things and endlessly examining everything (supplements, output etc etc). It poisoned the early weeks for me, gave me post natal depression and it could have been avoided. Do whatever you need to do to enjoy your baby.

Op that is really sad that your nct group are making you feel like that - of my group of 7, 3 were bf and 4 ff - but we all supported each other. Personally I ff for various reasons (inverted nipples, not getting to hold baby for a long time after emcs, losing 3.5 ltrs blood affected milk supply - literally nothing came out when I tried to express and she never ever latched). I felt totally judged by some other mums at certain baby groups and got the "you weren't doing it right, should have tried harder etc etc" comments - but I knew the reality and to be quite honest, my sanity and enjoying time with baby were far more important than making myself miserable during those precious first months. I'd had a tough enough time already without putting myself through more stress. Whatever works for the individual should be fine and not judged by anyone else!

One of the reasons I hated NCT is because of how unrealistic they are about breastfeeding!!

I think the very fact you’ve done NCT should give you the information that what is happening is completely NORMAL. Your baby is clusterfeeding- you do have enough milk! Don’t worry about expressing, just latch baby on as much as possible.

DD was the same and I was so unprepared. We couldn’t understand why she was so ‘hungry’. NCT lady said some crap about baby feeding every 3 hours!!

My advice is don’t give up (if you do actually want to BF). Those first few weeks are hard but once you get through it, it’s just amazing. Still BFing DD at 1 year.

If you need a break I know a lot of people who combi fed for a while and then got rid of the bottles later.

The lactation consultant is a joke, if you wanr to continue you need to ditch the top ups after each feed. Youve had some great advice above about giving it a few days you and baby

I really urge you to join uk breastfeeding support and post there on facebook its full of trained breastfeeding peer supporters

@Hmmmbop I thought I would try what
you suggested today. Tried not to give him his morning top up, instead when he woke up after first feed I put him on breast again after which he fell asleep. Once he woke up a second time I tried to put him on but he fell asleep on boob very soon after. I took it out. Noticed when I hand expressed nothing was coming out. He woke up as soon as I took it out. Tried to give it to him again but he went hysterical. He would take it into his mouth but just suck not latch and then get really frustrated that nothing was coming out :( I tried several times. Tried calming him by walking around but he would just go as soon as I would turn him horizontal for feeding (I’ve created another thread about how he is a high needs/ screamy baby). Thinking about giving up so I can just increase formula and see if it helps but it makes me feel soooo sad.

I don't think people will judge you. I think it's totally your choice. If you want to carry on what you describe sounds like what my DS was like after his tongue tie was released. I think they nurse a lot to get your supply up. Also his tongue tie reattached so it might be worth having it checked again. Tongue tie is really awful but it really does get better.

It's really hard and it's entire your decision, but that's why I said you have to let him scream at the breast. I knew he'd do it. It's how they increase your supply. It's so hard and difficult to listen to, especially if you know a bottle will satisfy him. But if you want to keep breastfeeding, it's what needs to happen.

I just want you to be able to make a truly informed decision before you stop.

@Hmmmbop I re-read your post after I wrote mine and saw that you had warned me about that. Appreciate your advice. Will try again tomorrow and see if we have better luck

Good luck hope it goes well. I agree with PP it is hard, feels like they are just constantly feeding but if you do want to preserve @Hmmmbop advice is great. If you have a bosom buddies group or beast feeding group they are great for support.

If it doesn't work out for you, I'm sure no one will judge at all for FF and you will probably come across other mums who have breastfed for a bit and gone on to formula. Please don't let it hold you back from getting out and about with other mums.

He refused the breast again this evening or at least it seemed that way :( He was on and it slipped out and he went crazy. Would take it back in his mouth with great enthusiasm but he was in such a frenzy he couldn’t latch and kept sucking. Eventually got frustrated and wouldn’t even take it in his mouth. Feel like it’s probably the end of Bf for us coming up. Makes me sad :( Maybe giving more formula will be better for us as he is a high needs/screamy baby and I wonder sometimes if that’s because he’s hungry.

Formula is a totally valid choice if that's what you wish to do. Don't beat yourself up over it.

Sorry to hear you are finding it tough JadeFeather, other people will have better advice than me, but just wishing you well. I gave up breastfeeding far too quickly as I was struggling and didn't seek help, but formula has been fab and whatever happens you know you have done everything you can to try to continue on with breastfeeding; something I wish I had done.

DD used to do this thing where she got so hungry she wouldn't latch. Weird, I know, but looked a lot like what you just described. Things that worked for me were picking her up in the cradle hold with boobs out and just letting her latch and trying to keep her from getting super hungry. Keep a close eye on him. If he's tongue thrusting or fussy, offer the boob. If in doubt, offer the boob. I'd do it about every half hour - he won't always take it, but sometimes he will. Or offer the boob shortly after or mid formula feed. If he's ravenous it just makes it harder for both of you.

The other thing I've heard some people do is give a tiny amount of formula to calm baby down and then put them on the breast. It's also normal for supply to slow down in the evening compared to the morning.

I concur that constant feeding isn't unusual at this age. Mine was a horrendous cluster feeder and in hindsight I wonder if she had colic because she was only really happy when sleeping or latched on at that age. She only got better at around 12 weeks I think because her mouth was bigger and she could get the milk more effectively.

My boy did that even after his tongue tie was cut but when I used nipple shields he latched immediately and for ages, really well. Actually breastfed using nipple shields for 4 months until he figured out how to do it without, then carried on for a further three months without nipple shields. Worth a try before you stop altogether? I used the Medela ones.

Urgh, what is it with MILs and bfing babies? My MIL’s catchphrase was ‘He can’t possibly be hungry again?’ uttered every half hour from when my DS was 2 weeks old. Yes, actually he was hungry that often, and then the cluster feeding started.

Good luck, OP, you know your baby best, and don’t stop bfing unless you want to.

@Pinktornado absolutely, advice has changed so much in the last 20-40ish years. My Mil has it in her mind that I was spoiling my DS by feeding him every time he got hungry instead of every three hours. I was going to make him fat and over reliant apparently. Seems that back in the day if the baby if the baby wanted more food it was just tough or they needed formula. Goes some way in explaining the low breastfeeding rates back then.

She also tried to give him bottles and was shocked when I said no because couldn't possibly still be breastfeeding at 6 months.