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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

194 replies

Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 14:49

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

OP posts:
sqirrelfriends · 19/06/2019 15:27

No one will judge you. As long as baby's weight is ok then I would recommend keeping with it a bit longer. My LO was permanently attached to my boob some days and as a FTM I was very concerned that I might have a low supply. I spoke with a lactation consultant and apparently all the cluster feeding is to signal to your body that the baby needs more milk and it's worth sticking with it to increase supply. The cluster feeding did end and I'm glad I stuck through it.

That being said, you know your situation far better than any of us on here and if you feel you need to stop the BF then that's completely up to you.

Fivebyfivesq · 19/06/2019 15:28

My baby is just over six months old and I mix fed from the start. I was judged today for the first time ever; by a health visitor who tried to tell me my baby was difficult to feed at the moment because I am ‘withholding the breast’ (it’s actually because he’s teething and it hurts him to feed). She also told me formula companies conspire to try to get you to feed your baby too much so they can sell you more formula. Seriously Hmm

Sallyseagull · 19/06/2019 15:28

I think that however you feed your baby you'll feel judged by someone. I bf my baby till he was 10 months and definitely felt like I got sneery comments from some when they saw me feeding.

mintich · 19/06/2019 15:29

7 out of 8 of my NCT group formula fed! 2 from the get go and the rest by about 7 weeks. The other girl breast fed for a year. All non judgemental so I'm lucky.
Some other mums have asked about why I didn't breast feed, but I'm firm and nice with my answer and they tend not to ask again!

sqirrelfriends · 19/06/2019 15:30

I've never known any pressure from NCT over breastfeeding. In fact three of our group bottle fed from birth and only 2 of us are still breastfeeding a year on and none of us have had any comments from anyone about the breastfeeding or the bottle feeding.

Passthecherrycoke · 19/06/2019 15:35

I think tbf the topping up with formula could be a self fulfilling prophecy that affects your supply. As well as feeding he’s stimulating supply for future needs too and if you don’t let him do that the supply may not increase.

Constant feeding is normal at times but it’s very hard. Anyone who judges you is a misogynistic pig by the way

lunaspring · 19/06/2019 15:37

I wonder if your worries are a reflection of how you feel yourself.

Just think, in your baby's upbringing you will make literally thousands of decisions (.... millions?!) on various choices, some 'better' than others to weigh up. Some of these choices will work for you and your personal situation, and some won't.

Fed is best.

Have a quick answer prepared if you feel you need to , even so you feel reassured and hopefully never need to use it. 'That wasn't possible for us' being such an example.

Wishing you all the best.

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 19/06/2019 15:40

Do what’s best for you and your family, fuck anyone else! If they judge then bin them, you don’t need anyone in your life who’s going to make you feel bad for your choices, especially at what will already be a hard time.
However as other have said, what you’re describing is normal. My little girl is 11 weeks and EBF and although most days she’s on for a bit then off for an hour or 2 evenings and seemly all day today she’s on the boob. I’m guessing she’s about to have a growth spurt and is therefore trying to up my supply or having a developmental leap and comfort boobing. I’m lucky as this is baby no.2 and I fed DS till he was 16 months so I have a good idea of what’s normal.

ginandnappies · 19/06/2019 15:43

Anyone that does judge is a wanker.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 15:51

Interesting! In my NCT group everyone is breastfeeding.

I didn’t realise cluster feeding means they are permanently attached to you. I thought it was feeding after an hour rather than two? My MIL made me feel like there was something wrong with me because her kids would only feed for 10 mins from each side and be satisfied whereas my son was still hungry after an 1-1.5 hours on me. I had sore nipples earlier on but much better now. I could try having him permanently attached to me now. It isn’t too late to do that at 7 Weeks?

OP posts:
Yabbers · 19/06/2019 16:01

Yes you will. But you would also be judged for breastfeeding, especially in public.

And later for giving him ice cream and for not giving him ice cream. For letting him watch TV but also for him being out playing too late. Or too early. Or in the rain. Or if it’s too hot.

For giving him tech but for not letting him have what his friends have.

Welcome to parenting ❤️

Do what works for you and yours, fuck anyone who tries to tell you their way is better.

mondaysaturday · 19/06/2019 16:02

It sounds like a lot of external pressure is getting to you.

All babies are different and as long as your little one is gaining weight then it's fine. It's about what's best for both of you and your sanity.

I'm still BFing a 13 month old and what worked for us was combo feeding. I just decided that I didn't care what people thought and if I was frazzled and needed a break, I'd hand her over to her papa with a bottle of formula.

She did not get nipple confusion, my supply wasn't affected, my kid is still happily breastfeeding a year on and the sky hasn't caved in because she's had a few bottles.

Do what's best for you and your sanity. It's not all or nothing. Formula is a perfectly fine source of nutrition. You can still have a great breastfeeding relationship with your baby and still get a break every now and then.

Xmr1986 · 19/06/2019 16:03

He's cluster feeding. It's normal. That doesn't mean it isnt bloody hard though.

Slicedpineapple · 19/06/2019 16:04

Your experience sounds just like what I'm currently going through, so sounds normal! Feed or express what you can and top up with formula whilst your supply is boosted by baby cluster feeding. Nobody will judge. FED is best. Sod anyone who says otherwise.

spugzbunny · 19/06/2019 16:04

You won't be judged. It's all a personal decision. It's probably not your supply though ... babies do feed a lot. Hours at a time is normal

CustardCreamLover · 19/06/2019 16:05

@JadeFeather yo reassure you it's never too late to increase your supply. My LO had his tongue tie cut at 4.5 months and hadn't been feeding well from the boob for about 2 weeks so my supply plummeted. After he had it cut he started feeding again and my supply jumped back up to match his needs. So don't give up if you don't want to.

My LO is combi fed now though and it took me some time to accept it. But he's happy and gaining weight so that's all I care about!

spugzbunny · 19/06/2019 16:05

Pumping is also no indication of what your supply is. I've never been able to pump more than a 10-30mls.

Daydreamer34 · 19/06/2019 16:06

I didn't breastfeed either of my children, I never felt judged by anyone. I went to baby groups and never felt judged. Never saw anyone else breastfeeding either, all giving bottles, possibly with breast milk i don't know. Nct groups are another story. Just say it's breast milk in the bottle

YouKidsKeepMeYoung · 19/06/2019 16:07

Both babies FF. I don't judge breastfeeding mums, but I do watch them a little enviously. I'm curious too.
It's probably just that, all FF mums I know wish they could have breastfed.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 16:10

Why does nobody say that cluster feeding is normal? Everyone (MIL and my Lactation consultant) made me feel like I should never need to feed for more than 40 mins

OP posts:
Namestheyareachangin · 19/06/2019 16:13

You will not be judged. By feeding as long as you have you have already busted through the average in this country. most babies are formula fed, ergo most families are formula feeding. No judgement possible.

However: cluster feeding is murder, but it is NORMAL. As in for hours. At a time. Baby is trying to build your supply up and will feed hard to do this.

Baby's weight gain and nappy output are the best possible indicators of whether he is getting enough to eat. Not how long feeds are taking, how frequent, or how fussy he is.

If you want to bf you still can; if you don't, then it's up to you and you will be in the majority, not a stigmatised minority.

BowiesJumper · 19/06/2019 16:14

Is he putting on weight ok?

I had to constantly feed too - just fed on demand! 7 weeks is still tiny so there isn't always a routine as such!

Namestheyareachangin · 19/06/2019 16:16

Why does nobody say that cluster feeding is normal? Everyone (MIL and my Lactation consultant) made me feel like I should never need to feed for more than 40 mins

Because knowledge and support is bloody shocking in this country sadly Sad Have you got a local La Leche League chapter? Can be a bit hit and miss as the tone of the group will be set by and large by the leaders, who may be great or may be shit, but their evidence-based knowledge of feeding is usually pretty good and the support can be fantastic. KellyMom.com is another brilliant source of evidence-based information.

WhenZogateSuperworm · 19/06/2019 16:16

Anyone who judges you for FF isn’t someone you want to spend time with anyway.

Of my NCT group of 8, 6 breastfed. 4 stopped at 6 months and weaned on to formula, 2 kept going till over 1. Some pumped, some topped up, some used bottles, some used cups. Some of our babies have dummies, some don’t.

I’m very lucky that my group were a lovely bunch of ladies who all get on really well as 6 of us are now on maternity leave with our 2nd and it’s great to spend time with them.

If your NCT people are judgy then they are not your people. Go to some some classes and find nicer people to hang one with.

jimsdoll · 19/06/2019 16:17

Hi jade, still time for u of course if that's what u want. I would say get plan to do nothing much for next few days if possible skin to skin on sofa and just let baby feed. My 2 were stuck to me for hours at a time at some stages as in normally fron early evening 5pm and still sucking away at 12/1 that night. All completely normal