To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

[Jadefeather7]

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

Your situation is so common yet we simply don't speak enough or prepare women for "what to expect" when breastfeeding.

I agree with others that it is likely cluster feeding and as long as there is weight gain wet and dirty nappies then you are both doing a fantastic job.

At the 6 weeks stage I was going through the cluster feeds and it broke me. I remember just sobbing as I was so exhausted. It soon got better and feeds became more efficient.

I wasn't prepared for how often a breast fed baby feeds. All I knew was that ff babies had a certain amount of milk at regular intervals throughout the day and as my baby wasn't operating in this way, I immediately thought something was wrong.

A wise women once said to me that our bodies as females are incredible things, designed in the most perfect way. So if we needed to see how much milk was in our breasts then mother nature herself would have designed it that way. As it happens, we don't! So just trust your body and go with the flow.

There is no normal or standard when it comes to breastfeeding.

If you are being used as a dummy then introduce a dummy. Your baby won't confuse a dummy for breast and will let you know if he wants food (they are smarter than we give them credit for).

If you want to pump, pump both breasts around 5 or 6 am after the first feed of the day.

But also if you want to introduce formula then do so! Formula is a modern day miracle and it serves a great purpose in our world.

I had to do combined feeding both times as my supply didn’t come in for weeks and mine became hypoglycaemic/lost weight/ became dehydrated despite being attached to the boob 24/7.
Some women do have low supply. I did everything both times. Lactation consultants, pumping for 6 months 12 times per day, domperidone, herbal supplements, increased my fluids/calories. Everything. I couldn’t have done more. But my supply took weeks to be sufficient to stop them losing weight and becoming very unwell. By then it was very hard to wean down the formula.
I still managed to breast feed my first until 12 months, and my second is still breast feeding at 18months. But that’s because I worked so hard to persist and keep it going and certainly that level of commitment is difficult and by no means right for everyone. Combined feeding can be very tough as babies will often start rejecting the breast and you have to really fight to keep them interested and to maintain supply. I managed to get my second off formula after I introduced food, but never managed it with my first.
I really don’t agree that all women can produce enough, and even the lactation consultants I saw said that some women just never do. It’s a myth that everyone can exclusively breast feed. Perpetuated by people who have a reasonable supply. Many of my friends are paediatricians and they see babies admitted for dehydration due to exclusive breastfeeding when supply isn’t enough.
Please don’t feel guilty or beat yourself up. I know I did for years after my first, and to some extent with my second. It’s heartbreaking having to give formula if it’s not what you want. I found it especially difficult in public, and it felt like everyone around me was breastfeeding without problems. I later found out that many of my NCT friends topped them up with formula, but they did it at home. I had to do it in public as my babies would scream for more milk. And I found it very hard. Some people will judge you, but the majority won’t. And if they do judge you, they have probably been very lucky with breastfeeding, and should probably realise that rather than judge someone else who is struggling.

Sorry long post but I basically wanted to say please do what’s right for your baby and for you. Fed is best.

You’re doing a great job. I know how hard it is but your baby is cluster feeding. There is so much misinformation about ‘not producing enough/baby being too hungry’ - I had it myself at the beginning and in fact I tried to give my baby formula but she refused it and spat it out. So I persevered with BF and she has been thriving ever since. She is 2.5 now. BF gets much easier after about 8-10 weeks I promise you. No sterilising, boob on tap.

It's likely been a long time since your mil bf at least 20 years? So she could well be misremembering. Mothers and mil's don't always report honestly either.

My mum went on and on about how she bf all of us, it was only when I had dd and I was "still breastfeeding" at 8 WEEKS that I realised despite her claims she had actually only fed us for 6-7 weeks each. She thought feeding for longer than that was unnecessary!

I bf dd for 9-10 months and only stopped then because due to a medical issue my milk completely dried.

But dd and I were very poorly after the birth, dd was in scbu and was tube fed initially, then mix fed until we went home and then my fabulous midwife helped me transition her to fully bf. Which did include almost permanent feeding at one point around the 6-7 week Mark.

It's really not unusual and doesn't last very long, and yes it helps to establish supply.

I was never able to pump much yet I was able to provide enough for my heavy (long and skinny but heavy) baby to thrive.

If you want to keep bf and baby's gaining weight steadily (a little weight loss can occur but providing not too much and then quickly regained you're fine) then keep on as you are and you and baby will find the routine that's right for you both.

If you want to keep mix feeding that's ok too but it can affect supply in the early stages.

If you want to switch to FF totally again that's totally your choice but bear in mind after a certain point you'll no longer have the option to return to bf.

As per pps whatever you do SOMEBODY will criticise! So you may as well do what suits you and baby.

Where is the lactation consultant from?! She sounds utterly useless! I'd be asking about her credentials and experience to be honest! - unfortunately there are good and bad professionals in every sphere of expertise. And unfortunately bf expertise in this country is pretty crap still.

I had a health visitor appointment about 20 weeks in, we'd just moved house and dd was feeding more than usual which I made the mistake of mentioning. This hv made said maybe I wasn't producing enough milk and perhaps I should be thinking about moving to FF, that nutritionally it was pretty pointless bf "this late" luckily I was confident that this wasn't the case. As the conversation continued it turned out she was newly qualified, had no children of her own, had very little experience with children let alone babies and had done NO training regarding bf beyond the basic requirements of her qualification (which I suspect is pretty minimal!) why she became a hv I really don't know! She didn't even seem to like babies! I refused to see her again.

Try a different one, or sites like kelly mom or posting here...

She is talking nonsense! Bf babies don't gain weight fast, that's a good thing.

You honestly will not be judged that's just guilt making you feel like that. I felt that I had to justify why I wasn't breastfeeding or it hadn't worked out but that was just me l, no one said anything to make me explain why.

Although, I do remember one day in the queue in Debenhams an older lady was chatting away to me and my little 6 month old and randomly out of nowhere asked did u feed her yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️ was very strange. I then felt I had to give her my whole story about how I tried for a week but my milk never came in bla bla bla. I wish I had just said no or even yes to shut her up 😂

I feel so bad for you that you’ve had such crappy advice! Your MIL can perhaps be excused but you’ve had rubbish advice from lactation consultant.
They more they feed the more you make. That sleepy feeding they do at end of a feed is normal/healthy. You either want to park in front of TV and just feed and cuddle or take to your bed with him for lots of skin to skin and feeding.
As people have said - stop/reduce top-up. You don’t sound like you need them. If you are drinking plenty water and feeding on demand you should produce enough milk. Night feeds are also really important for establishing your supply.
Please read

kellymom.com/parenting/parenting-faq/fussy-evening/

kellymom.com/hot-topics/low-supply/

themilkmeg.com/4-myths-that-can-derail-your-breastfeeding-journey/

themilkmeg.com/should-i-just-give-up-what-to-do-when-breastfeeding-is-really-hard/

Ultimately feed your baby however you want and fuck what anyone else thinks. It sounds like you want to continue though and it seems like there’s no reason why you can’t. Good luck

I formula fed (I did try to breastfeed but shen wouldnt suckle for ages and when we did start to seem to get it she wasn't gaining weight). I haven't found anyone judgemental for me bottle feeding but I did fear being judged in situations where I was the only bottle feeder... parent and baby yoga was all breastfeeders, everything else has been mixed, possibly majority bottle but I didn't do nct....

If your baby is healthy and fed who cares who judges! You're doing what's right for YOU & baby.

Passthechereycoke there was no problem with the latch, I went to a BF clinic a couple of times and they said it was normal! When I say feed, he was on the boob. Obviously he couldn't have been efficiently feeding that whole time. He was having plenty of wet and dirty nappies, but his weight gain was very poor.

At our NCT group (8 couples) it was 50/50... half of us breastfed, the other half were on formula from the beginning. Nobody was judged. We all just moaned about how hard and annoying our respective feeding method was! Im sorry your NCT group doesn't seem supportive. I know two of the breastfeeders gave some formula very early on anyway as a bedtime bottle. Only 2 of us actually breastfed until 6 months. You might find some of them start using formula soon any way. But I'm sorry you have to deal with judgement... being a new mother is hard enough as it is without worrying what others think!!

Oh sorry, just read the rest of the thread and see you woild prefer to carry on breastfeeding anyway. Great! Okay, cluster feeding is totally totally normal. However, I eventually figured out that my little boy struggled to fall asleep without the comfort of sucking. So when I thought he was feeding he was actually snoozing!!! He basically napped in my arms with his mouth on my nipple for the first 10 weeks of his life. I then started to take him for pram walks every hour and a half or two hours or so to make sure he had regular naps off me. Then his feeds reduced in length and frequency. You can also try a dummy for this although this runs the risk of not noticing when he is actually hungry. Plus I felt a bit judged by others for using a dummy with my boy (thankfully some of my NCT group are very pro-dummy... although now I think about it I'm the only one who have a dummy who was breastfeeding!)
My boy struggled with latching due to his tongue tie even after it was snipped so he used nipple shielss for the first 4 months. Absolutely brilliant and saved breastfeeding for us.
The amount you pump bears no correlation to supply. Some women have huge supply but just don't get any out when pumping.
If there's a baby cafe near you in your local children's centre etc... use it! They were our lifeline in the early weeks.
Best of luck x

Hi OP congratulations on your new baby

It sounds like youve had really poor advice from the lactation consultant. And MIL qill be using advice she recieved years ago when breastfeeding "advjce" was frankly awful and resulted in many babies going on formula so ignore.

Are there any La Leche League groupa near you or breastfeeding groups?

All the thinga you describe sound normal. At 7 weeks my daughter was glued to me, feeding hourly often and falling asleep at the breast. Fussing too in the evenings, I didnt know at the time it was to build supply and normal behaviour. I watched so many boxsets in the early days!

I really recommend the facebook group UK Breastfeeding Support there are trained breastfeeding supporters and you can post pics of centiles etc. I used it loads in early days.

If you baby has lots of wet and dirty naplies and is gaining weight ok then all is ok.

If you give top ups of formula after each feed this is called "the top up trap" look on google images. You feel like yourw npt producing enough milk, you give top up, baby feels overfull and sleeps more, baby suckles less, your body produces less milk,

If you want to keep breastfeeding keep asking for (informed) support in real life and online. Never give up on a bad day. It does get easier.

I have overcome lots of issues along the way and am feeding my soon to be 18 month old.

Sorry for all the typos my phone screen is cracked.

I wanted to add I have never bee able to pump more than 30ml but as pps have said pumping doesnt indicate supply not all women respond to pumps. My 17mo old is thriving .

Have confidence in your body, enjoy your baby and keep seeking informed advice and support

No you won't, it's unlikely that your popular choice to formula feed will be interesting to anyone. Are you just looking for posts to state what judgy bitches bf mothers are? I bf for 2.5 years and in all honesty don't give a fuck how you chose to feed yours!!

Don't see that lactation consultant again, whatever you do. Cluster feeding at around 6w is completely normal, and topping up with formula is the worst thing you can do. The body makes milk to replace that which has been taken out (by baby, pump etc). Filling the baby up with formula sends message to breasts to decrease production.

If you want to increase supply, go to bed with your baby for 1-2 days, get everyone to wait on you hand and foot. Drink lots, eat well and let baby feed as much as possible. You can also express a little after each feed (don't need to keep the milk, as that requires sterile things etc), body with think the baby is extra hungry, will make more milk for next feeds.

Obviously not everyone can do the bed rest, cluster feeds - but if you can, it will make the world of difference. And if you can express off after a feed (even only a few mL), that will help send signal to body that more is needed.

People bf triplets, it's all about how much is taken out, and the body tops it back up. Don't do any formula until your supply is good - only do a bottle (if you want to) when everything is going smoothly.

So mix feed?
One top up bottle a day, just before evening sleep time. That’s when your supply is lowest and the time when you might have a husband or partner to hand the baby to.

Some say mix feeding creates nipple confusion. Bollox to that. My babies never had nipple confusion, and they were very happy to have full tummies before bed.

In my case, topping up was the best thing I could do. Happy babies, relieved mother. It allowed me to continue bf’ing till my babies were 15 months old and happily onto cows milk and solids.

I know what you mean about feeling like you'll be judged. My 11wk old has a cleft lip and palate and so I exclusively pump for him. When I've been bottle feeding him in public I feel people's judgement burning through their eye at me sometimes, even though it's breast milk in the bottle!

People really have no idea what goes on in other people's lives and really shouldn't judge. Like another poster here said, feeding him at all is the main thing - milk or formula!

That KellyMom website has an agenda. It’s very sanctimommy. I read the articles and just thought, ugh.

Some people will always find something to judge. Wait till your baby is a toddler. So many people feel entitled to offer criticism in a way that they would never dare with any other stranger. You end up having to be the umbrella to shield your child from all the bullshit so they can get on with being themselves. See it as a rehearsal for that.

Thank you for all the reassurance.

With the bf although he’s 7 weeks now he has always since week 1 never been satisfied after a bf (always lasts an hour or more)so it’s not just a 7 week thing and it’s not the classic evening cluster feeding it happens at all times of the day and whenever I feed him. Because he lost weight early on, had jaundice and I was unwell for a few days every feed now is bf (in the hope he’s getting something) followed by ff. Therefore I can’t really judge by weight gain or nappies.

As an example I Bf him this morning 30 mins on one side after which he fell asleep for ten minutes, woke up rooting gave him other side for 40 mins and fell asleep for ten minutes, woke up rooting and crying, and I gave a bottle (tried dummy but he spits it out so must be hunger). Should I try having him permanently attached to me? I feel a little sore this morning. Part of the issue is his arms flail around when feeding and unless I swaddle him (which he hates) I think the latch is sometimes a bit shallow. With swaddling he sometimes gets hysterical which doesn’t help with patching!

My Lactation consultant was IBLBC but I guess I can try La Leche League.

Where abouts are you in the country? Maybe someone can recommend a free breastfeed Clinic news you. I can recommend one in Oxfordshire.

What you are describing sounds completely normal. This was exactly what my daughter did till around 10 weeks. Constantly feeding for hours and sleeping only on me or latched to me. I watched hours and hours of boxsets!

Yes baby is doing it for comfort to some extent but that's not a bad thing. You are the only thing your baby knows and being latched to you is baby's happy place. They are solely reliant on you! Cluster feeding is at peak around 5-7 weeks but I experienced it from birth and also again around 4 months, 8 months and when I went back to work.

I know what you mean about the latch. If it's too shallow, try relatching. Also use lasinoh on your nipples constantly! You can feed with it on. Maybe get a fiddle necklace or a toy baby can hold on to when flailing around.

One thing my girl did around 8 weeks was what I called boob yelling where she'd pull off and scream that she couldn't get back on even though it was right there! It sounds mad but standing up sorts this out! Stand up, and try and get baby to latch! Really works.

Also think about a sling such as a close caboo. This might satisfy babies need to be attached to you all the time and give you a break. You can also feed in it with some practice!

Also I should add that I had no issues with nipple confusion by giving my baby one bottle every night. I don't think it actually helped at all - she was a terrible sleeper till she was 9 months but it meant I could go away for the night knowing she'd take a bottle from dad.

I swear at 7weeks my ds was more on than off the boobs. Sometimes it was literally all day. It's perfectly normal cluster feeding. try just putting him back on the boob everytime as then it will stimulate your supply. I use to feel anxious about supply but once I just embraced the sofa and fed fed fed it became easier and I really started to enjoy bf.