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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

194 replies

Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 14:49

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 19/06/2019 16:17

Tbh it’s not great did your baby to regularly feed for more than an hour (we’re not long out of NICU and this is one of the signs they look out for that baby isn’t feeding properly, so ask you to record how long they’ve fed for) BUT cluster feeding is something different. They’re not really drinking the whole time as such, more stimulating your supply for tomorrow or the next day when they are going to need more

BlueMerchant · 19/06/2019 16:21

People will judge. If it's not not breast feeding then it will be for something else.
Unless you slot into the 'clique' in these groups then they will find something to pick on, from the brand of nappy bag you carry to whether you use disposible or reuse nappies.

doskant · 19/06/2019 16:21

Not sure about your lactation consultant but perhaps try a different one? I was lucky and had a great one who understood my son was a demanding little bugger from the outset.

As other posters have said it's normal for them to be on the boob all the time in the beginning. He's still very young. You also mentioned his weight is fine, correct? So that should suggest he's getting enough milk. Also agree with PP who say pumped amount isn't representative of your supply. Weight gain and wet nappies are the best signs.

As for your MIL... sigh My MIL has pushed me to FF from the beginning, saying my milk was not enough. She didn't BF so thought I couldn't. She may have just forgotten what it's like in the beginning. It's easy to forget in the fog. But her situation isn't the same as yours. Each mother and baby are different. Tell her it isn't a competition. Feeds get much quicker and start to space out the older bub gets. It does get easier.

GPatz · 19/06/2019 16:25

My last cluster feed with my nine week old was four hours. Watched a lot of TV. She cluster feed most of the time between 6 - 8 weeks. Outside of the very normal cluster feeding, she's an efficient little feeder. Whilst this too shall pass, it's your decision for what's best for your family. Fed is a necessity, being informed best.

Sandybval · 19/06/2019 16:26

People judge for anything, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula feeding, and if people do have an issue with it you probably don't want to be spending time with them anyway! However, if you do wish to continue with breastfeeding which it sounds like you do, are there any support meetings nearby? Or health visitor drop in sessions? Are they gaining weight okay, and lots of wet and dirty nappies?

yeahokright · 19/06/2019 16:27

You can pump and get near to nothing....that doesn't mean baby isn't getting enough. A pump can't replicate your baby. Also top ups will make your supply go down. If you are worried about supply the key is to keep putting your baby to breast.

However, if you WANT to stop then stop. It really doesn't matter at all. Just do it for the right reasons.

GMtoBe · 19/06/2019 16:27

Another one to say that's totally normal. My DD would be almost permanently attached to me feeding at that age in the evening for up to 5 hours at a time on and off. As PP have said, you've been told it's not normal because knowledge and training in supporting breastfeeding mothers is woefully inadequate in this country. See if there are any breastfeeding support groups nearby. If you're in my area you'd be very welcome at the one I help to run!

Sandybval · 19/06/2019 16:28

Also pumping isn't an indication of amount, but when I get as trying to up my supply (not saying yours is low by the way, just in my experience) I saw some advice to put a sock over the bottle so you couldn't see how much had been pumped; and weirdly I always seemed to be able to pump more.

BigRedLondonBus · 19/06/2019 16:29

Totally normal. I’ve bf 4. I’ve never known anyone to judge ff it’s the norm in this country.

PaddyF0dder · 19/06/2019 16:30

Formula is fine. All 3 of ours were formula fed.

You see loads of people out and about giving baby bottles. It’s no big deal. What matters is a fed baby and a happy parent.

Xmr1986 · 19/06/2019 16:31

OP cluster feeding is the next several months of your life. It's how they stimulate your boobs to produce more when they need a bigger supply as they go through growth spurts, it takes several months for your supply to come in full and eventually level off - It is 1000000% normal. And your MIL is a tit who probably only bf for a few days or is only remembering the easy bits or had a complete oversupply.

GlobalPayments · 19/06/2019 16:32

The reason most people fail to breastfeed for long is bad advice.

What's normal in breastfeeding is so very far from the commonly taught expectation. Breastfeeding can be very difficult.

My local NHS employed breastfeeding 'champion' is full of shit and offers harmful advice on a daily basis. She also used to attend, with the rest of the local midwifes, an annual Christmas dinner paid for by Aptimel!

Xmr1986 · 19/06/2019 16:32

Also, I combi fed and then gave up at 3 months as Ds suddenly sprouted 4 shark eeth overnight and I near lost a nipple. Just do what you're most happy with. It only matters for you and baby, no one else.

septembersunshine · 19/06/2019 16:33

No they won't! I ff all four of mine. I did try bf but for one reason or another we didn't last longer then 8 weeks. No one cared one jot. And op, when your stood at thouse school gates with your 4 or 5 year old no one knows or even asks how you fed your baby, when he crawled or walked, or rolled. when he spoke or ate solids. Its old news op. It simply won't matter. Ff if that is yhe roght option for you and your baby and just enjoy these baby days x

Charmatt · 19/06/2019 16:38

My son was 'terminally feeding' when BF and could not latch on. We turned to formula feeding because he was not thriving. I felt terrible but it was the best decision I made. I found out later he would never have been able to BF but that is a whole other thread.

When I had my daughter I made the conscious decision to FF from birth and do not regret it at all.

We are our own worst critics and we put the pressure on ourselves. No one else should be bothered, but if they are, it's none of their business!

Good luck and I hope your baby thrives
X

HiJenny35 · 19/06/2019 17:06

Totally normal and if you want to just stop top up feeding put baby on the boob more as you will start making enough, the body makes more the more baby tries to make and 7 weeks isn't too late as you are still feeding (all be it less) but putting to the boob more will increase the supply. My first would have the boob in her mouth for an hour and then want to go back on after 15 mins for another hour. Nothing to do with supply just wanted the closeness and to take a little bit all the time. My second wanted a big feed and then nothing for ages. They are all different. Don't take expressing as a way to judge loads of women can't express. I got nothing from an electric pump, changed to a manual pump and got loads.
Will you be criticised... probably! I got critisised for feeding too much, too long, not stopping feeding earlier, why wasn't I formula feeding it's easier etc, whatever you do people like to comment so do whatever is best for baby and you.

Brainfogmcfogface · 19/06/2019 17:25

My 16 wk dd has been cluster feeding constantly since birth, with my first I’d never heard of it and thought I just have a low supply, and so combi fed, this time I was equipped with a lot more info and am just going with the flow. I feed her when she wants and today I don’t feel like she’s been off the boob for more then half hour at any one time, but she’s putting on weight, is happy in herself, lots of full nappies, so I know she’s getting what she needs and it’s perfectly normal, though horribly inconvenient I had so much to do today! Ah well :) oh, and manual or electric, I can’t pump barely a drop, but a squeeze of my nipple will send milk shooting across the room sometimes, so disregard pimping being a sign of a low supply..
But to answer you Aibu, no. It’s your baby, fuck others judgement and do what you feel is right for you both! Enjoy your baby, it goes by way to fast, don’t waste it being stressed about what others think :)

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 19/06/2019 17:26

OP in a couple of months most will bottle or combi feed

If they do judge then fuck them - its meant to be about supporting each other not a competition

They normally have a group whatapp dont they? If you're worried just send a message saying you're a bit down about giving up breastfeeding as you tried your best. Sure no one will say anything bad!

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 18:05

I would love to be able to continue bf if possible. My Lactation consultant made me feel like there wasn’t anything I could do and was suggesting increasing formula top ups as his weight gain was slow and she thought he was just comfort sucking which is why feeds were so long. Luckily that same day we had the midwife over to weight him and he was gaining a good amount.

OP posts:
BillywilliamV · 19/06/2019 18:11

Yeah, some people will judge you but who cares about them. It’s fine but you sound like you need to square it with yourself!

MissB83 · 19/06/2019 18:16

7 weeks is still quite small. My son was still an inefficient feeder at that age; he would feed most of the night until at least 3am and was on and off at least once an hour in the day. And quite long feeds. It doesn't sound that abnormal to me but I appreciate it's easy to get worried when you've got a new baby!

MissB83 · 19/06/2019 18:17

I think there is a national breastfeeding helpline who may be able to offer some support, and I really recommend Kellymom and The Milk Meg for some reading up!

Sandybval · 19/06/2019 18:17

That's weird she said there was nothing you could do, they gave me advice on how to relactate after 10 weeks of not breastfeeding! Is there anyone else you can see? Again, nothing wrong however you choose to feed, so only if you really want to continue breastfeeding look into it, otherwise formula is still a viable option not up feel bad about. Loads of skin to skin, leg baby on breast whenever they like, drink LOADS, try to eat oats- which you're doing anyway probably but worth a go. If gaining weight then sounds like all is going well, but follow your instincts.

Purpletigers · 19/06/2019 18:18

This is totally normal for a breastfed baby . It’s hard work but if your baby is gaining weight then it doesn’t sound like there’s any issue with your supply . If you don’t want to bf then don’t but it doesn’t sound like your supply is the issue . If you can make it to 10 weeks the rest gets easier . 6- 10 weeks are a real struggle and some don’t want to do it enough so either say they don’t have a good supply or that they couldn’t feed their” big” baby.
People will judge especially in an NCT group . Up to you if you let that affect you or not . Also expect your hormones to go crazy when you stop bf.

firstimemamma · 19/06/2019 18:18

As a parent you'll be judged no matter what you do so I'd try not to worry. I sometimes get judged for my breastfeeding! You really can't win.