To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

[Jadefeather7]

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

Whenever I tell people I had a very poor milk supply they never seem to believe me and I’ve seen it on this thread too! Disbelief that it’s a possibility and that you need to just plow on and it’s completely normal and you should just stay very sore and miserable with a grizzling baby and worrying all the time. Mixed feeding or formula feeding is not the worst thing you can do, it’s your baby and your body you can make whatever choice you want to. I also spent many weeks in the same situation as you with a very small jaundiced sleepy low birthweight baby trying to feed her when I didn’t have a good supply and I got to the point where it was making me so unhappy that going to formula was just the best for us both. Everyone is allowed to make their own choice I don’t judge you and don’t think you are doing XYZ wrong either

I have very fibrous average size breasts and didn’t even need to wear breast pads as they never even leaked, they felt full at first after birth but nothing like all the books were telling me about burning hot milk heavy filled boobs even when I stopped trying I didn’t notice anything happened to them. This was years ago so didn’t have a lactation consultant just a HV but I wasn’t about to ruin my first time motherhood by feeling so unhappy and worried

That KellyMom website has an agenda. It’s very sanctimommy. I read the articles and just thought, ugh.

It has the 'agenda' of helping mothers continue to breastfeed if that's what they want to do (and are being told at every turn "just give them a bottle"). Please could you provide some examples of where it is 'sanctimommy' (ridiculous word)?

All I ever found there was good evidence-based information about normal baby feeding behaviour, and common and uncommon challenges and possible solutions. Nothing in any way preseeured or bullying. What sort of thing are you talking about?

YANBU. and I honestly think those who are most likely to judge (for either bf or ff) are:

• older generations who have ff and they see you struggling and offer this advice
• those who are pregnant or TTC and will of course be the perfect parents in every single way.

Current generation young parents who have recently been though it are most likely not to give a fuck how you feed - they have their own baby to worry about. So don't worry about going to the groups!

Anyone who judges you should mind their own business.

Gentle support if YOU want to continue is fine; judgment is not.

That’s kind of normal when they are young, nothing to do with your supply. Low milk supply is actually very rare so I get irritated when people suggest it may or even must be that. If low milk supply happened before formula was invented, unless you could find someone else to BF your baby they would die. Your body is designed to breastfeed, that is literally why we have breasts. You have enough milk.

Newborns want to feed around the clock, their tummies are only tiny and can’t process much milk. They outgrow this stage quite quickly. My seven month old feeds for 5/10 minute stretches every 3-4 hours and that’s enough.

I never know where all these nct groups are where everyone is determined to bf lol. Of the 8 in my group, all but 3 had purchased perfect prep machines, bottles etc before the baby was even born, and took formula to the hospital. A couple did some token mixed feeding for a few weeks but if anything I felt judged as I enjoyed bf & so kept on for longer. There seemed to be a constant vibe that you should want to leave baby with grand parents etc asap and go off doing your own thing so I'm always amazed when people are worried about being judged by nct for FF!

OP - the top ups are probably hammering your supply but if you are happier mixed feeding do what works for you.

Are you eating plenty and drinking lots? I found that any attempt at all to lose weight while bf resulted in a rapid drop in supply. Weight came off but very slowly. However at 6m when we started solids weight just fell off rapidly with zero effort!

Cluster feeding is really normal but if it's really bothering you you don't have to stick at it. However it's ok at 7 weeks to try a dummy? Some babies are just very sucky, it doesn't mean there's any issue with your supply.

That KellyMom website has an agenda. It’s very sanctimommy. I read the articles and just thought, ugh.

I don't think that's true. It's very well researched, evidence based advice. I think the problem is that there is quite a lot of misinformation out there from doctors, HV, sometimes lactation consultants, and I think largely because the formula companies have an agenda to sell a product.

Fuck what anyone thinks, breast feeding is best but formula is excellent, and there are so many advantages (disadvantages too) but just do whichever is best for the child.

My MiL frequently says she didn’t have any milk. I find it quite frustrating because she doesn’t seem to acknowledge that no woman has milk, you put the baby on your breast and baby stimulates it. This can take round the clock stimulation in the early days. I know she was misinformed (she had her babies abroad in the 70s so a language barrier as well as trend for formula) but she’s seen me BF twice now and we’ve spoken about how relentless it is, yet she still repeats the no milk line.

It doesn’t bother me but I imagine there are loads of women hearing similar from their mothers/ MIL who take it at face value because they don’t have much other support to tell them otherwise

Funnily enough I’m introducing a FF this evening for my 2 week old, because I’m just so tired and feel the need for self care (and want to introduce a bottle early as my first was a bottle refuser) so I’m in no way anti formula but I think we need to be honest with women about how much you need to feed in the early days. Then honest about how much easier it is to BF in the later days!

Dd was exclusively formula fed. I never really had a second thought about it (was 25 and had no mum friends though.. I had pnd and post birth health issues and couldn’t breastfeed)
You do you! Formula is fine. If anyone judges then like pp said they’re not going to be your friends

I breastfeed my son. That's my choice. It's your choice how you feed yours. I wouldn't dream for a second of judging another woman for how they wanted to feed their baby. Anyone who does judge isn't worth your time.

We did combination feeding moving to formula feeding at 3 weeks and no one has ever judged me for it.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

It's strange because it's the opposite way for me! I didn't do NCT but I go to 3/4 baby groups a week and in about 50 classes I've seen one, yes one formula feed!! It's mad as I know it's not representative nationally

I'm combi feeding at 8 months - my son is breastfed except for a bottle at 8pm before bed, followed by a quick comfort breastfeed to send him to sleep, or a bottle if I'm going to the cinema or dentist/hairdresser.
You can't really win. I've been looked at funny for a) breastfeeding in public b) breastfeeding a large baby who is the size of an 11 month old c) giving a bottle of EBM at 3 weeks instead of waiting til 6 weeks, which is too late IMO and d) buying Aptimel when supermarket formula is the same.
If you want to continue try LLL, or your local Children's Centre if you have one. Ours had a breastfeeding support group and you get tea.

Never worry about what anybody else thinks. You have a perception that people are judging you simply because you read Internet forums such as this. And because you talk to other mums... and we all admit that, as mums ,the one thing we love to do most is talk about our own parenting experiences.
Older generations who had babies in 70s 80s and 90s probably all formula fed. It was pretty much the done thing so ladies of that generation aren’t going to judge you. And when I had my first children in the early noughties breast feeding was encouraged but nobody was judged for not doing it.
I only first experienced these judgy attitudes when I had my 3rd in 2011 and stumbled across Internet forums during maternity leave. Suddenly I had a different perception of some women and how they (perhaps unintentionally )have it in them make others feel bad about themselves as we wade through motherhood.

In real life it doesn’t matter how you feed your baby. All those babies from the 70s etc survived to tell the tale. You don’t have to tell us that you couldn’t do it due to lack of milk. You don’t owe anybody a reason for stopping. Some women stop or don’t start because they simply don’t like it and that is their prerogative. Nobody’s business. Let everyone else worry about feeding their own.

You are a parent now and it’s always going to feel like others are judging the way you parent. You just have to learn to do it your way.
Just feed your baby anyway you wish/can and stop beating yourself up. In a year or 2 from now you’ll have moved on to the next parenting problem. And your baby will have gained weight and will be alive and well.

My boy was the same at that age, OP. I remember one evening hoping he would get off the boob long enough so I could answer to door to pizza delivery guy he was perfectly healthy and normal - just going through a growth spurt.
Will you be judged if you switch to formula? Possibly - but then you may get judged for breastfeeding as well so does it really matter?

The only people who will judge are dicks whose opinions don’t matter. Do what’s best for you and your baby OP

By the way, OP - my mother laughed at me for it doing the whole ‘feed 10 mins each side’ every 3 hours... but then apparently her milk dried up early
To be fair to her though, the advice back then wasn’t nearly as good as it is now. And yes - cluster feeding is really bloody hard for some mothers and it can be constant (not every hour)

When people say feeding can be constant is it a figure of speech or do they actually mean the baby only leaves the boob for 10-15 mins each hour for the whole day?

baby only leaves the boob for 10-15 mins each hour for the whole day

It can be like this. In fact my 7 month old had a virus recently and he was stuck to me almost all day at the worst part?

! Not ?

When people say feeding can be constant is it a figure of speech or do they actually mean the baby only leaves the boob for 10-15 mins each hour for the whole day?

My DD when cluster feeding was like this. I remember at about 16 weeks I has been feeding her non stop for about 3 hours and I was literally sobbing on the sofa because I was so exhausted and sick of it.
Her awful feeding was a major contributing factor to my PND. The relief when I finally had enough and moved to mix feeding at 5 months was unreal.

My MiL frequently says she didn’t have any milk. I find it quite frustrating because she doesn’t seem to acknowledge that no woman has milk, you put the baby on your breast and baby stimulates it

Or you know she could just not have had any milk, it's not exactly unheard of.

It’s very unlikely gamerwidow- isn’t it frequently quoted to be around 2% of women who don’t produce any milk (generally for medical reasons)

When people say feeding can be constant is it a figure of speech or do they actually mean the baby only leaves the boob for 10-15 mins each hour for the whole day?

It can be like this during a growth spurt - but not constantly for the whole time.