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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I will be judged for formula feeding?

194 replies

Jadefeather7 · 19/06/2019 14:49

Tried so hard to breastfeed but my baby is never satisfied. Five minutes after an hour long feed he is wanting more :( Had his tongue tie snipped and latch checked by breastfeeding counsellor. I think the issue is with my low supply and I’ve tried herbal supplements and medication but no success.
Anyway I’m worried about going to NCT meet-ups and baby groups because I fear I will be judged for formula feeding?

OP posts:
Passthecherrycoke · 20/06/2019 14:10

When people say feeding can be constant is it a figure of speech or do they actually mean the baby only leaves the boob for 10-15 mins each hour for the whole day?

It shouldn’t be a long term thing, but yes you can get days like this, more so in the early days

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 14:35

He’s been like this since birth (never satisfied even after an hour long feed) which is why I top up after every feed so I guess it probably is a supply/milk flow issue for me rather than just a growth spurt thing.

OP posts:
Kescilly · 20/06/2019 14:45

My NCT friends have been perfectly lovely and supportive of my breastfeeding struggles. Some of them are combined feeding right now and I know they wouldn’t judge me for moving entirely to formula. I don’t doubt that other groups are more judgmental, just wanted to say that they aren’t all like that.

And half of us have had planned c-sections!

Passthecherrycoke · 20/06/2019 14:49

It could be latch- it might be taking him a long time to get the milk he needs out - has he been checked for tongue tie?

Is he having wet and dirty nappies? Possibly the formula top ups have decreased your supply, if you wanted to get it back up you could try as suggested going to bed with him for a few days

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 14:58

Everyone that has seen latch - midwife, Lactation consultant and maternity nurse have said it’s fine. Tongue tie was cut a few weeks ago.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 14:59

Nappies are wet and dirty but that’s probably a result of the formula he’s getting...

OP posts:
Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 15:00

Sometimes I take him off breast to adjust latch or give myself a quick break and I hand express to check there’s something coming out! I get a few drops but no squirting or sprays.

OP posts:
Mintypea5 · 20/06/2019 15:03

@Jadefeather7 I had similar issues constantly told it's the latch, it's just cluster feeding (lots of just try harder) finally after 7 weeks of feeding every 30 mins poor weight gain and a baby who screamed a lot my HV said try formula ... weight gain improved, he finally seemed satisfied and screamed less

DS2 again I tried breastfeeding and again suffered same issues (along with prolonged jaundice) this time they recognised a lot earlier that it was my supply that was the issue. Started FF.

Honestly you may be judged. I was heavily both times. Despite UK apparently having the lowest BF rates in my area everyone BF. I'm still in the minority with my 11 month old. But if they judge that's there problem tell why your FF and if they have an issue with that then they're not worth the time tbh. They'll have their own parenting trials and woes to deal with at some point

Sending you some love it's bloody tough. Don't be hard on yourself. I get like a massive failure with DS1 but with DS2 I accepted that BF wasnt how I would go and my mental health has been much better.

gamerwidow · 20/06/2019 15:11

isn’t it frequently quoted to be around 2% of women who don’t produce any milk
So why can't she be in that 2%. You wasn't there, you don;t know her full medical history, why can't you just give her the benefit of the doubt?

gamerwidow · 20/06/2019 15:13

My NCT friends have been perfectly lovely and supportive of my breastfeeding struggles.

In my NCT group out of 6 people, 3 FF from birth and the other 3 BF for 4 - 6 months. No-one judged anyone else, honestly our hardest critics are ourselves.

FrenchJunebug · 20/06/2019 15:15

some people will judge you. I was in the same situation as you and bottle fed and was judged verbally by random strangers BUT at the end of the day you do what is right for you and your baby. When kids are older nobody can tell who was breastfed or bottle fed.

ShinyRuby · 20/06/2019 15:22

Another one saying do what's best for YOU op because if you're happy then baby will be happy too. You've given it more than your best shot.
Some people might judge you but honestly just ignore them or even better avoid them. NCT can be a bit much sometimes, don't carry on with bf to please anyone at a group. It's you & your baby that are important here. Good luck.

Hmmmbop · 20/06/2019 15:57

Sounds like you want support rather than to stop (if I'm wrong, I'm sorry and stopping is totally fine).

Hungry after 5 minutes at 7 weeks is totally normal! There's several reasons for that but the two main are bio feedback from the breast and it increasing your supply.

Is baby having lots of wet nappies? Is he gaining weight? If the answer is yes then your supply is fine. Honestly.

Hmmmbop · 20/06/2019 15:58

If you are formula feeding as well then you might be getting in to the "top up trap"

NEtoN10 · 20/06/2019 16:32

OP I just wanted to say as well- my DS is 5 months now and I've never really "sprayed milk" I thought it would be jetting out from what my mum said! But my DS completely gets enough, has good weight gain and nappies. When he had his injections I sat on the sofa after and fed him all afternoon on and off and this did increase my supply, even just that one day so I know it does fluctuate. I posted earlier about watching his throat to see if he is actually swallowing properly or just shallow sucking - this makes a big difference for me. When he starts just faffing on as I call it I take him off and try to play / comfort him in other ways so I don't end up sore and it's good to be able to comfort/ soothe without boob only.

Really hope that helps x

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 17:23

Thanks @NEtoN10 I can hear swallowing on one side, the other side does produce some milk when I try hand expressing but don’t hear as much from it. I do see his throat moving. I do feel like he’s transferring milk but my gut feeling is that the milk is flowing slowly

OP posts:
Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 17:28

@HmmmbopYes I think we are in the top up trap but unfortunately due to issues early on top up was necessary and I don’t think I have the confidence yet to get rid off it

OP posts:
MegaPants · 20/06/2019 17:34

A mother's health comes before other people's judgement. Do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby.

SunniDay · 20/06/2019 18:47

Hi OP,
Is there a reason you aren't happy doing mixed feeding of bottle and breast? If you can make this work I see it as the best of both worlds. Immunity help from breastfeeding, plentiful supply and certainty of no vitamin deficiencies from formula and others can help you out so you can get some rest or pop out.
Good luck whatever you decide to do. As long as mum and baby are happy and healthy nothing else matters.

Hmmmbop · 20/06/2019 18:57

jadefeather if you do want to get out of the top up trap you can but it depends on whether you want to (no judgement).

I'm part of the welcome committee of a NCT baby group, we are not judgemental about any baby feeding issues, we very much have a policy of 'no mum left behind'.

Original poster
Jadefeather7 · 20/06/2019 21:04

@SunniDay Sorry I should have clarified that I don’t want to give up formula totally. Mixed feeding is fine for me but I want to breastfeed primarily (at the moment because I top up after every feed it feels like it’s mainly formula). One or two bottles a day would be fine.

@Hmmmbop Yes I would like to but I can’t see how. I’m scared to stop formula as I don’t want him to be hungry, lose weight etc. My Lactation consultant was saying to increase formula top ups so that has made the prospect of deceasing top ups even more daunting!

OP posts:
lookingatthings · 20/06/2019 21:14

You won't (and shouldn't) be judged for FF, but I agree with pp that this amount of feeding at 7 weeks is completely normal. And the amount you are able to pump is not an accurate eflection of how much your baby is actually getting. Kellymom is a fantastic resource for breastfeeding information, as is La Leche League - if they meet near you I would advise going over switching to foemula if you really want to continue with bf.

That being said, it is hard work. Ds is 12w and has gone from every 3 hrs to every hour. He was every hour up until 8w so there was only a month respite really, but he's going through a growth spurt and I'm confident it will settle down again.

You've done amazing to come this far and however you choose to go forward you can be proud of yourself.

frenchonion · 20/06/2019 21:23

Haven't read the whole thread and there's probably four million replies saying exactly this but what you describe is totally normal! Babies love boob. So keep on keeping on if you want, but if you want to give it up just do it. I ff my eldest two from birth (cant really articulate why with the eldest - pregancy was a 'surprise' one and I hated the whole ordeal, so bf was just...a no!). Then had DS a year later so even though I probably could have I was adjusted to bottles by then. However BF baby 3 several years later until he was almost two. Wasn't easy but after the initial few months I bloody loved it. I miss feeding him so much. Sorry, on a ramble, but what I'm trying to say is you've just got to do what's good for you. If people DO judge...it says more about them than you. I've been judged both ways and to be honest it's best just to forge your own path and to hell with other people! Congratulations!

Thequaffle · 20/06/2019 21:25

It’s no ones business but yours. Not a single soul on this earth loves your baby like you do. Fed is best!

Hmmmbop · 20/06/2019 21:33

It's possible you'll need 3 days in the house with absolutely nothing else to do, get yourself a metric fuck tonne of snacks and drinks by your bedside, a decent box set to binge watch and do not put a top or bra on and only a nappy on baby. Only leave the bed to pee and make a brew. Almost constant feeding and skin to skin. And absolutely no formula! Once you've done those 3 days you could introduce a bottle of formula for 1 feed a day (which ever feed is most convenient for you, same feed each day).