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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed by hospital visitors.

183 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 06:39

Had a baby two days ago and still here. Partners/named visitors are allowed 9-9 others 3-7. Lady in same ward had partner here till 10:30 last night and they came back at 6am today . I wouldn't mind but they don't shut up and I was trying to take a nap after getting baby to sleep. The midwife even said "oooh your back early" but didn't tell them to bog off. What's the point of having visiting hours!

OP posts:
ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 14/04/2019 06:51

How much longer are you going to be in for? If you're not leaving today I'd make a fuss. You don't have to put up with this.

JenniferJareau · 14/04/2019 06:53

Just tell them to pipe down!

'Do you mind keeping the noise down, I'm trying to sleep. Thank you.'

TeddyIsaHe · 14/04/2019 06:53

I get why you’re annoyed, but she might have had a really traumatic birth and needs the extra support. I think having just had a baby is one of the times I’d be a bit more lenient. Although they should be quiet and respect others on the ward, definitely!

Hopefully you’re not in much longer, and congrats on your lovely newborn!

IntoValhalla · 14/04/2019 06:57

Is there a medical reason why you are still in hospital?
If there isn’t, and you and baby are both well, I’d be discharging myself and taking my baby home. It’s not a prison, they cannot keep you there. I discharged myself after my first baby for a similar reason - packed, noisy ward, no help from hca’s or midwives with anything and no sleep. I removed my own cannulas etc and asked my DH to come and take me home.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 06:57

Yeah but we've all just had babies! They've had a shit ton of visitors which is fine it's just why come so bloody early. I don't know when I'm going home so maybe that's why I'm extra annoyed. I hate hospitals and it's so hot here. I need a poo but scared of bursting my stitches and you have to take the baby with you in their cot which seems mental. All this is making me antsy

OP posts:
Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 06:59

No medical reason intovalhala. Just trying to establish BF (baby don't latch) and they recommend baby see the pediatrician before going home and couldn't see us yesterday. They did day they can't keep us here but recommend we stay and if we have problems once we leave we can't just come back.

OP posts:
SnuggyBuggy · 14/04/2019 07:01

I feel for you OP. Postnatal wards can be real hellholes and this is just accepted as normal. You deserve some slack too and they are being really inconsiderate

IntoValhalla · 14/04/2019 07:04

MRSMARMITE urrgghhh I fucking hate that. I remember that with DC1 “paediatrician can’t do the neonatal check up today”....the second I asked for the paperwork to sign so I could discharge us both, a paediatrician miraculously appeared out of nowhere Hmm
I really hope your get some rest soon! If you don’t feel comfortable asking them to keep the noise down, would your partner ask them??

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 14/04/2019 07:05

It doesn't actually really matter whether the woman has had a traumatic birth. That's for the midwives to see to. The OP at the very least should be able to get a bit of sleep when she can. Hospitals are hell on earth noisy places, the absolute minimum should be that visiting hours are protected to keep noise down.

They're bloody selfish.

IntoValhalla · 14/04/2019 07:06

SnuggyBuggy I’d agree that “hellhole” is an accurate description.
My experience on a postnatal ward after DC1 was a massive factor in me choosing to have DC2 at home!

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 14/04/2019 07:07

Also when they say if you discharge yourself you 'can't just come back', what do they mean by that? I'm pretty sure if you need help, the postnatal ward remains your point of contact for the following week or so at least.

If you're concerned about establishing breastfeeding can you ask about local support? I had the most amazing lady come out to me with dc1, I think my HV recommended her.

How often are the midwives helping you to establish feeding? Unless they're helping a lot if recommend you get yourself home, where you might be able to sleep, and investigate peer support.

IntoValhalla · 14/04/2019 07:08

What ItsNice said with bells on!!!

sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2019 07:10

Post natal wards are awful!!!!
I hope you get out soo .
I do believe a partner should be able to stay on the ward to support the new mum (I found the midwives to be draconian) but they should be being respectful and quiet to all the new mums .
Being loud isn’t on.
When I was admitted to hospital with DS2 at 32 weeks, another long termer would have an entourage of men arrive first thing in the morning and stay alllllll day! I am not joking they would eat from morning until night, burping, talking loudly , standing about the ward.
It was so u comfortable, it was an all female ward (obviously lol) and even getting up and getting washed in the morning , I felt so exposed .

kateandme · 14/04/2019 07:13

i think there must be a reason they are allowed visitors so early so id try to be lenient.buuuuut that doesn't mean to say they don't have to follow politeness and keep it down! could you talk to the nurses.saying you know they obviously need their visitor but you and the other mums need peace when they can so could they make sure they keep it right down. you can have a traumatic birth and still be quite.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 07:14

Maybe my DH misunderstood them about "can't come back" . I dunno. I'm Knackered. I just hate all the 'you can't carry your baby" what would I be doing at home? And I'm bitter that as we have other children DH can only come for a short visit. I know being a home I could shower whilst he kept an eye on the baby, eat when I want, have access to everything I need. Hopefully I'll get home tomorrow. I would just discharge but had lots of problems with my last baby so it's made me a worrier.

OP posts:
Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 07:16

sauvignonblancplz that sounds awful!!! Did the staff not say anything?!? At least my experience isn't that bad. That would have driven me insane

OP posts:
sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2019 07:20

No not a word and I was there for a week, every single day was the same.
Confused

flumpybear · 14/04/2019 07:24

I had with my second baby - the husband literally arrived with the lark and stayed sometimes til 11 pm or later
I really got pissed of when he would come in with McDonalds to drop off for you my darling wife you can't possibly eat the rubbish they serve here ... oh the irony!!

Oh and my DH turned up one day about 10 minutes before the official doors opened to husbands and was told to wait 😱

It's not thst I'm bothered as DH would visit for an hour so so by that time I wanted to rest and spend time chilling out with my new baby, and DH had loads of stuff to do, how do some people man age to stay literally all the time Confused

Siameasy · 14/04/2019 07:40

Ugh that’s awful and why are hospitals so hot? Surely it’s encouraging germs. It’s so thoughtless of people to make noise. I think you’re right not to go home until you’ve established BF either. We were in for a while for that reason but SIL was discharged at an earlier stage and ended up being readmitted which would probably be worse once you’re home.

Ninjamilo · 14/04/2019 07:41

I’d be going home, no medical reason to stay.

Personally I hate hospitals so my husband would be there all the time regardless of visiting hours. Honestly, after giving birth I didn’t really care what anyone else thought.

Nuttyaboutnutella · 14/04/2019 07:48

This infuriates me so much. The father's should only be there during the ward times and at least be considerate to others.

My DP was with is 10-8 but we kept to ourselves and were quiet.

Complain to the midwives. It's not fair, you need to be resting.

maryberryslayers · 14/04/2019 07:53

Ask to move to a private room and keep on asking and bothering them until you get it.
Say you don't feel comfortable with how long they allow male visitors to stay and don't control the noise, and it's affecting your ability to breastfeed comfortably.
You'll have your own bathroom then and you can just leave baby where they are whilst you poo!
I said straight away that I wasn't comfortable on a ward so I had my own room and DH could come and go as he pleased.

FlaviaAlbia · 14/04/2019 07:54

Congratulations on your baby Flowers

Post natal wards are the seventh circle of hell.

DS1 couldn't latch at all and DS2 had a bad latch, both had tongue ties in case no one has checked that.

With DS2 I knew the drill and escaped after insisting on a referal to get it cut. With DS1 I was stuck for days as no one diagnosed it and then ended up giving him formula to get out of there before calling the LLL at home.

Thehop · 14/04/2019 07:56

I feel your pain. I had an emcs with baby number 4 in 2016 and the ward was 24hr visiting. One acrote at the end had her boyfriend and a music speaker in and at midnight they got a ducking pizza delivered. People are selfish. I hope you get home soon x

Funnyface1 · 14/04/2019 08:04

I discharged myself 24 hours after my c section because we'd had a horrendous night, I was recieving absolutely no care and I knew we'd be better off at home. The paediatrician was suddenly available for me too once the midwife knew I was serious.

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