Aibu to be annoyed by hospital visitors.

[MRSMARMITE3]

Had a baby two days ago and still here. Partners/named visitors are allowed 9-9 others 3-7. Lady in same ward had partner here till 10:30 last night and they came back at 6am today . I wouldn't mind but they don't shut up and I was trying to take a nap after getting baby to sleep. The midwife even said "oooh your back early" but didn't tell them to bog off. What's the point of having visiting hours!

Agree with Riding
I bawled my eyes out when told DD had jaundice. I’d been in HDU and then post natal trying and failing to establish BF, feeling like a complete disaster as DD wouldn’t latch. Had never heard of jaundice and thought DD had a nice tan as DH has dark features🙈

We were admitted to “transitional care”. She was under the light which broke my heart. Honestly tho going there was the best thing that couldve happened to us. Staff were amazing, we got loads of help and eventually got that baby on the boob (then it wouldn’t get off for 3 years). Totally different to post natal where they kept shoving my boob into DD’s face.

My SIL’s baby got readmitted for exactly the same so did DH’s cousin’s

Jaundice is common and you will be in the best place.

How are your boobs? Personal Q but you must be in pain if baby isn’t feeding much? One thing they said to me is whatever happens keep the milk flowing, hand express all the time so that your body gets the message “yes we do want this milk please keep making more thank you”. I will never forget the rock hard boob bloody hell

Just give formula and escape. Spare a thought for the poor knackered midwives working short staffed 12 hour shifts, NHS resourcing has been cut massively in the last few years, although they might seem blase they are feeling on their knees!!!!

Yeah, just escape, then call in a lactation consultant or if you are in NCT, ask for help. I went to one woman's house and ended up spending the night with her and DD2 and saved my feeding. She stayed with me all night helping us.

I ended up on a "pop up ward" with DC1, it was essentially a corridor they could turn into a bay when things got really busy.

No windows or natural daylight.....

Was still better than my experience with DC3. She was taken to neonatal and I ended up in a side room with a woman who had twins (and this woman had a right moan at me when I turned the light on as I came up after leaving baby not knowing what was wrong in her incubator after a brain scan....to be fair someone should have accompanied us to the room so we didn't have to disturb the other occupants!!)

OP if you're struggling with stitches, maybe try this (it sounds ridiculous but worked for me) - half fill some condoms with water, tie off and freeze them. Then wrap in a flannel and put in your knickers. Helps with swelling - odd as it sounds.

Oh I sympathise. I was in for 5 days in January and it was bloody awful. Babies cried non stop on the ward I think the longest I slept in a stint was 30 mins. It was also a furnace, I was boiling hot. Have quite flat nipples and the heat made it a nightmare, no wonder I had latch problems!

Really feel for you. Hope you can leave soon!! 💐

Saimsey think it's coming in today. They are really hot and hurt. Still get nothing off with baby. Just got a drip off with an electric pump. Doesn't help that I need to sit to feed which hurts my stitches something chronic. Already getting stabby feelings towards DH who's asleep and who offered to take our other child out all day tomorrow (which is nice but then means I'm constantly expressing/ skin skin/ feeding with no one to pass me stuff or baby if that makes senses)

Blimey.. my youngest is now 11 and I remember getting cheesed off with the mobiles ringing ( just put it on vibrate only for Petes sake) and other babies crying waking up my son who never wanted to sleep at the best of times so I was knackered. so I discharged myself only to be readmitted 3 days later due to little man and jaundice and me and my blood pressure. Thankfully I was put on the pre-natal ward and as others have said it’s much quieter = he was much more settled, then they moved me back up to the maternity ward for a couple days which I was not too pleased about. All that said the partners were never the main issue, there was none of this overnight sleepovers or showing up at 6am, i remember the last partner/visitor being gone by around 9/10pm.

If this is now the norm on maternity wards then it’s a good thing Ive stopped having children or id be sent straight from there to prison for wringing someone’s neck!

Can someone tell me why you need to take the baby with you when going toilet? I’m sure I read from OP she needs to take the baby to the toilets when going and also something about she can’t pick baby up ( or was I getting it all mixed up?)

Of course fathers are visitors. Unlike the mother and baby they aren't patients, therefore by definition they are visitors. They have extended visiting rights by virtue of being the father. The other women on the ward are entitled to peace and quiet to recover and this (should) trump fathers' desire (not right) to attend "to their newborn child for the entire duration".

This

YANBU, postnatal wards are horrendous. I discharged myself after DC3 and luckily was discharged 14 hours after DC4 was born (ELCS) so only had to stay one night.

With DC1&2 I had traumatic deliveries so had to stay three nights and it was awful, especially with DC1. He kept crying and I just didn’t know what to do, I was in so much pain I struggled to lift him from his cot so had to keep buzzing for help but their ‘help’ was condescending and judgemental. I remember being told off for holding him too much and also for drinking fresh orange juice as that was probably causing my DS’s gas. I felt so awful.

I also always remember the Mother facing me who kept leaving her baby crying so she could go smoke . She had so many visitors all of the time and they were always so loud.

If you can, a bath with Epsom salts helps the stitches and warm water over your boobs may help the let-down

Sometimes people are allowed to stay because of circumstances. These reasons don't get discussed with everyone else on the ward.

Distilled witch hazel poured on maternity pads is very soothing. Takes the heat out of the stitches.

It helped start the let down for pumping for me if I looked at DS or sniffed some of his clothing.

Have you had a tongue tie check? All the midwives missed DS1's and the HV swore blind he didn't have one until I got a la leche league consultant out. It was £40 for the consultation I think but the best £40 I'd ever spent

@hoxtonbabe certainly the one I was in women were told never to leave the baby on its own but the staff wouldn't look after them, so baby had to come to if you went to the loo. Showers were only possible if you had a visitor there to leave the baby with!

Not carrying is to avoid slips and falls (eg if woman faints) whilst holding baby. So they were always moved around in the little crib things.

If all these dads are on the ward all this time who the heck is doing everything at home? Mine was at the hospital two hours a day - mostly because of bus timetable, but he was also washing my blood soaked clothing to make sure I had enough at hospital, shopping for things it turned out we needed and constructing the crib etc so we had somewhere for the baby to sleep when we got home!

And it also felt sensible to ensure one of us was getting enough sleep!

RidingMyBike

But maybe you couldn’t leave the baby because If all the random visitors?

Maybe if the wards were free in the day, with just new mums, then baby could be left while you nipped to the loo?

@RidingMyBike

Thanks for clearing that up as I was scratching my head a bit.

Things really have changed since my last one. Until now I’ve never heard of this. You just popped into the loo whenever you had to and left baby in his crib by your bed, and just you had a shower when baby fell asleep although with my one that stayed awake all the hours he could I actually did have to wait for someone to come but with my first I had a quick shower before he woke...

well you learn something New everyday on here, lol

I was only on Post natal ward a night - this was before visitors could stop all night.

I got told off for going to the loo in the night - never occurred to me I was supposed to take baby as well - it was never explained I was just shouted off and called selfish. I thought they must be really busy but DH said there were only us four right by each other – and all the other bays were empty.

Milk with my first was slow to come in.

I only spent one night in - vistors were there at 6am very nosiy and one night and morning was enough on that ward. We were supposed to wait for someone and some forms having waited all morning we just left - no-one stopped us and it was never mentioned. We don't drive and had a lift waiting in car park outside.

Community MW came round later afternoon - were great - lots of skin to skin laying down at home in a bed - also helped me feed on my side - and told me if I wasn't feeling I should be pumping on day 3 when milk wasn't completely in. They also suggest lots of oats and fluids. They said baby always got more than the pumps - which was true for me as pumping never got much even months later.

Other friends ended up giving a bottle and sorting bf when they got home – which as they were less stressed and could access help went better for them.

Reading this I do wonder if our shithole postnatal wards contribute to low exclusive breastfeeding rates

I never got much off with the pump in the first few days I think it was day 5 I finally got her on the boob with the help of a nipple shield. Hand expressing is good in the early days.

It always amazes me why people are so wet lettuce British in these threads.

Tell the ignorant visitors with mobiles going off, stealing bedside chairs, playing music, causing mayhem at 6am to shut the fuck up (be as blunt or polite as you like) - it's a recovery hospital ward, not a zoo or family day out. If anyone gives grief, that's where your own advocates need to support you - partners, family, escalate to the staff about the impact their inconsiderate behaviour is having!

Why are people putting up with this nonsense? The nurses may be busy but telling rowdy visitors off with a warning then a request to leave if they're unduly disturbing other patients is part of their remit. Use them!

(And no, having a traumatic delivery doesn't excuse playing music on phones without headphones so that all the patients have to be disturbed by it.. it's basic courtesy)

Probably in my case because I was exhausted, in pain, trapped in bed with a catheter and worried about DC not feeding mondaylisasmile.

When your reserves are running low sometimes you just don't have energy or you feel too vunerable for an argument.

Reading this I do wonder if our shithole postnatal wards contribute to low exclusive breastfeeding rates

Oh, I think they definitely do. It's not going to be conducive to feeding if you're completely exhausted, don't have enough to eat or drink (not everyone has some man who can be there doing the job the staff should be doing) because you can't get to the food trolley, no privacy being a ward setting and with loads of visitors.

I learned quickly to give formula just to get out and then sort out breastfeeding.

Why are people putting up with this nonsense?

With DD1, I hadn't slept in 48 hours, 32 hour labour, forceps and stitches, couldn't feel my legs for hours after just didn't have the energy to tell off rowdy people. With DD2 and DS I got luckier with the deliveries and made sure I went home by formula feeding because having just given birth and having a newborn didn't make me feel empowered to confront aggressive, loud people.