Aibu to be annoyed by hospital visitors.

[MRSMARMITE3]

Had a baby two days ago and still here. Partners/named visitors are allowed 9-9 others 3-7. Lady in same ward had partner here till 10:30 last night and they came back at 6am today . I wouldn't mind but they don't shut up and I was trying to take a nap after getting baby to sleep. The midwife even said "oooh your back early" but didn't tell them to bog off. What's the point of having visiting hours!

Not maternity/midwife related but my dad was on a nephrology ward recently, visiting hours were 2.30 to 8pm but because he was so poorly the staff said we could come and go as we liked. That said we made sure to be respectful of the other men in the ward, keep the noise down and arrived and left at a decent time. Also tried to keep the numbers around the bed down, if someone new arrived we'd take a break and let them have some time with him. The staff nurse even rang us at 5am one morning to ask if someone could come in and sit with him. Because he was so poorly he was supposed to be in a private room but none were available as tbe occupants had novovirus and he ended up dying on the ward behind the bed curtains. The most irritating thing on the ward was one of the patients mobiles constantly going off and him repeating his admission story at top volume a million times a day 😒😠. The nurses were wonderful throughout although understaffed.

Gosh when I had DS I had to stay 24 hours as birth wasn't all rosy. Arrived on ward (next to nurse's station) where nurses were having huge arguement with this guy who was insisting that the nhs should pay for his taxi home. He was f-ing his head off. It was midnight. Throughout the night I could hear the ringing of poor women who needed help and were pushing their buzzers for the nurses to come and help. The nurses were laughing about it and saying things like' Oh she can wait' or 'no.it's you're turn'. 'well I'm just finishing this article.' I shit you not.Women on the ward were totally ignored. When, after my 24 hour sentence I asked the nurse if I could leave soon, she actually laughed in my face and told me I would have a long wait. She then came back with some paperwork and said she had lost her pen so couldn't fill it in with me at that moment. Luckily for me, she had left it at the end of my bed after her last visit. Needless to day, I think it's fair to day that NOBODY on that ward was at the top of their game . FFS.

Honestly? maternity wards are just terrible in general I think.

My first baby I had at 2am and was terrified (I was 19) and they kicked my mum and husband out within an hour of the delivery and dumped me on the ward crying that I didn’t want my husband to go yet. I didn’t sleep because the woman next to me snored like a tractor like not a little snoring but horrific loud snoring. Then in the morning they took my baby away because he was breathing funny. Now obviously I understand that they needed to take him and treat him quickly and explain later that part I understood but it took them over an hour to come and update me and instead of saying “ok we are treating him now and he’s doing alright, however...” the doctor started with “so we’ve run some tests and the results weren’t good” they left me on the ward with all the other mothers with their babies and mine was on a machine downstairs to help him breath and I couldn’t go see him until I was cleared. They then asked how my stitches were (I didn’t have stitches they had the wrong notes in my bed) they located the correct notes and wrote stupid things like “Jessica is upset” no sh*t Sherlock you took my baby away and he’s on a machine! One of the ladies from the neonatal team started telling me I was selfish for wanting to try expressing breast milk for my son instead of giving them formula because I wouldn’t be able to express enough. Which turned out to be rubbish when my husband and I went down to visit my son and handed the bottle of breast milk to a different lady and said “sorry that’s all I could do” only to be told that an entire bottle was like a days worth of feeds for a newborn. Honestly it was a horrific experience from start to finish. There were a handful of staff that were absolutely lovely and others who made me feel like I was the most horrific mother in the world for no reason.

I had my second baby at home with a wonderful relaxed labour no pain relief and afterwards I used my own shower slept in my own bed and the next morning got to sit on my own sofa to receive visitors.

Sorry for rant.

I’ve been in hospital with really noisy people on the ward and it’s horrible when you can’t escape and are stuck with them. Yanbu

Hugs to you jessibuni

You're in the best place for checking out the baby's latching on, once that is sorted you probably don't need to be there any more.

Ha! Never got any decent BF support even in so called 'baby friendly' hospitals. These hot, over-crowded wards where they want you to lay in the open with curtains open nearly naked and bleeding are about the worst place a new mum can sort out BFing.

Like another poster, I learned this the hard way. Gave in and gave DD1 a bottle of formula just to GET OUT of there. Went home, rang the NCT and got BF sorted. When it came to the other two, I brought bottles in so I could leave and be able to have privacy to work on latching.

The present set up and allowing men who are strange to other women in effect doubling the occupancy of the space and expecting the women to sort out feeding with their baps out in front of everyone (SO many of these places are 'curtains open so we can see you' and staff whipping the curtains open without any warning) is probably a large reason BF rates are so low.

God I had the same. Woman on the same ward wouldn"t shut up. When the want visitors she would be on the phone. Begged the doctor to just discharge
me because I wasn't getting any rest.

OK, my comment about latching on being checked out is very specifically because my DGC wasn't latching on properly and was diagnosed at about a week old with tongue tie. This was treated, but by that time breastfeeding had been such a trial and a worry that my DiL had started formula feeding. I agree that support for breastfeeding on most wards is pretty hit and miss.

DH was only allowed to visit 6-8pm after he’d been to work. Saved his paternity leave until we got home.

I think if you can’t copy without the additional support then you need to pay for an additional room:

Honestly, after giving birth I didn’t really care what anyone else thought

^ this is why the wards are so awful- full of people who don’t give a flying monkeys about others. Is that how you were raised?

The thing is that you shouldn't need the fathers to be there to look after you and the baby. I know it's nice for the father to do that and I think there should be good visiting times, but the woman and baby are the patients and the staff should be taking care of them.

This doesn't happen anywhere else in the hospital, where partners have to be there just to carry out staffing duties.

And yes you might like to have your own partner there but if it's a shared ward I don't think you should be able to do that. It's not fair that when women are at their most vulnerable they should have to cope with half a dozen strange men on the ward.

I knew my son had tongue tie, having BFd two other children, but at the hospital they just fobbed me off. Home midwife was like, 'Yep, he has a tongue tie'. Those wards are dire.

I feel your pain. I had to stay in longer due to a few minor problems. There were 2 beds to a room when I had my second and the lady beside me was lovely but her partner snored REALLY loudly. I remained awake for the entire night they were there! The midwife/hca/nurse came to the room during the night and closed the door! I was tired and tearful and felt sick the next day. They admitted to me that they closed the door because he was keeping the other women awake and they had no where to move me!! He then got annoyed because he wasn't allowed to shower in our shared bathroom!! To this day I still feel angry when I think about that awful night hobbling about, after a c section and trying to maintain some dignity.

I had my baby a few weeks ago and partners and patients own children didn’t have set hours and were allowed 24/7 it was awful! There were people talking all night without a care for sleeping babies/mothers.

Have you been discharged yet OP? if not and latch is still the issue, we used nipple shields and she latched okay, and they let me express a bit into a tiny cup and let her sip it.

I was in a ward with a woman who just had twins. She ignored them totally and they screamed all the time.
Husband came with 2 other children who ran around screaming.
He had 2 mobiles on the go and was having shouty conversations on both of them for hours.He never looked at babies or his wife.
I was then told off for getting my phone out to text DH.

I asked to go home, I was meant to stay in but could not cope.

Complain each and every time they’re noisy, in too early/late etc. I really wish I’d done that, instead I just sobbed my eyes out in my corner whilst being ignored. I did eventually write to the hospital to complain about that (and many other things about maternity unit!) once I felt stronger and I’ve noticed they’ve reduced the visiting hours since I complained! They will only change it if enough people complain though and there’s an awful lot asking for partners to be allowed in 24/7!

Postnatal is a terrible place to recover from birth. I was in for three nights after the birth and saw and heard so many awful, inconsiderate visitors come and go - mostly unnecessary as most women were there less that 24 hours so the visitors could easily have waited until they got home. We had children running around, Frozen played repeatedly on an iPad. Men lounging around on the beds doing nothing to help their partners. Hospital staff struggling to get round to everyone because there were so many people in the way. Smelly takeaways being brought in... Visiting was officially 8am - 10pm but people stayed either side of that too. Meanwhile, because of the limitations of the bus timetable, my DH could only be there for two hours a day!

Can’t be good for newborns with all these randoms bringing in god knows what!

So, my thoughts on what should be happening.

We should have individual rooms, or two to a room at worst. Many additional midwives, to ensure proper care of new mums and babies.

Fathers should not be on the ward overnight (fine in individual rooms).

Cost will always be an issue. I'd suggest cutting the number of very senior managers, I've yet to find one who does much more than sign a few letters and attend a few meetings.

For stitches,I got some witch hazel at Boots and put it on a maternity pad, it was really refreshing and helped to prevent infection. Do check that the one you buy has no alcohol!!! There are some with and some without. For obvious reasons, find the one without! Also, I had shallow baths with warm water and salt, this also helped to prevent infection and was quite nice. I had an infection for weeks after my first, really not fun, so the midwife gave me lots of tips for my second. With the first the nurse didn't dare to stitch up and waited for the doctor and put local anesthesia, definitely not fun! That said, they did a good job because you cannot really tell and didn't rip again with the second!

On leaving, I was out within 24h. I was one of those who wanted DH glued to me, so I said that I wanted to go home and insisted every time they showed up. With first I gave birth in the early hours of the morning and was out in the evening. With the second I gave birth after lunch and was out at around midnight. Neither latched well but told them I would refer myself to the breastfeeding support. I was quite lucky with the wait, though. I only shared a room for a few hours with my first and none with my second, as they left me waiting in the delivery room (bathtub room).

Poor you. I was practically pumping a blood transfusion in my arm to get off the ward after dd.

I will say that I eventually learnt to latch dd using YouTube (I recommend the fact that you can keep looking till you find a video you get on with rather than one person relentlessly explaining in a way you’re just not getting on with) and nobody seemed bothered about the fact I couldn’t lath her without help when I was discharged.. I didn’t mind her having formula top ups off them though in a syringe or little cup (still breast fed for two years). The community midwife will be able to advise you on support once you’re home too.

Purplegeko . Got out last night but midwife today said looks like baby might have jaundice so might have to go back. I'm really stressing x

If it makes you feel any better I had a two night stay in hospital when having my daughter and didn’t sleep a wink as it was too noisy, ok hot and my DD did not want o be put down. I was seeing stars when I got home. My LG was also jaundice, feed, feed, feed and lots of natural light if you can.

Complain to the staff. What is the point of having visiting hours if folk ignore them and get away doing so. Tell staff what would they do if half a dozen visitors turned at at 6 am and made so much noise or the same at the end of the day. My DH worked shifts when DC were born. No allowance made for him not being able to fit into visiting hours. It's the hospital's responsibility not yours to sort out.

We were readmitted on day 5 (discharged originally on day 3) and I was horrified, nearly hysterical at the thought of going back to that awful place, but we were readmitted to SCBU, which was part of postnatal ward but at the far end away from the hellish part. It had much more restricted visiting and kind and compassionate staff who really cared about what they were doing (my baby had been made seriously ill by several MWs ignoring my concerns about breastfeeding not working and by day 5 she was seriously ill with dehydration as my milk hadn’t come in). I shared a room there with only one other mum and baby. It was SO much better than postnatal! I hope it’s the same for you if you do get readmitted - SCBU was full of babies readmitted with feeding problems and/or jaundice! The staff there would also look after your baby whilst you went to the loo or had a shower which made it a lot easier than having to take the baby with you all the time!