Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to be annoyed by hospital visitors.

183 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 06:39

Had a baby two days ago and still here. Partners/named visitors are allowed 9-9 others 3-7. Lady in same ward had partner here till 10:30 last night and they came back at 6am today . I wouldn't mind but they don't shut up and I was trying to take a nap after getting baby to sleep. The midwife even said "oooh your back early" but didn't tell them to bog off. What's the point of having visiting hours!

OP posts:
Funnyface1 · 14/04/2019 08:05

*receiving

1sttimeunicorn · 14/04/2019 08:09

This happened to someone in my NCT group - she was in for about a week with her first DC. I think if you are very strong about going home, they do send you home provided you are assertive about plans for feeding. I mix fed my DS, and I think because I had a plan that clearly made sense to me, and kept saying 'I'm going home today.' They sent me home. It was the day after I had him, but I think maybe they were influenced by the fact I had been in for a long induction prior to his arrival. I would just keep saying 'I'm going home today' to everyone who comes to your bed.

Ginger1982 · 14/04/2019 08:11

You have to take your baby to the loo?? Wow! We had to leave ours on the ward to go and have breakfast!

HoneysuckIejasmine · 14/04/2019 08:12

I got discharged quite quickly once I burst in to tears on the midwife because the ward was so awful. The evening I arrived I had to ask them why I was still there because no-one has said a word to me in 6 hours. "For monitoring", I was told. I pointed out that it hadn't happened and they looked a bit embarrassed and turned up with the equipment. Overnight was awful - phone conversations, partners still there... Horrid. I'd had antenatal mental health issues and I just couldn't take it.

As I say, after I broke down they managed to get me discharged within a few hours.

ForalltheSaints · 14/04/2019 08:13

YANBU. Other mum's partner will not have had much sleep so is a potential danger to other road users if driving, through tiredness. Worth complaining.

Clownfish123 · 14/04/2019 08:19

I cant believe some people are questioning why husbands want to he there the whole time 'don't they have things to do?' Hmm It almost sounds like jealousy. My dh stayed with me almost non-stop after my baby was born. I was terrified of him leaving me to be honest. Awful birth, third degree tear plus 2 other tears. I was in pain and scared, couldn't stand without assistance. The midwives and nurses were fairly useless, they were busy and I found them quite cold and uncaring. Theres no way I wanted to be left overnight and I was stuck there for 3 nights in a busy ward in 25 degrees, it was a living hell. Plus my baby cried so much and needed constant walking around.
Obviously they should keep the noise down, that's just common decency, but they should be allowed to support as much or as little as they see fit.

Serin · 14/04/2019 08:23

sauvignonblancplc
And yet even after your terrible experience with visiting males, you still think it's their right to visit all day??
OP, complain, he shouldnt be there at all, let alone being a nuisance and disturbing your rest. The staff are being lazy about enforcing their own rules. If there is a valid reason for him to be there they should find them a side room, if not they should bloody well find one for you.
Hoe you and your new baby get home soon.

eurochick · 14/04/2019 08:23

You're not a nervous first timer so in your shoes I'd be off. Get bfing support at home if you need it.

Jent13c · 14/04/2019 08:24

I had to stay 2 nights due to severe tear. The first night was lovely, everything went well and during the day the other ladies were lovely. Then in the afternoon a 16 year old girl with her social worker came in, had c section and brought back up with baby. Boyfriend and social worker were in until late and night and then she was on the phone every 20 minutes through the night updating everyone on how she was, what the baby was up to. As soon as she had function in her legs she was out for a fag hourly leaving the baby to scream on the ward everytime. I left the next day.

jaseyraex · 14/04/2019 08:29

DH was with me almost 24/7 when I had DS1. Two nights on the ward as I was unable to get out of bed and then a week in a private room. His time was mainly spent dozing in the chair next to me and going back and forth to NICU. It's fine for partners to be there as much as necessary imo, as long as they're respectful of the rest of the ward.
I think you could complain but, given the reaction of the midwife, I doubt much would be done. I'd discharge myself if I were you. You can access support for BF when you're at home.

CantWaitForSpring1 · 14/04/2019 08:43

@thehop Same here. I had a nice c-section ward where there were two other ladies around my age. All respectful and quiet for night one. Then a 17 year old got wheeled in with boyfriend in tow and the rest of my stay was awful. Talking swearing loudly with/at him and if he wasn’t there, updating the world about the baby via her phone. She also made the biggest and loudest fuss, moaning endlessly about being in pain, constantly pressing her buzzer, getting help from midwives to do everything. “Don’t they know I’ve had a c-section?!” she would bellow to whatever visitor she had that moment. If I had felt my normal self I’d have been tempted to yell “all four of us in here have had c-sections you moron!” but I didn’t, much to my eternal regret!

LetsDoThisAgain · 14/04/2019 08:53

Other people's visitors are annoying AF even within hours. I'll never forget the woman who had her 2 horribly behaved and Clearly ill children for hoyrs and hours in a room full of pregnant women all with complications with their pregnancies.

Original poster
MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 09:04

Ginger1982 you had to leave them for breakfast?? We are not allowed to leave them yet at home I wont be carrying her to the loo it she's asleep and I need a speed wee. I remember with my first I had to wheel him to the toilet in his hospital cot in the middle of the night and I accidently banged the cot into the wall due to lack of sleep. He was not impressed at being woken up

OP posts:
WhyTho · 14/04/2019 09:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Chocolatecake12 · 14/04/2019 09:18

You’re not a first time mum. Get dressed and packed, get yourself to the midwives desk and tell them you’re leaving and you want your discharge paperwork.
It sounds like you will get better rest at home and better one to one when the midwife visits you at home where she can help you breast feed.
You will also be more relaxed in your own environment which will help with feeding too.
I’m surprised you’re still there!
Congratulations on your new baby.

Ohhellothereladyface · 14/04/2019 09:23

I thought I was the only one who found the heat of the ward unbearable!!!!
Also just to add my 2p’s worth, when I had DD there was a very young couple in the cubicle opposite us, he was FaceTiming his mate at 2am (loudly) and then started rowing (very loudly) with his girlfriend (who had just given birth) and stormed out swearing. The midwives didn’t say a word.

SnuggyBuggy · 14/04/2019 09:24

It's well and good wanting your own partner day and night for support but it puts the women who don't have a chaperone in a difficult situation if they need to be in nightclothes

Ginger1982 · 14/04/2019 09:25

Yes, the breakfast room was down the hall and we had to leave babies in the ward to eat any meals. It was ok for lunch and dinner as DH was there to sit with DS but I generally skipped breakfast as I didn't want to leave him. There were no visitors over breakfast so I wasn't worried about anyone taking him or anything but I just didn't like it.

PanamaPattie · 14/04/2019 09:29

Just get up and go home. The MW can’t stop you. It’s not prison. You’ll soon feel much better.

sauvignonblancplz · 14/04/2019 09:35

@Serin Yes because one quiet well behaved partner who is courteous and discrete is not an entourage Confused
I agree with @Clownfish123 I genuinely don’t understand why partners shouldn’t be allowed! It’s their baby too and their partner has just given birth - she might like the support.

IntoValhalla · 14/04/2019 09:36

Ohhellothereladyface my friend works in my local hospital and told me that the heating on the maternity wards is usually on all year round Confused Obviously it’s important to help newborns keep their body temp regulated when they’ve just exited an environment that’s at a constant 37 degrees, but I gave birth to my first at the end of April. It was unseasonably hot that year and the postnatal ward and the delivery room were both like fucking saunas 🤢

Perty01234 · 14/04/2019 09:42

I left my DC for a shower and to go to the toilet in the middle of the night, id had a spinal and the catherter had just been taken out so I felt free! Midwives said they’d keep an eye on him so used the shower at the end of the corridor. Made me feel human again!

Ohhellothereladyface · 14/04/2019 09:45

DD was born in June and I remember being a sweaty, tired, painful mess on that ward! Felt like I was in the bloody Sahara!!!!

MumofTinies · 14/04/2019 09:46

Why are people suggesting that the OP discharge herself as a solution to this problem? If you are getting good quality breastfeeding support stay OP, it's much harder to get support once you have been discharged. OP is the patient, this visitor is not, he can support his partner while being respectful to other patients.

DennisSkinnersMolotov · 14/04/2019 09:48

When I had DS I had the same excuse about no paediatrician available (it was Good Friday). I was the only one on the ward but it was still awful, HCA smelling of smoke bundling DS onto my breast to feed, they 'forgot' to empty my catheter bag so it leaked all over the floor, 'forgot' to tell me about breakfast... Awful.

After 6 hours waiting that morning (I'd been in overnight) I asked them where the children's ward was as I was going to find a paediatrician myself. I was discharged within the hour.

Swipe left for the next trending thread