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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to be annoyed by hospital visitors.

183 replies

MRSMARMITE3 · 14/04/2019 06:39

Had a baby two days ago and still here. Partners/named visitors are allowed 9-9 others 3-7. Lady in same ward had partner here till 10:30 last night and they came back at 6am today . I wouldn't mind but they don't shut up and I was trying to take a nap after getting baby to sleep. The midwife even said "oooh your back early" but didn't tell them to bog off. What's the point of having visiting hours!

OP posts:
reallybadidea · 14/04/2019 09:49

@Ginger1982

Was that the QMC in Nottingham or is there more than one hospital with ridiculous arrangements for getting food on the postnatal ward?

MrsT1983 · 14/04/2019 10:00

When DS was born, there was a woman across from me whose partner was there all day, from 8am until late at night. I was trying to establish breast feeding and was struggling but the midwives wouldn’t let me keep the curtains shut- every time I closed them for some privacy, they ripped them open again! So I had to sit with my boobs out with someone else’s husband facing me all day, it was awful. Also couldn’t get anyone to take my cannula out despite asking for hours, threatened to take it out myself and they did it in the end. Ended up discharging myself after 20hours as I just couldn’t stand being there overnight, they kept saying there was no one to discharge me but they found someone pretty quick once I threatened to just walk out. Bloody awful places.

WhyTho · 14/04/2019 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wantmyflipflops · 14/04/2019 10:10

Eurgh my daughter was born at the beginning of Jan and this thread had reminded me of how awful my 2 night stay was. The dad in the cubicle next to us talked non stop and would complain about not being fed. We would hear him telling the woman what to order. He also left her one night and she called him desperate for formula. He refused to come back out so she burst in to tears and I went and gave her some pre-prep bottles and a hug. He was a twat.

I think I got about 2 hours sleep a night and my baby was sleeping for 4 hours between feeds. The midwives ignored my request for pain relief saying I was on the list. Change over happened and i was chastised by the next midwife for not asking for drugs. I kicked off and said I'd asked 6 times in the last 3 hours.

Finally had enough and requested my drain was removed. Showered, packed and forced a discharge. I slept and rested so much better at home.

Sweetpotatoaddict · 14/04/2019 10:18

There’s a lovely single room hospital built in Glasgow, but the old maternity block has been kept with its 4 bedded rooms, which are far too small and not fit for purpose in my opinion.
You also had to leave your baby behind to get your meals. Thankfully the staff were VERY strict on visiting times and making partners queue outside until the right time.
I wonder if we provided proper post natal care and support whether we would see postnatal depression rates decrease and breastfeeding rates increase.

Mascarponeandwine · 14/04/2019 10:25

They are correct that you can’t “just go back”, the only way back is via gp referral or via a&e. You can phone for advice but they won’t directly readmit you.

Nanny0gg · 14/04/2019 10:32

Thank the Lord I'm old, and when I had my DC visiting was severely restricted so new mothers could rest! (in fact, every afternoon we were made to!)

fairgame84 · 14/04/2019 10:40

They are correct that you can’t “just go back”, the only way back is via gp referral or via a&e. You can phone for advice but they won’t directly readmit you.

Also if the issue is with baby not latching/feeding they may send you to the childrens ward instead of postnatal if you have to go back. They don't readmit babies to the maternity wards in the trust where I work.

Bookworm4 · 14/04/2019 10:43

Visitors/partners for 16 hrs a day is ridiculous. Will he be sitting by your side at home every minute of the day?

Lllot5 · 14/04/2019 10:44

I’m old too and think we had couple hours in afternoon another couple in the evening. Lights out and sleep mobile phones hadn’t been invented so no talking and texting all night. They even took the babies to the nursery for first couple of nights!

ThePlaceToVent · 14/04/2019 10:47

This is why I had babies 2 and 3 at home.

Discharge yourself.

ememem84 · 14/04/2019 10:47

I told the midwives i was leaving on day 2 after having And asked for the discharge paperwork. Same as a previous poster funnily enough ds got his checks done fairly swiftly.

Dh also brought me McDonald’s. As the food was rank. I know nutritionally McDonald’s probably is worse. But sometimes a dirty cheeseburger and nuggets is necessary. 👍🏻😀 (admittedly I had a private room so no issues with it stinking the ward out...)

pudcat · 14/04/2019 10:48

Same here NannyOgg. Having a baby these days sounds horrendous.

Clownfish123 · 14/04/2019 10:48

Yes after having had multiple tears including one that practically split me from vagina to anus, with deep internal stitches, I would expect my partner to be with me and the baby 16 hours a day until I could move and pick up the baby myself. Why on earth shouldn't a father take responsibility for his baby in this situation?

diz29 · 14/04/2019 10:49

As a midwife reading this is utterly heartbreaking and goes against everything we try and strive for. We try SO hard to give every woman the care they deserve but with limited resources waaaayyyy out of our control we fail on a daily basis. When you are trying to look after up to 15-20 mums and babies many of which are on antibiotics and are high risk and there is only two people it is so hard. Mental health problem, safeguarding, high risk complications, they all add to the workload. I’m not making excuses for poor care but trying to let you know why it happens.
Breast feeding support is tough, we would LOVE to sit and spend time with mums perfecting the latch, giving support in positioning and attachment, doing feeding plans etc but we can’t as it takes the time away from someone who needs urgent care.

Yesterday I done a 12.5 shift, I went to the toilet once, I had no break and would not have eaten if I had not packed a packet of crisps in my bag before I left for work. I got home 14 hours after I left and cried on my sofa when I realised I forgot to take someone’s cannula out as they requested.

Please if you experience bad care, disturbances, or lack of empathy contact PALS, ask them to come to the ward and see it for themselves. We don’t deserve to be bashed, we need change so we can do our jobs, we WANT to be “with woman” not tied to our computer furiously documenting defensively in case someone dies because we have not got the resources available.

From a midwife to a mother please be assured we are as angry as you about the inconsiderate patients, the partners who walk around in their pants and the baby grabby “visitors” but there is literally nothing we can do.

MyDcAreMarvel · 14/04/2019 10:57

I don’t understand theleaving your baby for breakfast? It’s a hospital, I always had meals brought to my bed in postnatal wards. Why would you not?

PBobs · 14/04/2019 11:01

This is why DH and I are forking out for a private room in our hospital. He'll be there 24-7 for 3 days so we wanted to make sure that was possible and we didn't disturb anyone else on the ward. I wouldn't want to be imposed on so I'm not imposing myself on others.

reallybadidea · 14/04/2019 11:23

@MyDcAreMarvel

Because in some maternity units, meals are only brought to the mum's bed if there is a reason why they can't go to get it from the day room. Eg if they've had a C-section, epidural wearing off etc. Everyone else is expected to get it for themselves. In at least one place I know of, the day room is not on the ward itself and you're not allowed to take the baby off the ward (the alarm will go off, risk of spilling hot food on them etc). So if you don't have anyone to watch the baby, you have a choice of either asking a stranger to watch them, leaving them on their own or going hungry. Shit huh?

PumpkinPie2016 · 14/04/2019 11:24

This thread brings back hideous memories of my postnatal stay after having ds by c-section.

Little to no contact with the midwives on the ward, when midwives were talking to eachother, they simply referred to patients as bed numbers e.g. 7C needs some milk for the baby!

The lack of care I received was appalling and bordering on dangerous! They forgot the first nights clexane (to prevent blood clots) and gave me a piece of equipment to help me pull myself up which was totally inappropriate for someone who has had abdominal surgery.

No support with getting up to shower even though I almost passed out in the shower. Luckily, DH was there and located a plastic chair and carried it to the cubicle.

DS was born early hours Wed morning and we went home, at my insistance on Fri afternoon. He had been seen by peadiatrician though - that was about the only thing they managed to do right.

I'd go home OP - at least you'll have support and be comfortable at home.

Siameasy · 14/04/2019 11:30

Post natal was awful - the staff were so bad tempered, I assume because they were so short staffed. The last thing you need when you’re in that post childbirth confusion shambles state

Ginger1982 · 14/04/2019 11:40

MyDCareMarvel I had had a section and was still expected to hobble along to get my meals and leave DS on his own. I got something brought to me once when I was too unwell to get out of bed but that was it!

LittleChristmasMouse · 14/04/2019 11:44

I discharged myself despite being told that I "had" to stay for a blood transfusion!
It was awful on the ward - no help, made to walk to the dayroom for all meals, despite feeling like death warmed up and in pain. First morning I had just got there only for an hca to come and tell me that baby was crying so to go back!!!!

That was it. At least at home someone would have brought me a drink, held baby while I went to the toilet etc.

These wards are a nightmare.

riotlady · 14/04/2019 11:47

I’m surprised by all the people who stayed for a few days and then discharged themselves- my midwives were desperate to kick me out 24 hours after my c section!

TwistinMyMelon · 14/04/2019 12:00

Just to defend the paediatricians, I have been a paediatric SHO, and we don't just leave baby checks waiting for the fun of it. Often you are the only doctor looking after all the children in the hospital including the peads ward, high dependency unit, SCBU and A&E - and attending high risk deliveries.The reason why they have not come to do your baby check is often because they are tending to a sick child in another part of the hospital. In our hospital the midwives could do the baby checks but they often refused because it was "our job". Then they would magically do them if we genuinely couldn't come and they needed beds.

Also if an actual peadatrician magically appeared, it's probably because the squeaky wheel is getting the oil - I.e. you have jumped the queue and someone else who has been waiting longer than you has been bumped down the list and now needs to wait even longer. Trust me I used to work as fast as I could but had to prioritise my workload due to clinical need. Just to offer a different perspective...

However I do know what it's like. Two nights after my CS was enough for me and I couldn't wait to go home so I do sympathise...

SweetMarmalade · 14/04/2019 12:02

I still get emotional thinking about the awful post natal Ward I got wheeled into after having Ds.

It was hell on Earth with no support, one midwife in particular was vile.

From the cocoon of giving birth with the lovely midwives to the hellhole Ward. I wish I’d had some warning, it was a total shock.

If it was now and with the ease of knowing how to complain I’d be making the biggest fuss possible so that no one else had to endure what I went through. It wasn’t as if I had to suffer inconsiderate visitors really.

Sorry for the rant. 12 years later and it still makes me feel incredibly sad/angry.