Aibu to be annoyed by hospital visitors.

[MRSMARMITE3]

Had a baby two days ago and still here. Partners/named visitors are allowed 9-9 others 3-7. Lady in same ward had partner here till 10:30 last night and they came back at 6am today . I wouldn't mind but they don't shut up and I was trying to take a nap after getting baby to sleep. The midwife even said "oooh your back early" but didn't tell them to bog off. What's the point of having visiting hours!

I should also add the paediatricians and midwives who were on the ward when I had ds were amazing. So kind and supportive and stretched to the max.

Hospitals are terrible, I discharged myself after 12 hours as there was nothing edible for breakfast. The community midwife helped me with breastfeeding.

After having three children I blame the midwives for the terrible are provided for mothers.
Unfortunately on none of these occasions were the majority rushed off their feet.
There was always a couple who didn’t lift their head for being busy but the majority ....
@TwistinMyMelon what you say is illuminating and I believe to be far more the case.

When I was in hospital having DS2 last year, I was on the ward from hell.. 10-10 visiting hours, other people's kids everywhere including in my cubicle looking through my bags whilst I was still in bed with a catheter in, curtain left open whilst I was trying to breast feed a baby with no suckle reflex, one chap turned up at 8am with 4 kids, and left to go to work leaving the 4 really disruptive kids under the care of the mother in the bed opposite, running about screaming. Worst 48 hours of my life. The woman diagonally opposite "reported" me to the midwife when my baby cried in the night and woke her baby up, but it was ok for her to watch the avengers movie really loud without headphones. I'm not even exaggerating it was hell.

@sauvignonblancplz thanks. We do try our beat as Doctors honestly! I can see both sides though as I had two hellish nights when I had my dd - she was really u settled and cried all night and I had minimal help from midwives despite having had a section. I just wanted to be home where dp could help me and I could sleep without having to be disturbed for obs every 5 minutes. At one point I was just going to sleep, I had just switched off the light and the midwife came in and switched it back on again as they had to keep an eye on me! My BP was low but it was always low even in pregnancy. My booking BP was 84/54! I know how hard it is being an hcp though, so it is difficult for me to be too damning!

I'm lucky in that our reasonably new maternity unit is ensuite single rooms.
When I had dd 12 yrs ago the ward I was assigned too was full.so I was with unfamiliar midwives. They were rushed off their feet and we had most of our checks done by students who were lovely. For the birth I had agreed to have two student midwives following me.
Dh was told he could sleep in a chair but wasn't really encouraged to stay. Visiting times were strict.
Dd struggled to latch and the midwife asked permission to touch my boob and help. Apparently she was being sued for helping another lady who was struggling, for touching her.
We had to wait six hours to be discharged but that because the only paediatrician was with a very sick baby on scbu.
Overall you needed double the staff and there were issues but they did their very best with what they had.
If you feel able to discharge yourself I would . Only if it's safe too.
I doubt the situation will improve anytime soon.

At my hospital partners are allowed 24 hours but have to sign a list of conditions for them being there. Other visitors are heavily restricted.

With my first, we were in for ages as struggling with breast feeding. We had contradictory advice, bitchy midwives etc. I found the lack of care very hard and was desperate to leave. With my second we knew what we were doing...

After a sleepless night with my baby struggling to feed (again) and fuck all help, I knew I didn’t want to be stuck for a week again. As soon as the shift changed on the day after my baby was born we went to the desk and asked what needed to happen before we could be discharged. They needed to see two wees, the baby being fed and the paediatrician check. We said we were formula feeding as I couldn’t bear to be in for days like last time but it still took 6 hours before we managed to get that done and that was with us being super proactive about getting out.

Even if the care is good (which in lots of cases it isn’t!) post natal is hellish due to being surrounded by other screaming new borns. Once you add in bad or indifferent care it just becomes a shite place to be. I’m sure post natal care in this country contributes to low breastfeeding rates.

@twistin - I know the doctors are prioritising based on clinical need but I also think it is massively inefficient for people to be staying extra nights in hospital because no one gets around to discharging them. It is expensive, uses up the time of nurses and midwives, and the patients are miserable because they want to go home.

I have spent more time than I would like at our hospital and my experience and observation is that if you don't kick up a fuss about getting discharged, you genuinely might end up living there.

Someone needs to organise the workload or shifts or whatever so that some doctors' time every day is specifically devoted to getting discharge stuff done.

This is why I discharged myself from the hosp after having DD

I'm sorry others have had a shit time too. Tempted to go discharge myself. Random related question to having a baby. Any tips on stitches? They hurt like a bitch and all I've been told is they will dissolve

I totally agree. I went home 24 hours after c section as I was going crazy

MRSMARMITE The best advice I ever received re: stitches:

• either run a shallow bath every time you need a wee and either pee in the bath (dulls the sting) or take a squeeze bottle of tepid water to the loo with you and pour it over your bits as you pee.
• Sit on the toilet normally, but then place your palms on the floor by your feet - looks horrendous, but it makes your pee run backwards and directly onto the porcelain rather than down and over your sore bits/stitches (this was absolute bliss for me!)
• For number 2’s, try holding a clean sanitary pad against the stitches area while you “go”. It makes it all feel a bit more “secure”, and a lot less like your intestines are going to fall out
• I’m pretty sure you can now take ibuprofen while breastfeeding, so alternate with paracetamol if the pain is really giving you grief.
• Bath soaks containing arnica are really good for reducing swelling and bruising

Bringing back terrible memories of when I had DS ten years ago OP. And why are Postnatal wards always so bloody hot?
I had DS very early and so had to stay in for a week, had already been in a week and a half as my waters broke so was thoroughly pissed off by the time I had him.
We had a lady who had about ten visitors a day, they never naffed off when told, staying well over visitor hours. Made me mad as the MW were so soft on them all and the cow and her visitors were so rude about them the minute their backs were turned. Whereas DH stayed ten minutes over one evening as he had had to change DD who then got very upset at leaving me again (she was only 16 months old), the same bloody two MWs were rude as hell to him and shouted he had to leave now or else he couldn't come back again. Another lady on our ward had her mum smuggle us in some take away- the food was horrific so we were starving, and the same pair were abusive about it because the rule breaker grassed her up.
We cheered when she went home, I can tell you.
Its crap to hear nothing has changed ten years on. I would do as someone suggested and ask to discharge yourself, you'll soon see the neonatal consultant then.

@mrsmarmite to add to the above tips for stitches:
Lactulose is good for softening number twos making them easier to pass, YY to the tip above with holding a pad there, it really helps.
Witch hazel on the pad, in the fridge, very cooling and healing.
Witch hazel and lavender oil in the bath too.
Get the thickest fattest pads, in the end I wore Tena lady nappy style things, looked awful but were so comfy.
there is a stronger painkiller called diclofenic or something that will really help if normal painkillers aren’t touching it.

I’m due dc2 in july. Have made sure to put on my notes that I want to be out ASAP (providing no complications or actual medical need to stay) as I felt so anxious last time.

I know here if it’s a straightforward birth of dc2 they like you to be out as soon as poss. So fingers crossed.

I felt I started to recover quicker at home, felt safer (although didn’t feel unsafe in hospital iyswim) and more relaxed.

Lavender oil in the bath helps with stitches. Also cloth wipes for when you need to go to the loo. Dh suggested this as I was fussing over whether loo paper would get all caught up. I was told to just pay dry with paper but didn’t feel clean. So damp cloth wipes (used flannels for this) worked.

"Someone needs to organise the workload or shifts or whatever so that some doctors' time every day is specifically devoted to getting discharge stuff done."

Yeah good luck with that! Shifts are infilled and there are not enough doctors to even safely cover acute care. Clinical need will always be a doctors priority, I am not going to leave a delivery or a sick child in SCBU, because someone wants to go home. Even management do their best. There are not enough doctors, and you have people far higher up to blame for that.

A far more efficient use of hcps is to train midwives to do baby checks - there is absolutely no need for it to be a doctor. Many hospitals have done this in fact - but as I mentioned before, in my experience many midwives will refuse to do them.

I still feel quite emotional when I think about the postnatal ward at Lewisham Hospital (yes, happy to name & shame). I had to stay in for two nights after my emergency C-section whilst DS2 was two floors up on NICU. Cue noisy visitors through the night, unsympathetic staff and at least two nurses asking me where my baby was!?!
Post-natal wards seem to run on this attitude that new mothers can't be 'indulged' and need to toughen up. It's like we're being punished at a time when we most need a bit of kindness.
I'd marched to keep that hospital open two years before, but would have happily torched the place when we finally left!

Postnatal wards are awful. I was in Bath which allows partners to stay but as I needed feeding support I was discharged after one night to the local freestanding birthing unit for postnatal care and they were amazing. Of course, they're closing it down. Fuckers.

When DD was born I was taken up the ward at around 10.15 pm , DP was pushing the crib on wheels and when we got to the ward he was told he had to leave.

I had an epidural, forceps and a ton of stichtes, I couldn’t move as the epidural hadn’t worn off, I was in blood stained clothes, DD was in a nappy and a towel, I really needed his help.

The midwifes pissed off as soon as I got there and the buzzer wasn’t connected. I really really could have done with DP’s help even just for 30 minutes, to clean up, get DD changed and some formula ready for her. As it was her crib wasn’t near me so if she cried I couldn’t get to her.

It was about 30 minutes till I got enough feeling back in 1 leg to hop around.

Sorry OP, now I've had a rant, let me post something useful. I found saltwater/tea tree oil baths best for stitches. Basically, the cleaner (and less sweaty) they were, the better they felt (not easy with maternity pads, I know). Also, take painkillers. Everything you're allowed. They'll start to ease, but give them time. And first poo? If it's been a few days maybe ask for some lactose?
To be honest, I'd get out of there, hospital just isn't a great place to recover and definitely not the place to be if the blues kick in.

I get why you’re annoyed, but she might have had a really traumatic birth and needs the extra support. I think having just had a baby is one of the times I’d be a bit more lenient. Although they should be quiet and respect others on the ward, definitely!

Hopefully you’re not in much longer, and congrats on your lovely newborn!

What if op had a traumatic birth?

I hated hearing all the visitors in the postnatal ward. Some women had a lot of people there ALL DAY. The constant chatter really stressed me out when you're in such a fragile state.

Postnatal wards are horrible, and I say that as someone that works on one. Hopefully you don’t have to stay much longer.

When they say “can’t come back” they mean to that ward which they should explain better. If baby is readmitted for any reason the process is admit to the children’s ward not postnatal ward due to infection control.

The whole ward culture of post natal is the most misogynistic outdated shit around and then letting all these randoms stay all hours and overnight is actual punishment to a great many women. Most vulnerable time of a woman's life and she's stuck with no privacy at all, sharing an overheated, cramped place with screaming newborns and a load of strange men.