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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu thinking I can't carry on spending money I don't have

286 replies

Holidaylover · 02/04/2019 17:28

Hi everyone

Looking for tips and advice please. I'm a sahm at the moment and will be for a while yet. My husband works very hard and earns just enough to pay for everything for us but there's not really much left over for luxuries after bills.
He gives me a set amount each month (he can't give me more) out of which I need to buy food, petrol, my phone bill and anything else I want. This combined with child benefit works out I can spend £12.40 a day.

My problem is if I was at work I would be busy working all day so no need to spend on things plus id be earning too. But being a sahm I am not working, thus not earning. I have on average 31 long lonely days a month to fill but no money to do anything.

The money I have only covers the food, petrol and phone. There is zero left for anything else.

How can I spend my days without spending any money at all? Any tips? What do other stay at home parents do? I walk the dog. See relatives. Or stay home 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on socal media which is extremely boring and each day is like groundhog day.

If I met a friend for lunch or coffee that costs money I don't have.
If I go shopping I can't buy anything, and even if I didn't buy anything I'd have to pay parking.
If I go to a gym or swimming id have to pay membership. The list is endless.

It doesnt help as a couple of mum friends at school are very rich and don't work and are out every day getting pampered or having lunch or drinking champagne in spas.

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. Never had nails done or anything like that. Never spend on myself. It's all getting very depressing

OP posts:
CheekyChappy710 · 02/04/2019 17:30

Why do you have to be a SAHM? What's your situation? Could you use the time to retrain. Do courses online etc? Eat beans on toast for a month to pay for other stuff? How much are you spending in fuel if you dont go anywhere? Could you husband get a higher paid job? So much info but it'll help!

CheekyChappy710 · 02/04/2019 17:31

Can you cut back on other household bills? Extend your mortgage term temporarily to increase household available budget? Review energy, phone, TV, broadband Bill's? Go sim only?check you're claiming all relevant benefits?

Zoflorabore · 02/04/2019 17:33

Hi op I'm a SAHM too and my dc are at school ( years 3 and 11 ) and I have a chronic health condition.

I presume your dc are at school too?
Is there any other way of bringing any money in or are you unable to work? Absolutely no judgement here. That's the situation I'm in.

I use my time to recharge to be honest. MH is just as important as physical health. I read, clean lots, visit friends, go shopping ( but not excessively ) and am currently on a huge de-cluttering mission and after that I intend to make a start on decorating the house which will be a long process due to my limitations.

I am never bored and I don't watch the tele ever. I appreciate that not everyone is like me and I have a couple of friends who are in our boat and who are totally bored.

What do you enjoy doing?

PippilottaLongstocking · 02/04/2019 17:37

When I was a single mum on benefits (have since been a single, working mum and now in a long term relationship and a SAHM), after rent and bills had been paid I had less than £10 a day for food, phone, clothes, shoes, transport, activities. I managed it for years so it’s definitely possible!

PippilottaLongstocking · 02/04/2019 17:41

Sorry I appreciate that my comment isn’t exactly helpful, but i just wanted you to know that it can be done! Are you able to have a look at different phone companies and see what’s cheapest or are you tied to a contract? I chose to walk (1hr to the nearest town!) rather than get the bus, which saved a lot of money, but I appreciate that it’s not that straightforward for some people, and you might not enjoy walking like I do!

goingonabearhunt1 · 02/04/2019 17:41

Go to the library?

You can do free courses online (like on Future Learn etc.), which might lead to a new skills etc.

MynameisJune · 02/04/2019 17:42

How old are your DC that you can spend days reading or on SM? If they are at school can you not look for work?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/04/2019 17:43

I go for a long walk everyday with DS , we go to feed the ducks (stale bread) or to a different park and take some nuts for the very friendly squirrels. We live by the coast so can go to the beach etc too. I'm on mat leave and we're ok for money, and I'll be going back to a full time salary but I don't see the need to waste money every day. I don't think shopping with a DC is much fun, nor sitting around in cafes although we do go to a local chubby park that has a huge play area with a friend who has an older DS as well as a baby and will get coffee. We do swimming but got a good deal I pay £28 a month and that includes a lesson once a week and free swimming for DS and an accompanying adult any time so a good option when the weather is really really bad.

wigglypiggly · 02/04/2019 17:43

Whereabouts do you live, there are lots of free things to do. Look to see if hairdressers in your area have models session which is much cheaper. Parks, museums, library, local groups, walks, art galleries, doggy day groups, mum and toddler group. If you Google what's on in your area there will be things to do. Would you do any work from home, dog walking. What sort of things do you like to do. Can you I vote friends to your house for tea a d cake, have a baking party. You should be able to just pay as you go at the pool.

Jessgalinda · 02/04/2019 17:43

Why cant you work?

If you are bored and need more money, that's the solution

LannieDuck · 02/04/2019 17:43

Are you at home with kids, or literally sat at home by yourself? If the latter, start looking into ways to generate some income.

Ragwort · 02/04/2019 17:43

Volunteering? Shouldn’t cost you anything and you may be able to claim expenses.

I have done loads of volunteering over the years, I now work in the charity sector (recruiting volunteers Grin). Whatever your interests are you should be able to fins something that you enjoy.

DerelictWreck · 02/04/2019 17:45

£12.40 doesn't sound much but that's £350ish a month for petrol, food and luxuries?

That seems like enough unless you have an especially large family? Obviously it's not plenty but do you find yourself short, or just without luxuries?

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/04/2019 17:45

Oh sorry assumed you had a baby at home and wanted free things to do with the baby. There are gyms near me for around £10 a month, of you go a few times a week that's really good value. Can you get any kind of work? A friend of mine works for a travel agent from home on a laptop so she can still do school runs etc without wrap around care

Ragwort · 02/04/2019 17:45

Try and find a local college that does hair styling, beauty treatments etc for models, I always use them.

violetbunny · 02/04/2019 17:45

How much does your DH get to spend on himself each month?

DerelictWreck · 02/04/2019 17:45

Sorry, just realised that wasn't really what you were asking advice on!

Princessmushroom · 02/04/2019 17:52

Could you do some side hustles to
Make extra money? I do surveys, matched betting and mystery shopping to make extra money

Middlrm · 02/04/2019 17:54

there is an app called hoop that tells you what events are on ( family based ) and if free or not.

Is there playgroups that are free? We have one on a Wednesday where I live it’s just a voluntery contributions ( which I can walk to )

I have about £40 per month spare money ( to cover clothes / hair dresser / days out ) I admit I am rocking the mummy hair plait and I cut my own fringe and will make do with my wardrobe .. I allow the same budget for petrol ( fills the tank for the month ! To allow visits to relatives etc )

I am on maternity leave and when I go
Back to work with child care costs will be slightly worse of.

So I understand... if I meet some one for a coffee ( haven’t for over a month ) i go to weather spoons before 12:00 ... £1.30 gets me unlimited refills.

I do online shopping and meal plan which helps.

You should try nearly new sales for kids clothes and toys did one back in February and I came out with loads of bits for £37 ... including 2 toys as good as new that would have cost that on their own.

Save money there you may be able to afford a day out. X x

Middlrm · 02/04/2019 17:55

My £40 tends to go on bits for the baby ... he is just too cute for my own good 😂😂

SilverySurfer · 02/04/2019 17:55

I agree with others, if your DC are in school why don't you get a job?

TidyDancer · 02/04/2019 17:56

I think in your situation OP I would be looking for at least part time work. The amount you mention is not the least I've coped on tbh but it's not much fun.

Unless childcare would eat up wages, I'd be job hunting.

19lottie82 · 02/04/2019 17:57

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motortroll · 02/04/2019 17:59

@19lottie82 op doesn't actually say that her children are at home in the day so not actually stupid

19lottie82 · 02/04/2019 17:59

You say your funds only just cover your food, phone and petrol. Do you REALLY need a car? They’re not cheap when you consider petrol, tax, insurance, maintenance and parking!

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