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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu thinking I can't carry on spending money I don't have

286 replies

Holidaylover · 02/04/2019 17:28

Hi everyone

Looking for tips and advice please. I'm a sahm at the moment and will be for a while yet. My husband works very hard and earns just enough to pay for everything for us but there's not really much left over for luxuries after bills.
He gives me a set amount each month (he can't give me more) out of which I need to buy food, petrol, my phone bill and anything else I want. This combined with child benefit works out I can spend £12.40 a day.

My problem is if I was at work I would be busy working all day so no need to spend on things plus id be earning too. But being a sahm I am not working, thus not earning. I have on average 31 long lonely days a month to fill but no money to do anything.

The money I have only covers the food, petrol and phone. There is zero left for anything else.

How can I spend my days without spending any money at all? Any tips? What do other stay at home parents do? I walk the dog. See relatives. Or stay home 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on socal media which is extremely boring and each day is like groundhog day.

If I met a friend for lunch or coffee that costs money I don't have.
If I go shopping I can't buy anything, and even if I didn't buy anything I'd have to pay parking.
If I go to a gym or swimming id have to pay membership. The list is endless.

It doesnt help as a couple of mum friends at school are very rich and don't work and are out every day getting pampered or having lunch or drinking champagne in spas.

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. Never had nails done or anything like that. Never spend on myself. It's all getting very depressing

OP posts:
Babygrey7 · 02/04/2019 17:59

You did not say, but is there a reason for not working?

Waveysnail · 02/04/2019 18:00

Do you really need a car? That's a big expenditure for tax, insurance, petrol, mot?

randomchap · 02/04/2019 18:02

With you saying that you spend 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on social media, I'm assuming your children are school age?

You could try to find a job that fits around your children, or find a volunteer position.

Could you cut down on petrol by cycling or walking more?

jonsnowlowblow · 02/04/2019 18:03

Your OP leads so clearly into a 'why don't you work or volunteer?' response that I can't help but think there is more to this. Why did you not address why you don't work in your OP?

Waveysnail · 02/04/2019 18:04

I only about the car as iv been where you are. Giving up the second car was essential to have an extra money. I brought bus pass and ended up walking loads too. It meant I could go to the local play centre toddler group and have a coffee with friends. In fact used to go to toddler groups every day as church ones were only a £1. Toddler got a snack and I had coffee and a biscuit

Jessgalinda · 02/04/2019 18:04

What a fucking stupid answer.......... have you forgotten about CHILDCARE COSTS? Annoying enough they’re not always less than wages.

Actually after school club tends be cheaper than all day childcare.

Plus theres the option of working part time. School hours jobs can be difficult to get. But theres no harm in trying to look at what would work for the family.

ilovesooty · 02/04/2019 18:05

The OP says she'll be a SAHM for a while yet so presumably there's a reason for that.

catsmother · 02/04/2019 18:08

There's an ongoing thread called 'make £10 a day' or something like that, full of tips about how to make money from home. It probably won't make you mega bucks, and less so if you're not happy to try matched betting (I'm too scared to as I don't know enough about it) but it might be worth a read for all the other ideas.

Original poster
Holidaylover · 02/04/2019 18:10

Thanks for all of your responses.

Yes my children are at primary school. Daughter has just started. We have recently bought a puppy to keep me company which helps a little and gets me out walking.

I would only be able to earn minimum wage and do a very small amount of hour's which are very hard to come by but I am looking. Our biggest problem is childcare. Can't afford to cover the school holidays, don't have family to help and husband can't have time off very easily. So at the moment it's easier for me to stay at home.

My husband doesn't have any money for himself at all.

OP posts:
wigglypiggly · 02/04/2019 18:12

You can do my ironing if you likeGrin

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2019 18:12

This is impossible to really answer without knowing what your household costs are, and what your DH has to spend as well.

For instance, if you cannot earn more (because you have to SAH because of childcare) then you need to save on costs. But without knowing your household bills and income that's hard to say if you can or not.

Do you have access to all the finances? Do you know all the ins and outs of the budget? If you are not working, you could be the one to look for better deals etc.

On the other hand, sometimes there just isn't any spare cash and that's that.

JustHereForThePooStories · 02/04/2019 18:13

What a strange post. You’re a SAHM but don’t mentioned your kids. Surely there are loads of free/low cost thing to do with small children (assuming your kids aren’t yet school age and that’s why you’re not working)?

BirdieInTheHand · 02/04/2019 18:14

Without knowing why you are a SAHM it's hard to know what to advise but to answer your AIBU, of course you cannot spend money that you don't have long term.

At £12.40 a day it sounds like there's not much to save so the only answer is to earn.

MynameisJune · 02/04/2019 18:14

Do you have any skills you can use to work from home? Crafts etc, maybe advertise for dog walking in your area? Or even just letting people’s dogs out into their gardens for a toilet break during the day etc. What about gardening or cleaning for elderly people? My mil did this for years for the local elderly people. Didn’t charge a fortune but helped give her some spending money and she could do it around kids school.

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2019 18:16

So if you have school hours free, you could try to earn some money yourself within those hours - cleaning, ironing, admin from home, dog sitting/walking etc?

Original poster
Holidaylover · 02/04/2019 18:17

We manage fine for the essentials is just im finding it hard to fill each day without spending any money and it becomes very depressing when you can't do anything or go anywhere because literally everything costs money

OP posts:
Ragwort · 02/04/2019 18:18

A puppy seems an expensive luxury if you are on a tight budget Hmm. Why not walk neighbours’ dogs or help with the Cinamon Trust charity? Or do some paid dog walking?

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2019 18:19

Sometimes it is impossible to have 2 working partners when one person's job is odd hours/shifts/high pressure etc.

But sometimes it's just that it's been the status quo and the person with the "tricky to take time off" job just doesn't want to change things.

Long-term, your DC will be at school for a while now, so you need to have a plan to cover school holidays that allows you to work. Most people without family to cover this manage by juggling clubs and shifts and holidays with their partners. Presumably your DP can book holiday time in advance?

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 02/04/2019 18:20

How about care work OP? You can usually pick up shifts, including night shifts or weekends only which may fit better around your husband’s work hours. It will be hard for a few years but should give you some extra money.

wigglypiggly · 02/04/2019 18:20

If you're not fussed about money then maybe volunteering, interesting couple of hours a day, youd get out the house, meet new people, often get expenses like petrol and coffee paid for and you choose the hours.

user1457017537 · 02/04/2019 18:21

Can you not pick up some part time work in a coffee shop or something. You really cannot enjoy your life on so little money it’s a little bit soul destroying. Perhaps mind a child after school or a bit of babysitting of an evening when your DH is around.

Ragwort · 02/04/2019 18:21

There’s loads you can do without spending money, you just have to be resourceful, there’s lots of suggestions on this thread. What about volunteering? You could help at your DD’s school? Local organisations are crying out for volunteers, I work p/t but am also involved in six different volunteering organisations, and am always been asked to do more or join different things Grin.

AwkwardPaws27 · 02/04/2019 18:22

A few ideas (although personally I'd read my way through my local library Grin)

School lunchtime / playground assistant? It would only be an hour or so a day but would work well around your puppy and school run, and give you a couple of hundred pounds a month?

You could offer a dog-walking service - you might even strike lucky and get a term time only client if there's a teacher who needs a walker.

It might also be worth checking local care homes - some places need extra staff for an hour or so over mealtimes to assist.

What career do you want when you return to work? Could you volunteer in a related field to build up experience?

Tomtontom · 02/04/2019 18:22

How did you pay for the dog? Have you taken out pet insurance?

PineapplePatty · 02/04/2019 18:23

Getting a puppy was madness. The money for food, injections and insurance would have been handy pocket money.