Aibu thinking I can't carry on spending money I don't have

[Holidaylover]

Hi everyone

Looking for tips and advice please. I'm a sahm at the moment and will be for a while yet. My husband works very hard and earns just enough to pay for everything for us but there's not really much left over for luxuries after bills.
He gives me a set amount each month (he can't give me more) out of which I need to buy food, petrol, my phone bill and anything else I want. This combined with child benefit works out I can spend £12.40 a day.

My problem is if I was at work I would be busy working all day so no need to spend on things plus id be earning too. But being a sahm I am not working, thus not earning. I have on average 31 long lonely days a month to fill but no money to do anything.

The money I have only covers the food, petrol and phone. There is zero left for anything else.

How can I spend my days without spending any money at all? Any tips? What do other stay at home parents do? I walk the dog. See relatives. Or stay home 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on socal media which is extremely boring and each day is like groundhog day.

If I met a friend for lunch or coffee that costs money I don't have.
If I go shopping I can't buy anything, and even if I didn't buy anything I'd have to pay parking.
If I go to a gym or swimming id have to pay membership. The list is endless.

It doesnt help as a couple of mum friends at school are very rich and don't work and are out every day getting pampered or having lunch or drinking champagne in spas.

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. Never had nails done or anything like that. Never spend on myself. It's all getting very depressing

I do surveys, which fill in a large part of my day, plus most give cash or amazon vouchers, cash goes into my paypal and stays there till I need it for something (saving up for furniture) amazon I use for various different things plus I get my grocery shopping from them at the moment, as with the vouchers I can get a months worth of shopping for around £100

What education do you have? Adult Ed courses even short courses of something interesting to you would work - and can be very low cost depending on what you've done before - I'm not thinking university level. Read, write, visit museums, art galleries, parks, take up running, cook stuff whilst the kids are out so you don't have to do it whilst they're in. Sort things, sell things, buy things, sell things. Volunteer.

I don’t actually understand why you’re not working. Loads of the rest of us manage to find after school childcare and holiday clubs. If you and DH looked after the kids for four weeks each over the holidays and also had a shared holiday, you’d barely need to use holiday clubs.
If you don’t want to work that’s different, but you probably could work

Get fit - exercise dvds or park run
Walk dogs to lots of new and different places - join a dog walking group
Cook and make some amazing dinners
Book club
Read says books
Volunteer for local charities
Meet up with friends for lunch/coffee/ walk a couple of times a week
Get your house looking amazing
Gardening
Spring clean when children are at school
Make jams/marmalades/bread etc
Do your own spa treatments - nails, pedicures, facials
Write a book
Sports and hobbies
Build something
Redecorate

Enjoy this time! You are very lucky

I'm a SAHM to school age kids, largely because of the logistics of childcare - all decent childcare is full and I'm not prepared to dump the kids with anybody when we can just about manage on one salary.

How do I fill my days? I volunteer - I do a few random bits eg at kids' schools and local library, and two places I do regular volunteering, one of which is 2 days per week TTO. When I am ready to go back to work I know I will have good up to date professional references.

Secondly, I do all the DIY and gardening, we bought an old lady house and I'm gradually decorating.

On a lowish income any big purchase is analysed, I do cash back sites and a survey type site, I'm on a freebie review site through which I get random stuff sometimes and then write a review about it.

I'm a part time student as well studying about 20 hours a week.

I'm hoping to go back to work in January but it may not be doable for another year realistically. Being a SAHM was never the plan at all - I deliberately keep busy because sitting at home alone all the time would not be good for me. I am now busy all the time, I have possibly gone a little too far the other way!

I Ebay/Facebay/freecycle everything out grown too.

OP it is hard as it can be quite lonely and most adult things involve the idea you'll spend money, even if it's just a coffee. You could invite some of the friends you made with children round to your house once a fortnight. Especially if you have a common interest that will sustain your friendships past the children.

You might want to think about what work you want to do when you can work again and start making moves to be able to do that. I have a couple of friends who got seriously into gardening and one ended up turning that into a career once her kids were at secondary school.

I took a bunch of online courses with Coursera - some cost money but a lot are free - and then did a degree with the OU (student loans available if you haven't already got a degree). I volunteered at the school and a few other places, I found the loneliness the worst aspect of being a SAHM of school age kids and in person volunteering really helped. I also did a lot of baking, planned weekend trips and redecorated the house (that does cost money, but you might be able to find a way to upcycle stuff at little to no cost).

It sounds like you're too used to being busy and you enjoyed the downtime of having the kids at school at first, but now you're beginning to feel antsy. Most things we think of to do tend to have at the very least a small cost element, but you just have to get a bit creative, decide on what you really like about those things (the being arty, connection with people, being outdoors, etc.) and build off that.

It also sounds like any little bit of money you can make would have a big impact so do consider those 10 pounds a day schemes and the like. Also, possibly, child minding or dog walking would be ways to earn some money.

Honestly can't see why you don't work. You could get a small contract in a supermarket that would enable you to pick up extra hours in the evenings and weekends when your DH is home. Take in ironing, be a cleaner. Can't see the point of struggling for money when you're sat at home bored all day.

Can you not get a job of some description in a school term time only? I’m sure you could get a classroom assistants job with very little experience. A relative of mine left nursing (with adults) and got a classroom assistants job with zero work experience in that area, she just has 2 children who were 3/4 at the time. Or maybe a school office job if you have any office experience?

Do you have any qualifications? If you already have a degree you could do a pgce and get paid to train and become a high school teacher, holiday childcare would never be a worry.

If you like walking and dogs why not become a dog walker
My sil is a dog walker and charges around £10 an hour
She also offers in house dog sitting where she goes to the owners house to feed the dog and walk them twice a day if the owners are away for a few days

Read how to do everythig and be happy by peter jones. It will help you work out your own goals and next steps.

I think if neither of you have any spending money then you need to get a part time job during the day.

If I was your husband and we had no money left over at all and you spent your days pissing about 'enjoying the peace' and volunteering, I'd be quite angry tbh.

I feel your pain! Fortunately I can meet a friend once a week for coffee or lunch sometimes.

Check with your local hospital to see if they need volunteers in the NICU. It's a cuddle a baby service.

If no other health issues, start jogging, couch to 5k to get you going, three times a week. By the time the kids are out the door and I get my jog done, have a shower and breakfast, half the morning has flown by.

Volunteer at school? I was going weekly to cover an hour in the cafeteria. Cost me $20 a week in childcare though, but you won't have that issue.

Grow some veg etc from seeds. Should be cheap enough to get started and it will take up some time in the garden.

Do you live somewhere you can hike in the hills etc? Take a picnic lunch and the dog, and off you go.

I also second a PP suggestion of getting a night shift at the supermarket. My uncle does shelf stacking 3 nights a week to top up his pension. You'll feel a bit better if you have a bit of spare cash to be able to meet friends or go to a movie etc..

You're a broken boiler or washing machine away from really struggling. How do you pay fir school trips, extra curricular activities etc, birthdays, Xmas? I too think it's unfair on your dh. He might like to be able to actually enjoy some spending money, a holiday, new clothes, a night out. But he can't because you don't want to contribute financially to the family.

I would recommend going to college to get new qualifications (online if you can't get to a college), I did this and have ended up with a great career. I was a single mum so used after school and holiday clubs. Before my daughter was school age I worked as a nanny so I didn't need childcare (she came along with me as an after school nanny). Both things gave me the freedom and money to then enjoy my time inbetween.

Money free activities; Amazon digital/ Kindle free books/, running, de-cluttering, mumsnet!, cleaning, online courses, reading up/educating self on topics of interest, drawing/art, volunteering.

That's not fair hollow. It's hard to get back in the workforce after being out and the OP has had 10yrs. I've been out coming up 4 (bloody hell!) can't get an interview. I'm studying in the meantime, but you need $$$ if you haven't got access to student loans

Royal the op has said she doesn't want a job and doesn't want to earn money. Not a case of there not being work available there's been tonnes of suggestions

I'm in a similar position and get some disability benefits due to health...wonder if maybe similar also...anyway here are some ideas -
I can't do all of these at present but around and what would do if i could!-

I love swimming and have a pass paid for with my benefits, but sometimes GPs refer people if depressed for cheap sessions.

Local college needs people to practice aromatherapy massage, facials and haircuts on for very cheap. Nice to do and helping the students also

I help advise and support on Mind website Elefriends which is to support people with mental health problems

Community allotment - organic gardening, free to join and get some organic veg to take home, tea and cake!

Library.

Sitting in communal garden in the sun

Painting and home decoration

Listening to radio, watch dramas on I player catch up.

HTH a little!

I deliver take aways, I earn between €80 / €120 per 7hr shift on a Sunday night. So have a couple of quid for myself to spend during the week. Maybe something like this might suit and you will be able to afford treats.

In my area there are other dog walkers who meet up for country walks, a dog is a great socialiser and costs nothing to walk, I would plan a training schedule for him/her and when of age get him assessed to be a therapy pet; that is such a great way to volunteer; visiting care homes, hospitals etc and good for the dog too.

It is odd how people really criticise non - paid working - mothers.

When i was a student, no-one did this to them. I worked part time as a student in a cafe, but others didn't. No-one kept telling them to get shifts in a supermarket at night etc, despite them being skint.

Find a good national charity to volunteer with. Often they will pay expenses, some even a lunch allowance. It will give you something interesting to do and also a reference should you need one in the future.
Also ask relatives friends for experiences or memberships (if they are generous). Cinema tickets, Costa vouchers etc. Even a few people giving you a £10 gift voucher to do that would mean a few trips out.

Have you looked at www.doit.org.uk?
What did you like to do pre children?

This is a marvellous oppòrtunity to challenge yourself, learn new skills- whether they are ones which lead to employability or not.

I would love to learn to touch type, knit, sew ...

What are your interests?
( soz if you have answered this- I may have missed a page on the thread)

Thanks again for everyone's comments. Lots to read through and fill my time. As I said it's all a new world to me just being by myself without my children. I've forgotten what it's like to be an adult!

I fully intend to return to work in a few years time when the kids are slightly older. They are still very young at the moment but I shall not be off work permanently. Thanks

I teach quite a few students who do evening delivery driving - some for places like Chinese takeaways or pizza joints, but most for supermarkets. They earn decent money (the food ones tend to make a lot of tips) and fit it in around studying. Might something like that work a couple of evenings? Appreciate supermarket might be difficult depending on how much heavy lifting you can do, but our regular driver is a woman in a similar situation to you. (She actually told me she loves getting a nosy at people’s houses!)