Aibu thinking I can't carry on spending money I don't have

[Holidaylover]

Hi everyone

Looking for tips and advice please. I'm a sahm at the moment and will be for a while yet. My husband works very hard and earns just enough to pay for everything for us but there's not really much left over for luxuries after bills.
He gives me a set amount each month (he can't give me more) out of which I need to buy food, petrol, my phone bill and anything else I want. This combined with child benefit works out I can spend £12.40 a day.

My problem is if I was at work I would be busy working all day so no need to spend on things plus id be earning too. But being a sahm I am not working, thus not earning. I have on average 31 long lonely days a month to fill but no money to do anything.

The money I have only covers the food, petrol and phone. There is zero left for anything else.

How can I spend my days without spending any money at all? Any tips? What do other stay at home parents do? I walk the dog. See relatives. Or stay home 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on socal media which is extremely boring and each day is like groundhog day.

If I met a friend for lunch or coffee that costs money I don't have.
If I go shopping I can't buy anything, and even if I didn't buy anything I'd have to pay parking.
If I go to a gym or swimming id have to pay membership. The list is endless.

It doesnt help as a couple of mum friends at school are very rich and don't work and are out every day getting pampered or having lunch or drinking champagne in spas.

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. Never had nails done or anything like that. Never spend on myself. It's all getting very depressing

I’ve had some unexpected time on my hands recently and been going into the school to listen to the kids reading. You can do as little as an hour a week. There is also a toddler group in our village run by volunteers and a lunch club for old people- maybe you could help out at similar things near you? These groups are always looking for new help and it is all during the day when the kids are at school. Church might be another option - you can help out with polishing or flower arranging even if you’re not a church goer.

When my Youngest started school i was a SAHM and i used to run 2 mornings a week either with friends (free) or 3 ish payg from local sport centre, volunteer at a mum and toddler group and help out at school if they needed adults to help with craft etc. I organised the craft for toddlers so i usually spent 2 or 3 hours per week prepping for that. Now i work 4-5 days a week for my own business, i am not loads better off but i think having less free time makes me a) more organised because i have to make the best use of those hours and b) more appreciative of them, even if I'm not doing anything particularly luxurious or fun. When i was a SAHM with pre schoolers my house was always a tip because i had no set times that i had to do stuff in, and consequently it didnt always get done!

@HotpotLawyer yeah it is and honestly I don't get how that's a struggle as we live off a quarter of that now and was living off even less than that before after bills and rent and that covers food, school trips, days out, clothes, books, toys etc and we do ok, was a struggle before I started my self employed job but now it's a bit easier. to me £12.40 a day is loads. But maybe it's because I'm used to living with less.

Sell unwanted items on Facebook ? Matched betting can be profitable but you need to read and read and really understand it all before you start . There’s a website called team profit which is worth a look if you’re interested.

It would be nice for you to have some extra cash for sure. Not sure if it has been suggested. If you don't mind cleaning and are good at it, I'm sure you could find a couple of clients to clean for while the kids are at school.

Cleaners in most areas earn at least £10 an hour even as much as £15 or more dependant on where you are.

I'm sure there is other stuff you could possibly do with little set up costs, like taking in ironing (again if ur good at it, I'd be rubbish), dog walking etc.

Or dependant on ur dh hours maybe an evening job part time. Call centre or doing dominos deliveries or something.

Suggest you look for welfare assistant roles in local primary schools. You usually work Lunchtimes and/or break times and it’s term time only too. If you just fancy a change and to feel useful, perhaps volunteer at your childrens’ school. Something worthwhile to do which may open doors and be good on your CV.

@Holidaylover I don't understand why you are perturbed by my post, you seemed to want a lifestyle like the school mums you mentioned... I was merely suggesting a way to gain some pt money to allow this once a week or so.

Perhaps worth looking at your outgoings as I'm in a senior position and certainly earn enough for a comfortable lifestyle with a hint of luxury. Sometimes it's worth reassessing.

I go for a long walk everyday with DS , we go to feed the ducks (stale bread)

Please don’t do this. Bread can kill ducks. It fills them up and stops them eating their proper food and has basically zero nutritional value for ducks. If it’s stale/mouldy the mould can kill them. Bread that isn’t eaten and sinks to the bottom of the pond goes mouldy and starts to kill the pondlife.

Ducks like seeds, frozen peas (defrosted!) and porridge oats

Have you thought about training as a TA? You could do it at DCs school so just go in with them and home with them you also get school holidays off!

@Absofrigginlootly I usually feed the birdseed, didn't know they could eat porridge, will switch to that in future as it's cheaper, thankyou :)

Also you can do Amazon prime deliveries self employed you get paid about £9 an hour just to pick things up and take them to peoples houses! Not a bad wage and you can do it around the kids!

*bubblegumunicorn

Also you can do Amazon prime deliveries self employed you get paid about £9 an hour just to pick things up and take them to peoples houses! Not a bad wage and you can do it around the kids!*
Do you know anyone that does this? I know someone who does normal deliveries for amazon, they have to pay £200/wk for a van (they are allegedly self employed) and get a set amount of parcels to deliver that day. They are paid per day, sometimes working over 12 hour days - it doesnt work out at £9/hr and isnt an easy way to make money. Maybe amazon prime is different.....?

OP, learn to play an instrument! I started playing the recorder to help out my son when he started learning it at primary school - now I’m pretty good and we have loads of fun playing music together.

Also, when you’re a decent level, you can join a group / band / ensemble, which is a brilliant social thing. And it’s good for your brain too. Practising to get to a decent level takes time, so that’s at least an hour a day sorted.

Or join a local choir. Will be tricky to find one that practices in the day rather than evening, but you can always try.

Or learn a language. That’s great for your brain and a future career as well.

Or take up calligraphy - a few instuction books and pens don’t have to be expensive. It’s fun and can be turned into a money-making hobby if you start making personalised cards and sell them off on Etsy.

Or start writing a diary, make a scrapbook, get your kids’ art together and make something lovely out of it.

Or read all of the The Song of Ice and Fire. Don’t buy it, the local library will have it. It will take ages to get through that.

Or write a story and publish it on FanFiction website.

Watch lots of movies, classic and new. Watch all the hundreds of episodes of Doctor Who, currently a available for free on BBC iPlayer. Hundreds of hours usefully spent 😁 and kids will be awed when you introduce them to it.

Or start a business where people send you their and their kids’ second-hand clothes and you list and sell them on eBay, keeping a percentage of the price they sold for. It takes bloody ages and does mean extra cash.

For anything you need but can’t afford try Freecycle. People keep getting rid of amazing stuff all the time.

I have no time for myself at all, what with working part-time and looking after three school-age kids by myself, so I’m so jealous of your situation. If I could relieve you of some of your free time it would be bliss!

Good luck, and let us know if you’ve taken up some of the ideas on this thread.

Another idea. Learn baking and cake decorating and start baking personalised birthday and occassion cakes for people. You can easily charge £50 or more for an amazing cake!

I see a lot of people making suggestions that honestly can cost a lot of money to start up (like crafting, based on experience). How is the OP going to afford the materials if she doesn't even have money for haircuts?
I get where you're coming from in a way, OP. It's hard when you've been out of the workforce and see your role at home change. And everyone saying to do lunch cover or be a TA don't realize how much competition there can be for these jobs. I'm a teacher who trained oversees, and I couldn't even get an interview for some of those positions.
So I'm going to give you a suggestion that would get you out of the house, earn some money, and could fit in with school hours. Look and see if there are any private schools with a day nursery attached or private nurseries near you. They are always looking for employees, and you could get training for free as an apprentice. I'd say to go with private school based nurseries if possible because there's a better chance of getting term time. Spending 10 years raising children would be viewed more positively than at most jobs, and it gives you relevant experience. Your pay will increase when you gain your level 3 qualification, and you could have opportunities to progress to more senior roles when you feel ready to work more hours. Or to switch to a role in the school itself or another school. Also, you might be able to get discounted fees to send your children there if that appeals to you. You can always return to your preferred field when your children are older if you don't want to be locked into the child care route. And you might even be able to arrange to work part time in order to have a day each week to socialize. It's worth thinking about.

Just re-read your OP.

Forget the Champagne super-mummies. It sounds to me as if you don't so much need to earn a pittance as have a reason to get up in the mornings. Obviously your DC are the reason to get up and going. - but it sounds to me as if you need friends. Proper friends, not 'lifestyle' friends.

That being the case, you need to cultivate the friends you already have. If that doesn't do the trick, you need to find a way to make new friends. That might be through walking your dog. It might be via volunteering in some way. But it sounds as if you need social contact, if you're not desperate to earn money (and I know how it is, to be in the ex-SAHM bind where you can't earn enough to make working worthwhile).

There are loads of good suggestions on this thread for earning money. However, I still think you need human contact and to feel that you matter to someone other than your family. Matched betting etc are all good ways to earn money, but they're still solitary and involve sitting on your own with your computer/phone. If I were you, I'd be seeking out the suggestions which involve other people. Friends are what have kept me sane generally as a SAHM (and, on another note, I'm absolutely baffled by how a SAHM can be bored/have time to read or look up stuff on social media . Maybe I'm just old).

Aside from all the good advice given.

I used my grocery money. I often found things at thrift shops and if i wanted something, i would cook from scratch. I saved a lot of money by cooking from basic ingredients. I buy fruit on sale, freeze it and have nutritious smoothies, i never buy prepared foods unless it's a treat.

I know it's old fashioned but it's (sometimes) fun and it gives me spending money.

Good luck. Believe it or not. This time will be gone before you know it. Try to find a hobby that doesn't use much money. There are many if you're creative.

This is really depressing. Your husband doesn’t want yoh to work so he can get further up the career ladder (also, what senior role pays so poorly) and you’re existing on a pittance through choice to keep him happy. I hope you’ve got full view of the finances OP. There are threads here daily of women who don’t work to facilitate their husband’s career who are completely shafted down the line when he leaves for another women, leaving the original one with no career, no friends and no money. Don’t put yourself in that vulnerable position

@Cushellekoala I know a few people who do it's not regular amazon deliveries from the warehouse and it's not in a van it's just picking up the two hour delivery things in your own car so food shopping from Morrison's that kind of thing and it's basically like Uber you clock on and off as you have time! I would do it myself but I'd need to buy a car first!

Look into care work. Go on indeed there are Leah’s jobs for nightcare workers. One night shift a week would give your about £100 extra a week. That’s what I did when mine were little
Also look on your local council website for PA jobs. They are very flexible with working hours.
I’ve worked non stop for 30 years and have just gone into semi retirement. I have grown up children but am living the extra time to myself. I such I’d had it when mine were little.
Turn it into a positive and enjoy the time you have at home

I've also heard that almost everyone who delivers parcels makes less than NMW per hour. I suppose you have the best chance of a decent income if you live somewhere with a high population density.

@BarbaraofSevillle I guess it's similar to being a taxi driver at busy times you could easily make £50 in an hour but when it's quiet you're sitting waiting for work!

I know a few men that did it in my last job. They didnt day how much they earned but they seemed happy with it.

They did evenings and said that was busier. So it must be one of those things where if its quiet its shit.

Apologies if this has been suggested already but do you have any interest in gardening? Even if you only have a balcony or a windowsill you can grow stuff. Plants are expensive but seeds are incredibly cheap and you can plant in leftover rubbish like tin cans if you don't want to spend on pots.

I find gardening massively thereauputic and rewarding plus it's totally addictive if you get the bug. You could grown lettuce/rocket/tomatoes to eat too.

Wish I had the time. Am on mat leave and finding the childcare relentless!

I’ve been a SAHM for 17 years now. I walk my youngest to school, walk the dog, clean, read, meet friends, shop. I like the quiet time