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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu thinking I can't carry on spending money I don't have

286 replies

Holidaylover · 02/04/2019 17:28

Hi everyone

Looking for tips and advice please. I'm a sahm at the moment and will be for a while yet. My husband works very hard and earns just enough to pay for everything for us but there's not really much left over for luxuries after bills.
He gives me a set amount each month (he can't give me more) out of which I need to buy food, petrol, my phone bill and anything else I want. This combined with child benefit works out I can spend £12.40 a day.

My problem is if I was at work I would be busy working all day so no need to spend on things plus id be earning too. But being a sahm I am not working, thus not earning. I have on average 31 long lonely days a month to fill but no money to do anything.

The money I have only covers the food, petrol and phone. There is zero left for anything else.

How can I spend my days without spending any money at all? Any tips? What do other stay at home parents do? I walk the dog. See relatives. Or stay home 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on socal media which is extremely boring and each day is like groundhog day.

If I met a friend for lunch or coffee that costs money I don't have.
If I go shopping I can't buy anything, and even if I didn't buy anything I'd have to pay parking.
If I go to a gym or swimming id have to pay membership. The list is endless.

It doesnt help as a couple of mum friends at school are very rich and don't work and are out every day getting pampered or having lunch or drinking champagne in spas.

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. Never had nails done or anything like that. Never spend on myself. It's all getting very depressing

OP posts:
BarrenFieldofFucks · 02/04/2019 18:23

Get on the OU website, loads of free courses on there. You could do stuff for fun/mind opening or that may lead into work/further training.

That's what I'd do. That plus library, reading and drinking lots of tea. Learn a few new crafts. Start doing couch to 5k.

Lots of cooking and baking from scratch.

Do you need a car? Cut down use for short journeys so you use less fuel?

mrsm43s · 02/04/2019 18:23

So you have £375 a month.

And that has to cover food (for the whole family?)
Petrol
and
Phone.

Where is the majority of your money going? Obviously we don't know your family size, the amount of miles you need to drive etc, but on the whole, £375 seems quite do-able.

So look at your shopping costs - go down brands and shop in bulk or at discounters like Aldi.
Cut down on unnecessary driving - walk the children to school it you can, walk to activities etc (this also has the advantage of filling some of your spare time)
Check you are on a cheap phone deal, a have a sensible, standard phone - i.e £10 a month or so will get you a phone and data/texts/minutes with Tesco etc.

The reality is, that unless your husband is a very high earner that one person not working in the family is going to mean that there's not much spare cash for haircuts and meals out, luxury items etc. Obviously "family money" needs to be shared, but there's nothing in your OP to suggest that your DH has extra money he's withholding from you.

You could also look for evening/weekend work to bring in some extra money, or work (from home or outside the home) during the school day.

FWIW, I spend most of my free time doing stuff that's either free, or adds value to the family. So sewing, baking, gardening, crafting etc. I don't spend much on coffees/lunches/shopping or have gym /swim memberships.

GlossyTaco · 02/04/2019 18:24

Find lunchtime work at a local school if possible. That'll be an extra £250pm (ish) and no childcare fees. That's what I would do in your position.

Nowordsleft · 02/04/2019 18:24

If you literally only have enough money for food, petrol and your phone, I’m not sure why you would get a dog.

nelsonmuntzslingshot · 02/04/2019 18:24

Good idea re getting involved with your DCs school. You could become a parent reader and get involved with the PTA. Also could you become registered and offer wrap around care for other school parents?

Hersheys · 02/04/2019 18:25

Get a job then?

christinarossetti19 · 02/04/2019 18:25

It sounds like the main thing that you need is a plan for yourself. It's a bit cheesy, but where would you like to be work-wise in 5 years?

If this involves acquiring new skills/qualifications, now is the ideal time to do it. Volunteering will get you much needed current experience.

It's also worth costing up childcare long term. Yes, it's expensive when they're younger, but if it's possible it might enable you to get back to work and be in a much better financial position when the children are older and (I'm afraid) tend to become more expensive if you want them to do music lessons etc. (You might not, but just to say that children don't get cheaper as they get older!)

NoSquirrels · 02/04/2019 18:25

I think you need to consider is it having no money that is depressing, rather than having nothing to do? Or is it actually having nothing to do (which there are great suggestions for volunteering on this thread)?

And what is the long-term plan for your employment/training/your DH's job etc.

BlackeyedGruesome · 02/04/2019 18:26

Libraries are free.

Try to find a course that will improve your chances of work later.

Learn a language online? There are lots of free resources on line.

ZippyBungleandGeorge · 02/04/2019 18:27

Night work, my aunt worked night fill at a supermarket when my cousins were young, started off a couple of nights a week. She'd come home my uncle would go to work she'd drop the DCs at school go home and sleep. She's now in a senior regional position for the same chain and earns very well!

Omzlas · 02/04/2019 18:28

You're on a tight budget but have just got a puppy? That's a strange thing to do as the dog will need food, vet visits, insurance etc..... I wouldn't have gotten the dog and you would have a bit more money to play with. Is your budget as streamlined as it can be, have you checked things on money saving websites, energy comparisons etc?
Based on your calculations, you have £350 per month. That seems high for fuel etc, are those things a necessity?

There's stuff you can do in your time, taking in ironing, dog walking, cleaning (for other people), transcript writing..... the list goes on.

starsky22 · 02/04/2019 18:28

A part-time job should cover the cost of holiday clubs plus more, but if you don't think that working is an option, then how about volunteering at your children's school once a week or so? Our school is always after helpers to read with the children. Perhaps also join the PTA, you've got the time to help out and it's a nice way to meet other Mum's too and socialise with them.

Goldenbaubles · 02/04/2019 18:28

In your situation i would volunteer at school. That way you hear first about their term time opportunities which might be as a helper at lunchtime or 1 to 1 with a child who needs extra support

BeanBag7 · 02/04/2019 18:29

12.40 a day seems like quite a lot, over £300 per month! How much is your phone contract and petrol bills, maybe you could cut that down by having a cheaper phone?

Get a job in a shop or cafe or something for a few hours during the day to keep you busy and earn a few quid extra.

Stargazer888 · 02/04/2019 18:29

Dogs are expensive. That was a silly thing to do. Why not be a dog walker during school hours? Or take on a cleaning job?

AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 02/04/2019 18:29

Why on earth would you buy a puppy when money is so tight?! Confused I know it’s company for you but they cost money in food, vets bills, worming, flea treatments etc and may affect the hours you can go out to work

GlamourBear · 02/04/2019 18:30

If you can't work in the daytime, is it possible to do something for a couple of evenings? I used to shelf stack for 4/5 hours, 3 nights a week at our local supermarket which made me about £300/£400 per month. I was a student at the time so it was a nice sum of money to have for extra spends 😃

Fcukthisshit · 02/04/2019 18:31

@wigglypiggly if the op is any good at ironing, she could make some leaflets? Drop them round the local area and charge people to do theirs! I’d deffo pay someone to do my ironing!

LipstickHandbagCoffee · 02/04/2019 18:31

Tip,yes get a job.youre skint it’ll bolster finances
Something you can book on a week by week basis eg hca in care home,nhs bank work. Work weekends when do is off work
Zero hours contract you chose the hours
You’re trying to live a life you can’t afford

category12 · 02/04/2019 18:33

Do some pin money jobs, like filling in surveys, mystery customer stuff, that kind of thing?

KetoCallie · 02/04/2019 18:33

You could become a TA. Possibly even at your children’s school? At our school almost all of the TAs are mums at the school. They start and finish at the same time as their children. Fits in with your life and you have holidays off?

SimplyPut · 02/04/2019 18:35

I have a horrible feeling this is a reverse as it seems too obvious how to change your circumstances.

A puppy is expensive, what made you get one on such a tight budget?

Jobs to look at;
Dog walking
Cleaning
Ironing
Bank staff auxiliary work
Dinner lady
Classroom assistant
Admin in a school
2 x evenings in a bar/restaurant/take away
Lollipop lady
Bank staff local council/leisure services

blueshoes · 02/04/2019 18:36

From your name, it looks like you love holidays. Do you go on holidays which you can cut back on?

Jessgalinda · 02/04/2019 18:36

Holidaylover there jobs you can do.

This is pointless.

You wont even look at what work you can do. Despite being bored and skint.

Then you got a puppy?

Pythonesque · 02/04/2019 18:37

Summer is coming. Don't meet a friend for coffee, meet them for a walk in the park. Especially with your new puppy! Any free local-ish museums? Volunteering absolutely - lots of different options around, some requiring more regular commitment, some not. You might find your library has all sorts of groups / information on local groups.