Aibu thinking I can't carry on spending money I don't have

[Holidaylover]

Hi everyone

Looking for tips and advice please. I'm a sahm at the moment and will be for a while yet. My husband works very hard and earns just enough to pay for everything for us but there's not really much left over for luxuries after bills.
He gives me a set amount each month (he can't give me more) out of which I need to buy food, petrol, my phone bill and anything else I want. This combined with child benefit works out I can spend £12.40 a day.

My problem is if I was at work I would be busy working all day so no need to spend on things plus id be earning too. But being a sahm I am not working, thus not earning. I have on average 31 long lonely days a month to fill but no money to do anything.

The money I have only covers the food, petrol and phone. There is zero left for anything else.

How can I spend my days without spending any money at all? Any tips? What do other stay at home parents do? I walk the dog. See relatives. Or stay home 90% of the time cleaning, reading or on socal media which is extremely boring and each day is like groundhog day.

If I met a friend for lunch or coffee that costs money I don't have.
If I go shopping I can't buy anything, and even if I didn't buy anything I'd have to pay parking.
If I go to a gym or swimming id have to pay membership. The list is endless.

It doesnt help as a couple of mum friends at school are very rich and don't work and are out every day getting pampered or having lunch or drinking champagne in spas.

I haven't been to a hairdresser in 10 years. Never had nails done or anything like that. Never spend on myself. It's all getting very depressing

You can cover childcare in school holidays, you'll both be able to claim tax free childcare and you accept that a couple of paychecks are pretty much swallowed up over summer holidays and you'll strategically plan your annual leave with your dh so avoid as many childcare bills as possible but overall you'll be better off the rest of the year. How do you think the rest of us manage it? A job solves all your problems, you'll have money and won't be bored. Shame you got the puppy though, that's now a complication which will cost you more

We manage fine for the essentials is just im finding it hard to fill each day without spending any money and it becomes very depressing

So you don't want/need to earn money but you don't want to be bored? In that case volunteering.

I have to say though it sounds miserable: no swimming/cinema/gym/coffees/trips/
haircuts/new clothes/books etc. Indefinitely. I'm sure it's manageable if you need to make it so but why wouldn't you work?

If both of your dc’s are at school there’s no reason why you couldn’t work even if it’s part time? I found it hard being a SAHM and being so skint that I couldn’t do anything in my spare time. I then split with dh and felt even more bored and trapped. I now work part time (both my dc’s are disabled so it’s hard to find childcare when they are not at school), it gives me a bit of extra money and stops me spending as much.

You could also look into doing a course (I have done a couple).

Get rid of the dog, find a job.

Can you advertise in local notice boards as a dog walker ( if you're walking yours anyway) and to do ironing for people a few days a week to generate some income to spend?

You have my sympathies OP, I was in a similar situation when DCs were small. With the added difficulty that we lived rurally and I did not have use of a car.

I eventually got a job working one day per week, then increased to full-time as childcare became easier (with the help of a lovely CM).

I was climbing the walls with boredom and frustration at one point, having absolutely no spare cash. Long walks and meetups with other mums in the same position soon lost their appeal.

I would urge you to get some paid work outside the home, for your own mental well-being.

@SimplyPut

I have a horrible feeling this is a reverse as it seems too obvious how to change your circumstances

That or a massive drip feed...

I also say get an evening or weekend job. That’s what we do in our house, work around each other. Have done for the last 12 years so far. My OH works away from home, Monday to Friday and I work every weekend. It’s rubbish for spending time together as a family, but needs must. Keeps a roof over our heads, food in the fridge, clothes on our backs and enough for us to have treats, the odd holiday and a pretty good standard of living.

Thanks very much for all your replies. As I said previously I've only been only been alone in the day since September and habe been enjoying the peace up until now. Previous to that I had children with me 24/7 for 10 years.
But now it's getting lonely and hard so ready to do something else. I shall look into all your suggestions, thank you very much everyone.

Check out this thread, it is quite easy to earn a tenner a day if you look, covers those extras.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/legal_money_matters/3547846-april-earn-10-a-day-thread

I will pm you also!

Do you have access to a computer or tablet and are you any good at writing reports. If so then why not register with some Mystery Shopping companies. You won’t make a fortune doing it and sometimes the time spent going to an assignment, doing it and then writing it up means you are on less than minimum wage - but it can be fun. There is even one company which has contracts with a number of gyms so you could get free gym membership for a month and a small fee paid just for filling in surveys on the state of the changing rooms, a group exercise class, the joining process, a PT session etc.

I think getting a puppy was a big mistake. Not only have you now got the extra expense of a dog, it limits you in the job market because you now won't be able to leave the house for long periods of time because you just can't leave a young dog for hours on end.
If you didn't have the dog I would suggest finding work for a few hours a day. However, depending on your oh's hours, could you not find some evening work? That solves childcare if he's around then (or weekends as well of course).

Do temping work . You tell the agency when you are available and they get you assignments.
Are you getting all your benefits entitlements?
Sell stuff.
Renegotiate mortgage etc.
Shop around for better deals on your utilities.

A few suggestions :
Walking, to get places and just for fun. Particularly out of town if you can get to the countryside.
Museums if there are any free ones nearby.
Galleries.. Could include where they sell art, you obviously don't need to be buying!
Library.
Volunteering. I used to volunteer in a charity shop when I was unemployed and it was great. You also get first pick at the donations which can help you save money on clothes etc.
Gardening. Try your hand at taking cuttings etc to make new plants. (depends on having a garden of course!).

School jobs might be term time only. Ours keep emailing parents to advertise opportunities. Minimum/low wage, but still potentially do-able maybe?

HighlightsandHeels

@SimplyPut

Not sure what you both mean by your comments. I have been a sahm for over 10 years very happily and always filled my days with play groups and child orientated things.
It has been a big change for me, and I'm still adjusting. All those mums I met I know don't see and all the activities I did have stopped.

Obviously the answer is to go back to work but it's not feasible right now.

This post was to ask other sahms and housewives how they fill their days, preferably without spending any money.
I wasn't asking how to get more money. Thanks

A friend of mine is in the same situation as you and does cleaning and babysitting whilst her kids are at school. She's taking it in.

Oh right, you don't want £.

Volunteer in an old folks home reading to those that can no longer see or just sitting chatting to them.

Volunteer at your children's school. Hear readers,mend library books, sort 2nd hand uniform, tidy the stockroom.
Eventually you could get a term time only paid TA job .

I think it's completely unreasonable for people to be suggesting to get rid of the dog. They're part of your family and unless your finances are really limited so much that you're struggling to feed/vaccinate it and it's quality of life is impacted you have a responsibility for the dog. It also appears the dog also helps to get you out and about and keeps you company. There may be nearby walking groups that you could occasionally join to meet people who enjoy doing free things outside.

If I was in your situation I would be looking at the largest expense for which you are responsible for. I expect this is either food or fuel. I would be looking at reducing my food costs anyway, the easiest ways to do this is:
A. Go to a cheaper supermarket eg. If you shop at Sainsbury's go to Asda or Aldi/Lidl.
B. Meal plan and be strict with what you buy using a list.
C. Online shop, it reduces the temptation when in store - would also reduce fuel costs.

I think fuel is harder to reduce without reducing the number of journeys however no one wants to be stuck at home all the time. You could look for the cheapest garage but tbh they're all pretty much the same.

Many other posters have given options of what else you could fill you're time with however if it's the money that's the issue I would try to reduce my outgoings if it wasn't possible to increase my income.

Someone also mentioned surveys, I used Prolific as a student and found the surveys really interesting and although the pay wasn't much I had lots of fun when I would otherwise have been bored on social media.

What about term time work. Lunchtime assistant even. It's a couple of hours. Bit of extra cash and breaks the day up and avoids spending.

What time does husband get in from work & leave in the morning.
You could do twilight or night shifts somewhere.

Why don't you be a lunchtime supervisor? Or take in some ironing? Or do a few hours cleaning? These are things many of my friends do who need to fill time between school hours, and it has the added bonus of making you a bit of extra cash to spend during the time you are not working. You could then fill any other time with swimming, gym, coffee with friends, whatever. It's a win-win really.

Evening /night work - cleaning/ironing

Do you have any children at home or free 9-3

Stacking shelves or care home /bluebird are always looking for people

My friend does 6/10 4 nights a week

Are you entitled to any benefits - whatbdoes dh earn?