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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset that my kids were called rude

190 replies

ricardot · 30/03/2019 08:28

I had a run in with someone and she asked to talk about it to clear the air which we did. She was quite angry and said her bit which was fine but then she brought my kids into it saying that they're really really rude. I was taken aback and couldn't actually believe that she was even saying that.
My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude. I found it really offensive and I just am so livid at her for attacking my kids when they're not even part of our dispute. The example she gave was pretty vague and she couldn't tell me in what context it was said either.
Dh thinks im overreacting and it's just meh. Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem. Im not sure.
I don't even know why im posting! I guess would you be offended or just meh.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 30/03/2019 08:30

I guess would you be offended or just meh

I would be very offended but I wouldn’t describe my kids as cheeky.

What did she say they’d done? Do you disagree?

Pieceofpurplesky · 30/03/2019 08:31

Why might some people find your kids offensive?

Flyingpie · 30/03/2019 08:31

If my kids were 'a bit cheeky' I'd see that as something that needed dealing with.

I'd be gutted to hear it, yes, but I'd do some soul searching before berating the other person.

FriarTuck · 30/03/2019 08:32

If you're saying your kids are cheeky then it's not unreasonable that other people consider them rude. 9 times out of 10 you'll find that the parents of rude children say that they're just cheeky or high-spirited. Bear that in mind...

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/03/2019 08:33

My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude

Well you have now! Tbh it takes a lot of guts to tell someone their child is rude so a lot of people would avoid it regardless of what they're thinking.

What actually happened and how old are the DC?

Poppyputthekettleon · 30/03/2019 08:33

It's most likely that what you consider cheeky others will consider rude. Without context I can't tell you if I think your kids are rude or not. Also without more details we can't say if she was being unreasonable or not.

IDoAllMyOwnStunts · 30/03/2019 08:34

You say yourself ‘some people might find them offemseive’

What do they do/say to make you say that? I’d be mortified to say that my own kids are offensive to people.

elessar · 30/03/2019 08:35

I doubt anyone with rude children would describe them as rude - probably 'cheeky' or 'high spirited' as FriarTuck says above.

So the fact someone has said that to you and you acknowledge they are cheeky, I think you should be taking an honest look at your parenting and consider addressing their 'cheeky' behaviour.

Puttingofftheironing · 30/03/2019 08:35

I would only give it any consideration to what she said if I actually cared about this person. All children can be rude sometimes as can some adults. She might have just not seen them at their best and it was completely out of line to bring it up. Take it with a pinch of salt and bring up your children within your own feelings of what is right and wrong and what is downright rude and what is just cheeky.
I would be meh x

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 30/03/2019 08:36

Dh thinks im overreacting and it's just meh. Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem. Im not sure

I'm with you here. IF there is an issue with rudeness (not saying either way as this woman could very well be lashing out) then saying it's the other people's problem won't help the kids at all on the long run

Candleglow7475 · 30/03/2019 08:37

It was have to be really bad cheek / rudeness for me to raise it with someone as it would be a very uncomfortable conversation.
Maybe you need to reassess what you consider as ‘cheek’ others may consider it very very rude?

SummerHouse · 30/03/2019 08:37

If someone said my children were rude "meh" is not among the reactions I might have.

slipperywhensparticus · 30/03/2019 08:37

What do you see as cheeky? My son has a deadpan sense of humour some people can take it the wrong way but he is joking it's just his style 🤷‍♀️

chocolatemademefat · 30/03/2019 08:38

some people might find them offensive but that’s their problem

No - it’s your problem now it’s been pointed out to you. I’d bite my tongue off rather than tell anyone their kids were rude so this woman must really have a problem with them.

Maybe take the rose tinted glasses off.

Dramatical · 30/03/2019 08:39

My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude.

Except you have literally just had exactly that. A complaint about your children being rude. Instead of being offended, try listening.

Mememeplease · 30/03/2019 08:39

When you love your kids it's easy to see them as lovable cheeky characters. Other who don't have the love connection may see them slightly differently...
Oh and most people are often too polite to say what they are actually thinking.

Look at your kids objectively.

BarbarianMum · 30/03/2019 08:39

If you see your kids as "a bit cheeky" then you can bet your bottom dollar that most adults would find them downright rude tbh. Most people dont find "cheek" in other people's children endearing at all.

kaytee87 · 30/03/2019 08:42

She shouldn't have brought them into it if they weren't part of the dispute.
However if you're saying your kids are cheeky and that some people might find them offensive then I'd probably bet my house on them actually being pretty rude.

KillerSpider · 30/03/2019 08:42

I had a bit of a disagreement with someone. Essentially she didn’t like me and I felt the same. I chose to conduct myself and just not notice her while she couldn’t stand me behaving this way. She had a bit of a Queen Bee complex.
So one day she challenged me regarding my attitude towards her. Her default mode was drama and attention mine was cool and low key. When she couldn’t identify one thing I did that annoyed her ( because it was that I didn’t give her any attention) she started criticising my two DC. It was just a way she thought would get a rise out of me.

So possibly it might be the same in your case? A low blow to sting you like a nettle?

If so, see it for what it is and judge her badly because of it.

FrancisCrawford · 30/03/2019 08:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Billben · 30/03/2019 08:47

Using the word ‘cheeky’ when talking about your kids is the same as some parents describing theirs as ‘lively, energetic, full of life’. 😃

It basically means that they are a pain in the backside. Cheeky in your case means rude to other’s.

BertrandRussell · 30/03/2019 08:47

“My son has a deadpan sense of humour some people can take it the wrong way but he is joking it's just his style”

Yeah, right.

colditz · 30/03/2019 08:48

"some people might find them offensive but that's their problem"

It's really not. Currently it's your problem,, and as your children get older, it will be their problem. It is no fun interacting with teenagers whose parents think rude twattery is cute and spirited.

multiplemum3 · 30/03/2019 08:49

One of my kids nursery worker described her as "head strong." It meant she was being a stubborn asshole. Your kids probably are rude and it's not everyone else's problem, its yours.

DoubleDaffodil · 30/03/2019 08:49

Sounds like your kids are rude and it's not hard to see where they get it from.