to feel upset that my kids were called rude

[ricardot]

I had a run in with someone and she asked to talk about it to clear the air which we did. She was quite angry and said her bit which was fine but then she brought my kids into it saying that they're really really rude. I was taken aback and couldn't actually believe that she was even saying that.
My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude. I found it really offensive and I just am so livid at her for attacking my kids when they're not even part of our dispute. The example she gave was pretty vague and she couldn't tell me in what context it was said either.
Dh thinks im overreacting and it's just meh. Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem. Im not sure.
I don't even know why im posting! I guess would you be offended or just meh.

She was massively out of order to threaten to hit your child, but I'm confused as to what caused her to threaten that in the first place. I'm not excusing violence or the threat of violence towards children, I'm just trying to understand the scenario.

JenniferJareau woman told me, not child.

I know she'd never touch the kids. It was an empty threat though dd probably didn't know that. The threat is not the point here and is derailing the thread slightly. My dd answered back to her saying that she would hit her is her own clumsy way of defending herself. She's 5.

If someone threatened to hit my 5yo kid because he didn't put a smile on when given a job and this person admitted this to me, I'd raise hell.

Brokenwing, is your child polite when somebody threatens to hit them?

Not Brokenwing but with mine if someone threatened to hit them they would have been super polite so they didn’t cop a whack. Or if scared they would have cried. Not given a mouthful. Then they would have told us when we arrived and we would have sorted the issue out and followed up with the kids as to reinforce it was wrong and that it had been dealt with appropriately. What child would think the sensible thing to do as a response in that situation is to mouth off and be rude, essentially adding fuel to the fire. Even very young kids have inherent common sense in that regard.

I never lift a hand to my children but they do as they are told.
That being said if someone else threatened to hit my child there would be big issues.
Although again, my children wouldn't need threatened with violence to behave.

Maybe you are so angry because your friend has highlight something you already know is an issue.

Stop your children being cheeky and people won't describe them as rude. That's the reason.

Ok. Im going to leave the thread.

Conclusion from MN.
My dd is rude. Need to deal with it. Woman was within her rights to tell me DC are rude.

Not Brokenwing but with mine if someone threatened to hit them they would have been super polite so they didn’t cop a whack. Or if scared they would have cried.

So? Do people threatened with violence have to behave in a particular way to count hopping?

I would never take someone else’s opinion as gospel! Everyone is coming from a different place with a different aspect and what is rude to one person may not be to another. Do some thinking for yourself and decide how you feel. You don’t need to be governed by the opinion of someone else, especially someone who thinks it’s appropriate to threaten violence to a 5 year old. Certainly not in a rush to hear their view on my parenting 😂

I think rudeness is different for different people. A PP mentioned making silly faces out of car window is cheeky not rude, IMO it is rude.

Someone said my DD is rude because she didn't answer her when the lady asked her name. My DD is 2 and shy and doesnt talk to strangers. Not rude IMO.

I don't know what your DD is usually like but in the case you have said, I would be furious that she threatened her and I don't think it's a bad thing for a child to back chat someone who threatens them.

Your child probably is a bit rude but I don't think I would want to associate with any person who would threaten a child with violence.

The adult is more in the wrong and should know better.

OP, the business about the hugely different parenting styles, and the hitting , is a HUGELY important context to your OP.

And you have been quite confusing as to who threatened to hit etc.

The responses would have been very different had you said all that at first.

I course your 6 year old would not see it as an empty threat, coming from an adult who she knows hits her children!

This woman sounds very rigid in her outlook and unable to have a ‘live and let live’ attitude to parenting styles, and I would distance myself from her in future.

A 5 yo who answers with attitude is indeed rude.

What was age wmaskrd to do? What do you mean by threatened to be hit? There's a difference between telling her something alone the lines of 'if you were my child, you'd get a spanking' which is not a direct threat and 'if you say one more word, I'm going to beat you up' which would worrying but then your DD should have come to you to tell you.

The way you describe it, your kids to have an attitude. That won't get any better as they get older and what is cute at 5 isn't at all any longer when they are 15.

Might be best not to interact with the woman in the future if that's possible.

You seem annoyed that pp think your DC is rude...but that's based on what you've said.

I would be upset if someone said my DC were rude, but I'd see if there was any substance to the claim.

I think you're shocked someone had the guts to say it...because the polite British way would be to say nothing.

I know rude kids and I wouldn't say that to their parents...I'd just stay well away from them.

not many parents would describe their child as rude, it would reflect on the crap parenting.

Honestly? I would stop taking offence, and take a step back and in a neutral way evaluate if their behaviour could be considered rude. If the answer in all honesty is possibly, I would address this quietly and effectively.

There is a huge range of what is considered good or bad manners. You are obliged to raise children that know the difference, otherwise they will grow up not knowing how to be polite. This will be the biggest possible disadvantage they could possibly hope to acquire professionally, socially and in their every day life. It will blight every part of their lives, they may not even realise over the years, and grow to have a big chip on their shoulders not understanding why the world gives them the cold shoulder.

Children need to have good manners, understand social norms, be polite and being ‘cheeky’ certainly does not make them the exception, quite the reverse, if you are cheeky you need to be doubly aware of the limits, and be mindful not to offend others.

You are doing them no favours springing to their defence op. Evaluate calmly and carefully from all points of view, and decide if there is any merit in your friends criticism. I guarantee you she did not find it easy to tell you.

I would consider if the person arguing with you was beyond rude for threatening to smack your children.

My dd is rude. Need to deal with it. Woman was within her rights to tell me DC are rude.

Yes, yes and yes. However, she had absolutely no right whatsoever to threaten to hit your child. Two separate issues.

Her children are probably docile and withdrawn because they're terrified of her. She mistakes this for good behaviour.
I'd have told her to fuck herself personally. Then she could think you were all very rude 😂

I'm sorry but if someone threatened to hit my DC I would expect my DC to say they'd hit back to defend themselves.

The DC is 5... "Ok fine" is a normal response, it's not like she turned round and said "f* off you stupid wench".

But the main thing is....no matter the quarrel you don't bring children into it. My step mum did this and we ended up NC with her over it.

If someone had said my child was rude and the same person had threatened to hit my child my post would have been 'Somebody threatened to hit my child' not "to be upset that my kids were called rude"!

I find it really strange that you didn't lead with the fact that she threatened to hit your child

I would immediately discount this woman's opinions on parenting when she threatened to hit your child. She is a shit parent trying to make everyone else feel bad because their children aren't cowed and afraid.

My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude.

Most us of have stayed quiet about someone's kids being rude, obnoxious, badly behaved little brats at some point, because we prefer to keep the peace and mind our own business. So we go home and vent to our partners or to other friends, to save your feelings and for the sake of any easy life.

Just because no-one has voiced this to you before, doesn't mean it's not an issue. It sounds as if you know it is, by admitting that they can 'be a bit cheeky.'

I suppose given that she's fallen out with you anyway now, she's reached the end of her tether and thinks 'in for a penny, in for a pound, I may as well tell her exactly what I think of her children while I am at it.'

This sequence of events is not clear, is this what happened?:
Woman says to dd do this or ill hit you.
Dd5 says ok fine, but I’ll hit you back.
Woman says is that how you speak to your parents etc etc..
If that is the case, that’s a completely different slant that how the thread started, and well done to your dd on standing up to the woman (who must be a bit deranged to threaten to hit a 5yo.)