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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset that my kids were called rude

190 replies

ricardot · 30/03/2019 08:28

I had a run in with someone and she asked to talk about it to clear the air which we did. She was quite angry and said her bit which was fine but then she brought my kids into it saying that they're really really rude. I was taken aback and couldn't actually believe that she was even saying that.
My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude. I found it really offensive and I just am so livid at her for attacking my kids when they're not even part of our dispute. The example she gave was pretty vague and she couldn't tell me in what context it was said either.
Dh thinks im overreacting and it's just meh. Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem. Im not sure.
I don't even know why im posting! I guess would you be offended or just meh.

OP posts:
isabellerossignol · 30/03/2019 08:52

You have had a complaint about them being rude.

One of my children can get worked up and his behaviour can tip over into being cheeky and it IS rude. I don't shrug my shoulders and blame the people who find him rude. I try to teach him that his behaviour is not ok.

Chewbecca · 30/03/2019 08:53

If someone said my DC were rude, I would be mortified, not offended or meh. It is highly unlikely anyone else has told you because it is not something people say to your face. I would be having a good hard look at my DC’s behaviour, how they speak to others, do they know what is cheeky and what is rude and when to be polite and cut the cheek?

Alienspaceship · 30/03/2019 08:53

Your post is too vague to give an opinion. Is this someone who has spent time looking after them? Or someone who saw them doing something for 30 seconds in the playground?

Littleraindrop15 · 30/03/2019 08:54

To be honest people generally don't tell parents their kids are rude as a lot of them would take offence. My neice and nephew can be rude and I just bite my tongue as I once tried to tell my sister and she flew off the handle and thought I was attacking her innocent children when I tried to be honest with her.

To me if my child is rude I would be grateful if someone told me as then I can address the issues if its not done in front of me.

sonjadog · 30/03/2019 08:54

Surely "cheeky" is just another way of saying "rude"?

2rachtint · 30/03/2019 08:56

My eldest can be rude sometimes - I'm not naive to it and it's something we work on (she's lovely for her teachers and other adults). I'd still be offended if someone decided to just tell me when it was irrelevant to the conversation!

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 30/03/2019 08:56

I am 'strong willed' so is my youngest DD! You can't make me do something I do not want to do, same goes for youngest DD!
I believe in some respects these are great traits. However, my mum, my DP call it being stubborn! They don't see my 'strength' they see it as my weakness.
As an adult, I am a strong minded woman who fights for what she wants and will not stop until I make it work.
As a child this is called a full blown tantrum!

It is all about perspective. I love that my DD is not a walk over! But she is still having a tantrum!

If you see your children as cheeky l, like I see. My DD as strong willed - I can pretty much guarantee others see your children as rude as they see mine as naughty!

Was it right for her to call you out on it? Probably not, but now you have an outside perspective maybe you could change the 'cheekiness' to being polite!

CripsSandwiches · 30/03/2019 08:56

On MN people love a chance to tell you your kids are clearly out of control houligans if you mention anything (even very normal stuff) that is imperfect about them. All kids can be cheeky or grumpy or naughty occasionally. It sounds like you've fallen out with this woman and she's making nasty comments to you where she know it will hurt. If she had a specific reason why she thinks your kids are rude she would have said so.

MissClareRemembers · 30/03/2019 08:57

How old are your DC op? If they are pre-schoolers/early years it’s a bit soon to be writing them off as ‘rude’ however if they older then they should have learnt about empathy and the importance of being polite and pleasant to others by now.

It all depends.

DisplayPurposesOnly · 30/03/2019 08:57

My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude

followed by

Some ppl might find them offensive

suggests you think they might actually be rude sometimes...

gamerwidow · 30/03/2019 08:57

Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem

It's not really usual for people to find children's behaviour offensive. If they are offending people then there is a good chance that actually they are quite rude.

Hard to say without examples though.

TabbyMumz · 30/03/2019 08:57

You have virtually admitted it...you have said they can be offensive and cheeky.....not too far from rude eh?

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 30/03/2019 08:58

Not sure what happened to that sentence

  • If you see your children as cheeky, like I see my DD as strong willed -
CripsSandwiches · 30/03/2019 08:59

Surely "cheeky" is just another way of saying "rude"?

No it isn't. All kids are occasionally cheeky. It means being silly and irreverent (toilet humour, silly jokes, making silly faces out of the car window). Rude is not saying please and thank you, answering back and not doing what an adult asks, saying things which are unkind, ordering people about etc.

Fundays12 · 30/03/2019 08:59

I think you need to stand back and ask yourself are your kids “cheeky” or rude. I have a family member who describes there DD as “cheeky”. She isn’t cheeky she is downright rude. The parents generally do no see this though.

CarolDanvers · 30/03/2019 09:00

Hmm, I would never say my children are a bit cheeky because they really aren’t so if someone else said that I would be confused rather than annoyed. That said my parents think my children are spoilt brats because I don’t force them to eat food they don’t like and don’t shove them into bed bang on 7.30 every night so people judge by different standards. What was the example she gave?

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 30/03/2019 09:01

It's not v often we see ourselves as others see us, and it can be v uncomfortable. But it's kind-of a gift because it is so rare to get that kind of feedback.

Have a think about it and decide whether other people might agree with her.

I'm not surprised you're upset though.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2019 09:01

In what context did she say it though? Your OP is a bit disjointed in the way you've gone from 'clearing the air', to bringing your kids into it.

What's the link, or was it a complete subject change?

To say she 'attacked' your kids is quite OTT unless you haven't told us everything.

BottleOfJameson · 30/03/2019 09:02

On AIBU if you say "my kids are perfectly behaved angels" people will say you're deluded and have no idea. If you're say "my kids can sometimes be strong willed/cheeky/energetic/insert other normal childish trait" people will say "isn't just another way of saying they're an out of control brat".

If she genuinely thought they were rude she would tell you why. The few kids I know who I would consider why I would be able to explain quite clearly why that was. (He's much too rough to other adults and kids after being told to stop, she makes demands of people - as if they're her slaves and has no manners, he constantly tells everyone his house/bike/toys etc are better).

codenameduchess · 30/03/2019 09:03

What was the fallout over? I feel like that's relevant here.

Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem. it's your problem, if your kids are offensive that's not cutesy cheeky as much as you want to think that. There is a line between a child being a bit 'cheeky' and being a dick... all kids can be dicks, it's our job as parents to explain what is and isn't ok- not to blame the person who is offended.

Blahdeblahbahhhhh · 30/03/2019 09:03

I don’t think it’s a very helpful thing to say. Most children in my experience are rude at some point or another. It’s part and parcel of learning social norms. Children often find it hard when something is fine in one context and rude in another. As a general rule, I try to say something is or isn’t allowed specifically to children when in my charge or in my house. If they aren’t in my house then I think it’s up to the parents. I do have friends who have different ideas about what’s rude (both ways) and I just limit time with the children with them. So some friends don’t allow their children to run about regardless of the location (e.g a safe place like a park, they will want children to not run around) whereas I want mine to run off their energy. Others will let their children run around the inside of my house, which I don’t like. I wouldn’t ever take it up with the parents. Our expectations are just different. Either I care enough to tell them there and then or I let it go and maybe avoid that situation.

Your friend sounds rude to me.

BarrenFieldofFucks · 30/03/2019 09:04

If some people might find them offensive, then chances are they can be rude. 🤷

The rudest thing my kids do is not respond sometimes, but that is due to shyness.

EchoCardioGran · 30/03/2019 09:06

That went well OP Hmm

teyem · 30/03/2019 09:06

Some people have a very low bar for being offended and they are a pita to deal with.

Some people have a very high bar for being offended and let their kids behave like little gits and they are a pita to deal with.

Could be either here.

Barbie222 · 30/03/2019 09:07

From what you describe you sound like a rude family, sorry. This is probably the first time it's been pointed out to you, but for everyone who will say something, there will be a lot more who will just limit contact with you and keep their kids away from yours. Now you have had a wakeup call, at least you can take steps to get some more manners around you all.

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