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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel upset that my kids were called rude

190 replies

ricardot · 30/03/2019 08:28

I had a run in with someone and she asked to talk about it to clear the air which we did. She was quite angry and said her bit which was fine but then she brought my kids into it saying that they're really really rude. I was taken aback and couldn't actually believe that she was even saying that.
My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude. I found it really offensive and I just am so livid at her for attacking my kids when they're not even part of our dispute. The example she gave was pretty vague and she couldn't tell me in what context it was said either.
Dh thinks im overreacting and it's just meh. Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem. Im not sure.
I don't even know why im posting! I guess would you be offended or just meh.

OP posts:
EleanorOalike · 30/03/2019 09:09

I’ve worked with hundreds of kids, maybe a dozen genuinely rude kids and like a pp my niece and nephew where incredibly rude as children and I didn’t really want them in my house or to be seen in public with them because their behaviour was utterly disgusting. My sibling thought they were absolutely hilarious and could do no wrong.

That’s the thing all rude children have in common. Parents who let their kids do whatever the hell they like and justify their rude behaviour as “cheeky” (which is just another word for rude), “high spirited”, “strong willed”, “full of energy” or even “leadership skills”.

It sounds like your friend has put up with a lot and finally exploded. For the sake of the teachers and family members who have to put up with your kids and maybe aren’t able to say something, please try to look objectively at them and sort their behaviour out. My niece and nephew grew up to be quite unlikeable adults and it’s only them that it’s hurt as they’ve struggled to maintain friendships and relationships and will undoubtedly also have issues at work due to their attitudes. You’ll be doing your kids a favour if you sort this out now.

WorraLiberty · 30/03/2019 09:09

Are they cheeky, rude or offensive?

Those are three completely different things.

She should've given you examples but you've described yourself as upset, livid and taken aback so perhaps given the fact you'd just cleared the air, she didn't want to labour the point?

Hyacintharehighersincelasttime · 30/03/2019 09:10

teach your children to be polite op, save the cheekiness for home

FenellaMaxwell · 30/03/2019 09:10

Well, what behaviours are you considering “cheeky”?

lottiegarbanzo · 30/03/2019 09:11

'They're cheeky', 'Some people might find them offensive'.

What do those phrases mean? It's pretty unusual to say that people might find your DC 'offensive'. What are they doing that's 'offensive'?

Is this a 2yo with an 'offensively smelling nappy', loud kids who've never been asked to be quiet, or not to interrupt, or a 6yo using the F word and calling people fat cunts?

Barbie222 · 30/03/2019 09:11

If your dh thinks being rude is meh it's quite likely that he's rude too and doesn't see it. How's his behaviour when outside the home?

Childlessandhappy · 30/03/2019 09:12

"My kids can be a bit cheeky and I have never had any complaints about them being rude".
You have just had your first complaint.

"Some ppl might find them offensive but that's their problem"."
Maybe your children are actually rude. If they are then it will become your problem and your children"s problem too at some point. Try not to be offended and look at their behaviour dispassionately if you can. If they are rude this is something you could address now to save future problems.

chipsandgin · 30/03/2019 09:13

I’d agree that if ‘some people could find them offensive’ and you call them ‘cheeky’ & someone has said that they are rude...it does sound a lot like you are in complete denial!

I’d be mortified if people thought my kids were rude & I’m someone who generally couldn’t give a fuck what people think of me. However, I have taught them to be very socially able, polite & kind & try to lead by example. If people don’t like us for whatever other reason that’s fine by me - but ‘rude’ or ‘mean’ would make me angry because they are awful qualities to have.

Is she perhaps right?

teyem · 30/03/2019 09:14

He might just have thought the complaining woman threw it into the conversation for good measure and that it's not necessary to over-react to the point, hence 'meh'?

chipsandgin · 30/03/2019 09:15

(as in, if either of them behaved in a way that was rude or mean I would be angry at their behaviour - not angry at whomever had to tell me about it!)

lottiegarbanzo · 30/03/2019 09:15

Yes, your DH saying that they may be 'offensive' but so what? is the oddest thing in your post and the biggest indication that there is some really poor behaviour going on - probably on his part as well as theirs.

Amongstthetallgrass · 30/03/2019 09:16

If the despute wasn’t even about your kids then the comment was intended as a low blow.

I grew up in a really rough area and it was an unwritten rule that if you had issues with some one you don’t drag the kids in to - that’s fighting talk! 🥊🥊🥊

cocomelon23 · 30/03/2019 09:17

Cheeky = rude imo.

BrokenWing · 30/03/2019 09:18

Cheeky is used when dc are young and rude and still learning. When they get older and rude they aren't quite so cute, unfortunately some parents don't get they are supposed to be teaching them manners before they reach this stage.

Original poster
ricardot · 30/03/2019 09:18

Haha. Yes I can understand why cheeky equals rude! I'll be the first to admit my children are in no way perfect. They can have their moments but so do all children. But I think I will do a bit of soul searching. I

I now briefly remember my child being told off by this person recently.. I wasn't there and DC was a bit upset at the time but I ignored it and didn't think of it as much then.

Adult: do x..(something my child didn't want to do)
Child : ok fine then
Adult: Do you speak to your parents like that? Etc etc and went off on a rant and told child off for saying fine then.

Her eg was that my child told her that she would hit them after woman said similar to DC about something. Like I said she never explained the scenario. To her answering back is fucking rude. I did mention she probably shouldn't be threatening my child and that's why DC answered back.

OP posts:
Amongstthetallgrass · 30/03/2019 09:22

Wait.. what? She threatened to hit your child?

teyem · 30/03/2019 09:22

If she threatened to hit your child for not being gracious about doing an unwanted job, then I think saying that they would hit her back might be ill thought out but the kind of clumsy way that you stick up for yourself when you are a kid.

FudgeBrownie2019 · 30/03/2019 09:23

I have one child who is very headstrong. If he's guided and given direction he's lovely, kind and considerate of others. If he's allowed too much freedom he's like a feral dog and I'm conscious that the fire in his belly is only a good thing if he's taught to contain it at the right time.

Nobody likes rude children. Nobody invites them to playdates or encourages friendships with them, and the knock-on effect that will have on those children is huge. I think it's doing a huge disservice to a child to allow them to be 'wilful' or 'high-spirited' without the guidance to also help them become lovely people.

I've had moments where I've been mortified at my DC's behaviour at home and in public. But rather than exclaim "that's their problem" and ignore it I've handled them and taught them what is and isn't acceptable. As a result they're generally very well-behaved children and I can't think of a single person on earth who'd say "oh her DC are so rude" when speaking about them.

Margot33 · 30/03/2019 09:26

To me cheeky means rude. So maybe you should nip their cheekiness in the bud.

RubyRoseViolet · 30/03/2019 09:27

It’s sort of impossible to say without knowing either of you or your children. She might be really unpleasant and dogmatic inwhich case your child had every right to be a bit stroppy. OTOH she might be generally very reasonable and pleasant in which case they might have been rude.

TheBlessedCheesemaker · 30/03/2019 09:30

Did she threaten to hit your child or did your child threaten to hit her?

EleanorOalike · 30/03/2019 09:31

Her eg was that my child told her that she would hit them after woman said similar to DC about something.

I’ve read that as a female child told the woman that they (the child) would hit the woman.

Answering back is rude OP.

Waterfallgirl · 30/03/2019 09:31

I read your latest update as your child threatened to hit this person? If that’s right then yes . I think she does have a point, your child was rude and depending on their age, may be frightening. ( if they are 5 not -but 16 is different) Also, answering back IS rude and I would call my DC out on that, most especially if they answered back another parent.

teyem · 30/03/2019 09:32

Are we expecting children to be polite when someone threatens to hit them now? Really?

Original poster
ricardot · 30/03/2019 09:33

When she said they would find the kids offensive he meant this particular woman and her dh as they are more "stricter" in their parenting style. They smack for example which we don't. Its not a debate I want to get into. Each to their own. They are a lot more sterner with their kids and as a result the kids are quite very conforming to their parents. Mine in comparison must look feral to them. This is what dh was getting at. He didn't mean most people would find DC offensive.
Also she targeted one child saying that it was just dd. So even though she made a sweeping statement initially she did then say it was just dd

OP posts:
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