I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

Down a hot drink like tea or coffee

You couldn’t be pregnant could you?

No, No chance of pregnancy, It does feel like labour pains though.

Im just boiling the kettle and hoping as OP states, a hot drink will help

If it gets worse though ring the nhs helpline

Have you tried taking a laxative?

No help now but you need a suppository to unblock if it’s that bad. Go to the pharmacy in the morning (unless you are city based with a 24) not sure if you need prescription but that and some lactulose should do the trick x
Sympathy it’s the worst I get in pregnancy

I would definitely get medical advice. Hope you're ok

It sounds like you're constipated. Have you got any oranges to eat? They can loosen stools.

@user1473878824 I dont have any, Ive never had this problem before,

Raise your legs onto a stool to poo
Take a laxative
Try shifting your weight onto one butt cheek and then the other if trying to get it out. Discovered that one by accident but it totally works.

@Sn0tnose Nope...No oranges, I have apples? Doubt they will work as quick tough

Just waiting for the inevitable deletion....

Do you have any natural laxatives? (Prunes, sugar free sweets?)
I've heard the following tip before for severe constipation: sit on loo, start pushing and slowly lean forward then back again, then stop/breathe. Repeat. (Note - several people swear by it but never worked for me).

If it really hurts, or you're really struggling is it worth ringing for advice? Just in case there's an impaction, or something else going on?

It's piles come off the loo and get doctors appointment I had it thought why isn't it coming out was internal pile gone in a week with meds

Have you been able to "go" recently OP? Ithink in your position I would try to get a GP's appointment ASAP, or at least see a pharmacist, & tell them what the issue is, see what they recommend.

When you say you aren't pregnant, how sure are you? Are we talking relatively unlikely, or the second coming of the Messiah?

Vaseline and glycerine suppository.

Drink warm water or orange juice.

Mix two teaspoons of salt with 1.5 litres of water and down it. Trust me, you’ll clear out.

Orange juice with bits mixed with fizzy water.

I was once so badly constipated (codeine induced) that I resorted to inserting my fingers into my vagina and easing backwards, essentially massaging the poo out from inside. It helped to push at the same time and eventually did move, it was painful though, I won't lie.

It wasn't pleasant but did help. I've made sure that I drink plenty of water since and it's never happened again.

Be careful about straining too hard, if you haven't got piles, you can cause them. If no better now, consult a Dr or a pharmacist at the very least.

Drink drink drink! And then call 111

Could you try having a hot bath? I don't know why but that sometimes help.

Sorry tried*

Hot water bath

Feet up on a stool, kid's kick stool.

Breathe into your tummy and grrrrrrrr or shhhhhhhh instead of straining and going purple in the face to get it out.

Lubed fingers into vag to push the back wall back and help the poo out.

Pharmacist for a bag of helpful delights.