I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

You need a glycerine and a bisacodyl supp.
You can get them over the counter at pharmacy x

Could be piles. I could hardly walk with once and had to get some Anusol HC with an applicator tube
Feel for you OP...

If you can't get to the Dr quick enough get your dp or freind to get you a variety of fruit, blend a lot I mean a lot off it like grape fruit berries ,and a banana so it's pureed and drink it in one go, the sugar will have you sh#tting through the eye of a needle. You have my sympathy

You tube have videos of how to massage your stomach in certain ways to help constipation

Prune juice!! If you don’t like the taste hold your nose and down it but it’s the only thing that worked for me after I’d had my first baby! Or get to the Drs and ask for an enema

When did you last open your bowels, OP?

Have you got any sugar free sweets around? They always have serious ‘unblocking’ capability’s

I had this exact situation before I had a hot shower and when I was getting dried off the movement just sort of pushed it the last bit out

just for the record I hadn't "been" for 13 days by the time the CosmoCol worked...

Try repeatedly pulling your stomach towards the small of your back using your abdominal muscles, this has the effect of massaging the bowel.

While the more unusual suggestions are valid in some cases, if it feels like constipation, it probably is constipation.

Getting stressed and straining won't help, because your instinct is to clench in that situation, which will retain the poo rather than guiding it out.

Food/drink remedies may help poo further up to soften and give some pressure, but it's too late for the bit you're trying to pass.

A warm bath can help. Legs raised can help, as can squatting. It can help to support your tummy as you push, so that the push goes into your bum rather than pushing your tummy out, if your muscles are a bit loose. Manual evacuation is done by medical staff, but your vagal nerve runs through to your bum from your neck, and if evacuation is too vigorous it can cause a vaso-vagal reaction (generally low BP/fainting). If the poo is quite low down then fingers in the vagina will work.

If you are constipated and there isn't a poo half-way out, then the chemist may be your best option. You can ask for a private consultation.

You sure it's not a haemorrhoid? They often feel like that when inflamed, mine certainly do. get a practice nurse to take a look at it. They have seen it all before. You can get suppositories to deflate them.

Get a teaspoon! 🙈

I may or may not have had to do this

McPoo I agree 100% with this - works every time for me!!

Crawl forwards and backwards using big 'steps'.
When on the loo, rub the base of your back

If it is a very hard poo there is one sure way of getting rid of it, take the head off the shower hose and insert up bum.
Sorry too much information but it will come out almost right away.

Obviously turn the water on first lol.

I can't improve on the advice already offered here, but you have my sympathies, OP - it's agonising.

@matcatladyforever lol!

dig it out
*
I want to ask how, but then again, I don't.*

There's no way of dressing this up - the poo will be rock solid - type 1 on the Bristol chart but stuck together. Lube the glove with Vaseline, insert a finger into the anus, hook it around stool, and work it out. It will be be capable of being pulled out once it's breached the opening

Pack of polos and a coffee. Then vacuuming. 😁. Swear by it.

Sit on the loo backwards, knees high and rock slowly.

Please people dont insert shower hoses up bums!!! Especially power showers

Smoke lots (only half joking).

Or save the cigarette for afterwards because when that thing eventually comes out, it will be orgasmic!

Good luck OP!

In care homes, they use soapy fingers up the bum (so I've heard)

If any carers or care home nurses are doing this then report them to the local social services. This is not ok.

Eat prunes, have some apples too. Loads and loads of prunes