I need help...NOW!! - Warning Not a pleasant subject

[Cantgiveashitliterally]

OMG...Im hoping someone can help me, this is so embarassing, I feel like i have a tennis ball stuck up my bum, i cant go to the toilet and it hurts, I have been sitting on the toilet for over an hour and it feels like its coming, but...Nothing. Im sore, i feel sick and shaking. I have never felt anything like this before, somebody please tell me what to do. How can I "unblock". Ive tried walking around, drinking water, I dont know what else to do.

PS i know this sounds like a joke, but, I promise its not.

Glycerin suppository or an enema! They will shift it the quickest. Don't push too hard, you'll end up tearing or with piles.
Actually, it could be internal piles, if you can't feel any lumps on the outside.

Another way (will be messy though) is to squat, either in the bath or shower and do it in there. The squatting position is the way we should poo, and it's much easier to come out that way.

Big Mac and a strawberry milkshake. It's our household remedy, known as a McPoo when it finally works.

Prunes and prune juice should work or try a glass of milk, Oaty milk might help too.

Once you've got a blockage, nothing you eat or drink will solve it.

Go to your GP and ask for a suppository. We used them a lot in care for people with spinal injuries and you get a fairly instant response.. over the counter ones aren't anywhere near as good.

Have a warm bath. Drink a large amount of apple juice before hand.

Don't take a fucktonne of laxative or your blockage will be followed by the opposite problem bitter experience get fibre in, and then more fibre. Fibregel is horrible good for bulk forming.

Yep, far too late now for food or drink. If you have no glycerine suppositories in, use plenty a of vaseline and "ease" it out manually.

Get some vaseline up there quick and all around it, it will help ease it out and control the tearing. Then get some prune juice quick.
You've probably got piles or an anal fissure.

Are you constipated Op? If so then it's impacted poo, get some medical gloves and dig it out. Not pleasant but quicker than a laxative

Hopefully OP is sorted now. You could do the bicycle, lay on your back and pretend your cycling.

Mcpoo

@SkintAsASkintThing

known as a McPoo when it finally works.

My favourite MN comment, I think, ever.

You are my people!

dig it out

I want to ask how, but then again, I don't.

Call the nhs helpline for advice that dosnt seem right at all there is a med condition that can cause that!.

What happened op?? Did you poo?!

I get this very occasionally and it honestly feels like birthing a child so you have my sincere sympathies. If it's stuck, it could be because the stool is too wide/ dry to sort of slick itself out. In my experience the only thing that worked was a lot of pushing with fingers helping to to push from the back wall too. It WILL emerge but it might not be comfortable and you might get sweaty and a little out of breath. Squatting also helps!

Another vote for manual evacuation.

Go to your local pharmacy. They should be able to give you good advice and products to help move you along!

🤔

Long hot bath, and maybe a fresh homemade vegetable soup.

This could be an anal prolapse. please go and see your GP asap. they wont mind if it turns out to be constipation but if it isn't then you need to get advice asap.

also be aware that sometimes vaginal prolapses cause this sort of constipation so get yourself checked out either way.

No advice I'm afraid but I am literally eye popping at some of these suggestions

Yep.
Feet up so you are squatting, bath if necessary.
Vaseline bum hole.
Fingers in vagina and mould a torpedo.

I struggled to poo when I was pregnant and sorry OP, TMI alert, you might need to help things along by digging your fingers up there and unblocking/pulling it out. Obviously give yourself a good wash afterwards. In care homes, they use soapy fingers up the bum (so I've heard) for similiar problems.

Sit in a hot bath, massage the tummy, apply some vaseline?

A zinger tower burger from KFC then two glycerin suppositories!

Don’t sit straining if it’s not going to come just now. Go and have a walk to the chemist to get some suppositories

It’s a horrible feeling though! Hope you 💩 soon.

I have been on codeine for broken bones for a few weeks and they gave me impacted bowels. Taking a laxative would not help as what was stuck was actually too big to pass. The doctor prescribed CosmoCol for me, which is sachets of a drink you take, up to 8 sachets in one 24 period for impacted bowels, slightly less for bad constipation.

It works by getting the bowels to absorb the fluid you drink/eat which breaks up the poo that is stuck. Worked very well for me after 24 hours.

You have my every sympathy it is absolutely hideous. Get some CosmoCol down you.