Standard MN replies...

[STOPSCRATCHINGTHECRADLECAP]

-Wow. You've got too much time on your hands if that's all you've got to worry about.

-LTB

• You sound like hard work

• You're over reacting [about absolutely anything].

• wow. Just wow.

-this has been done before (as will this thread have been).

Anymore standard replies?
I see at least one on every single thread.
It's as though there has to be a Standard Arsehold reply.

Any others?

*as this thread will have been.
(Can I pull this dyslexia card for that one?)

Interesting first post...

No is a complete sentence

It's an invitation not a summons.

(If the subject of the post is over 50): could they have early signs of dementia?

(If the subject of the post is under 50): could they have autism?

Call 111. Doesn’t matter if it’s a paper cut or you’ve actually cut your finger off, call 111.

Could it be autism

Go NC

Pay for a night nanny/cleaner/other home help unaffordable to most

Did you mean to be so rude?

Log it with 101

Could you take in ironing?

Flowers

Just use your savings.

You need a spa day

Get your ducks in a row

Oh yeah, the "no is a complete sentence" malarkey

It is easy to say that on an online forum, but if you're face to face with someone, they often require further reply than one curt word.

"Can you pick Jamelia up from school for me please, because I'm running late?"

"No."

"No? Why not, aren't you collecting Jeffrey and Billy-Bob anyway?"

"No."

"You're not? Why not?"

"No."

"...Are you broken?"

It's presented as the perfect one size fits all assertive response, but it's actually far less effective than talking like a normal person with a wide vocabulary and some manners.

On money worries or begging threads:

Could you do ironing/babysitting for people?

Just cancel your mobile/tv contracts (yes like they will be ok with you not seeing out your contract because you’re suddenly skint).

Nip it in the bud

if it's been going on for months/years on end, it's no longer a fucking bud to be nipped. It's bloomed and died by now

No you shouldn't go to a&e

You can't call an ambulance for that

Sounds like he's depressed / autistic / has dementia

Does he have any redeeming qualities?

No is a full sentence.

Tinkly laugh

head tilt did you mean to be so ride?

A&E. Now.

Rude lol

You don't have a mum/dad/ ex/ in law problem, you have a DH problem

Clearly every CF over 50 has dementia.

Do you have to bring Brexit into everything.

acknowledges irony of being the first to mention the B word on the thread, but you get the point

Get your ducks in a row

Treat yourself to a spa day

Stay in a hotel for the night